Let Me Tell You This About That

Showing Up in Life: Big Moments and Everyday Acts

• Hess and Delbert • Season 1 • Episode 6

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In this podcast episode, hosts Hess and Delbert discuss the vital importance of showing up, whether for friends, family, colleagues, or oneself. They reflect on personal stories, from attending an awards ceremony despite travel challenges, to the significance of everyday acts like carpooling and picking up the phone. Through touching anecdotes, they illustrate how these gestures of presence deepen relationships and enrich lives. The conversation also delves into the necessity of self-care, advocating for giving oneself grace and recharging to be able to truly show up for others. The episode is a warm and insightful look into the power of being there for the important moments and people in our lives.

In addition to being a podcast host, Hess is also an LCSW--if you'd like to learn more about her work as a therapist, check it out at www.jessicabollinger.com

One of her mission's is for all of our lights to shine--when we see each other and allow ourself to be seen--and we can say to the person in front of us, There You Are! the world will be an amazing place!

Delbert is a realtor in Louisville, KY, and you can find her at Kentucky Select Properties

Her philanthropic work to continue her sister Carole and niece Meghan is Carole's Kitchen. Blessings in a Backpack helps feed the many hungry students in our schools.





Hess:

Here we go. This is Hess.

Delbert:

hey Hess, this is Delbert.

Hess:

Yeah. And we are, let me tell you this about that. This is our podcast. We go back a long ways and we thought you might want to join us for our conversation. We began these conversations a few years ago and it really helps us get started on our week. And we thought, Hey! What about doing a podcast and let other people join us? So thanks for joining us. You can always like subscribe and tell your friends.

Delbert:

Actually Hess's wife's idea for us to start this podcast. And they called me and I said, sure, I'm in let's do it. Let's show up for everybody. And that's our topic today, showing up. I was just telling Hess about a trip that I took to go and honor my boss, John Stow, Jr. He's my principal broker at Kentucky Select Properties, and I've been working with him for almost 20 years and he is, I was telling him we did a bourbon tasting while we were there and we talked a lot about the limestone in Kentucky and how it makes you so strong. And I was telling John that he was the bedrock of. Kentucky select. And then I changed it to limestone. I'm like, you're the limestone, John, because he supports all of us and gives us direction. And he's always supported me and all of my charities and all of my real estate aspirations. But personally, he supports us and encourages us. And so my friend Shannon and I, that I've worked with almost that long as well, we decided to just have an adventure and go drive to Charleston and go to this honorary dinner where he was being awarded the Lifetime Achievement Award by Luxury Real Estate International. So it was an international award and we got to meet people from all over the world.

Hess:

Wow.

Delbert:

That work in our industry and saw, how admired and respected our boss was we had quite an adventure getting down there because of all the hurricanes and devastations. We took some detours, but we just tried to stay calm and focused. It took us an extra 5 hours. But we would just, do our work as we went. And sometimes Shannon would be my secretary for me if we were driving and somebody needed something. And the office was supporting us back home. They were emailing everything to Shannon for me, but we were just talking about how important it is to show up for people in our lives. We do. We do it for our family all the time, and we do it for our customers and our clients all the time. But it's really important to show up for the people that show up for us.

Hess:

So it's serendipitous for me, Delbert, because My best friend from college, Greg Bingham, he's the one that taught me about showing up and he texted me this morning. I called him right back and he's going to come down to see me tomorrow morning. Let me tell you, let me tell you this about that when I was in college, I met Greg and we met through this woman named Nyla, a fellow student. And Greg and I became close friends and Greg introduced me. I started to run around with Greg. Now, when I say run around with Greg, he was my best friend. We hung out together, but we also ran. He's the one that got me started running and Nyla moved away. She was going to go to chiropractic school. So she moved away. She went back up. She went back up to her little hometown of Valparaiso, Indiana. And Greg and I decided we got to go visit Nyla. We took a six hour trip up to her, that little town. We stayed in the big family house, and all of her sisters were all in that weekend too, Delbert. We talk about showing up. They lived on a big, huge corn and soybean farm. They were driving these tractors, like they had three wheels on each side, and all the sisters were all there that weekend because it was near fall harvest. They would all help drive the big, huge combine harvesters, or they might drive the grain, wa pull the grain wagons, or they'd drive the semis full of grain to the elevators and they'd be doing all that. They, they grew up as kids doing that way before they got driver's license. The only requirement was that their feet could touch the pedals and they could handle the throttles. What that trip taught me, Delbert, is that even when somebody moves away, and it's not as convenient as like being a roommate or seeing them around on campus or living in the same town, you take the time to go visit. You take that time. To have an experience with them. And when I went, what an experience I'd never been on such a big, huge corn and soybean farm. And I've kept that lesson with me that it's important that we show up now. Greg Oh yeah. Another time I showed up is after Greg graduated college, he had an electrical engineering degree. We would go study together in the. You could go study in the classrooms in the buildings and the, and then the chemistry building, we'd go there to a classroom and there was a blackboard on 3 walls and I'd be studying my little ag economics subject, whatever that was, meat science or something. And Greg would have all these formulas. He'd be writing in chalk on all three of those big blackboards. It looked like something Albert Einstein would write or something, and anyway, when he graduated college, I was really mesmerized because he, on these job interviews, they would fly in places, and he went down to Texas to work. In Port Arthur, Texas, and I went to get down, visit him to be a witness to show up to visit him after he moved down there. And it was a big, it was a big petroleum processing place that he was working at but just to be able to show up and here you show up for John, right? And you're able to see this grand award that he got because he's the way he's a limestone for everybody, he shows up he's a bedrock and so you're a witness, you're a witness to it. It's important to show up so that we can witness awards or work or what anybody's doing.

Delbert:

Exactly. And, we do it in small ways sometimes. I was thinking about, I had driven so far and then come so far back and I was so tired, but I had already promised to do carpool for one of my darlings, for one of my grandchildren. In my darling society. And I was like, that's still showing up and I still want to do that and keep that commitment and went down and pick them up. And they had been building a set for Grease. That's their musical for the winter. And I said, you know what, I'm hungry. Do you want to go to red hog? And so we went up to the hostess stand and we were like, We want to see if our family wants to join us, but we'd like to eat dinner. And they're like, oh, we don't have anything open for at least two hours. And I'm like, I'm a little too hungry for that. Let's go. So we all went to El Tarasco is our. Our comfort Mexican restaurant where everybody knows our, it's like our cheers, everybody knows your name. And we were laughing so hard. We're like so comfortable there because it's so chaotic there. A kid like rode through there on a skateboard last night and we're like, that seems right. That seems about right. But just in small ways, we do that. When we make dinner, when we pick somebody up from car, do we do it always? And then we do it in big ways, but no matter what it is, even if it's just our phone conversation, our catch up, it's important, whether it's small or large to show up for the people in our life. And like you said, to bear witness to these things that are so incredible in life Shannon remarked that she knew how much John loved these. Real estate conventions because he is connected to these people from all over the world. She's now we've witnessed the phenomena that it is and how friendly and how encouraging all these people are because our industry is so hard and so ever changing.

Hess:

Huh.

Delbert:

it's so nice just to meet people that really understand and they all just We're such good friends with our boss and really just admired him so much. And we're like, and it was so fun to, to just network with everybody. We're like, okay, we get it. We understand it even better now because we've been a witness to it. And when you can go and experience something with. with someone and for someone. It's really important. And it's, and it also changes your life. I feel very enriched from it, even though I'm a little tired. I feel just enriched by all the people that I met from everybody from all around the world that sells real estate to the, I was telling you earlier about, we love taking these bicycle rickshaws around Charleston because the drivers were so interesting. They were just. starting out in their lives. They were just out of college. They were, networking, trying to get jobs, but they were so knowledgeable of the city and they would take us around on these tours going back to our Airbnb from whatever we were doing that And we just enjoyed it so much meeting all the young people and

Hess:

And they give you a tour and tell you about different things and

Delbert:

Oh, yeah, like here's the biggest estate in Charleston and here's the oldest church and here, just every single home was more beautiful than the next, And So we just had such a good time learning about the city and.

Hess:

Had you been there before, Delbert?

Delbert:

had been there before. Yes, I had been there before and just loved it and knew that I, wanted to I'm a water person. So some of the Airbnbs are all members of this club. It's got like a pool and a spa and like a restaurant. And so that was one of our amenities that we got with our Airbnb. And so of course I went one day and went to the pool. And that was how I recharged, but I thought that was really cool that they've got and it's really not near the ocean or anything. The pool and the spa are in more of an industrial part of the city, but they've got it all enclosed with a wood fence and then it's got palm trees and, evergreens all the way around it, and it makes it feel like it's got a little waterfall and a pool, and it just makes it feel like you're in nature, right next to a railroad track and all this industry. So that was cool, too. And then, of course, we had delicious seafood and Delicious local vegetables and greens and

Hess:

Yeah. Showing up, it's showing up for little things, it's showing up for this big award. Oh my god. I was hearing some, a friend of mine talking about how people think that she works all the time. And she's no, not really. Because she considers showing up for herself, cooking good meals, going for her three hour kayak ride kayak thing. She lives up in Maine, enjoying this beautiful day she had in Maine and putting herself outside and outdoors. That showing up for herself. Is recharges her. So she feels like she never works all the time because she does those things like you do in the pool time.

Delbert:

A good one showing up for yourself. Is very important because we can't show up for other people if we don't show up for ourself

Hess:

And sometimes, go ahead.

Delbert:

No, I was just going to ask you what you do to recharge yourself

Hess:

Oh yeah. So while she was saying that to me, I thought that's what I do. I always like having this talk with you. Looking forward to it. It recharges me. I'm always inserting some good things. Okay. I got a half an hour between clients. I'm going to just go walk down to the creek and back and be outside. And I'll always, see a friendly boarder, be able to watch a horse work or something along the way, or watch the dogs run. I always insert something positive. For myself it's something that I've always done. I always had a lot of free time when I was growing up. So I always did a lot of things alone and that recharge me. Yeah. Also sometimes this entered my mind when we said talking about showing up Delbert sometimes It's hard to show up when we don't know what to do. Before you went to Charleston, South Carolina, you thought if I'll be going near Asheville, North Carolina, I'll take some products down there that they might need, you know? You were told what?

Delbert:

Stay away.

Hess:

Don't show up.

Delbert:

Don't show up. Yeah, just send money to the right organizations because they really didn't need anybody getting in the way. So sometimes you do need to stay out of the way to show up. You need to just, and I think to being informed. Listening to people that are boots on the ground, whatever it may be, whether it's a a weather emergency or whether it's life emergency, personal or, catastrophe, whatever it is, we really need to listen and pay attention to what people need. To show up for them, right? And yeah, that was like, stay away. And I was like, okay, I'm just gonna, I got it. And so charted my trip around in an effort to stay away, and to let people do their job, and people would get over when they would on the highway, when they would see the convoys of the utility trucks coming through.

Hess:

Oh, yeah. Maybe toot their horns or something too, right?

Delbert:

Yeah. Oh, people would. Yeah.

Hess:

Mhm.

Delbert:

their horns and went and, yay, you're on the way. Yeah, and they were having to go on a detour to get to where they needed to be. Because of all the I 40 and all those roads being washed out. But, yeah, that's, that is a really interesting point about, really, Ask him what people need. My brother's got this saying about funerals and celebrations of life. He says, if you think you should go. Or if you have any question at all in your mind about whether you should go or not, go. Yeah, because that's always great. And that's something easy because all you have to do is go, right?

Hess:

Right. That, that brings to mind sometimes when I think I I'm shrinking back, I analyze that and thinking what's difficult for me here. I don't know what to do. I don't know what to say. Then I'll be like, no, go.

Delbert:

That's good. That's good. You're so outgoing and so funny and have such a great sense of humor.

Hess:

There's been something bad that's happened to someone, if there's been a death and you don't know what to do or say you feel a little bit awkward, but what they need. They don't need you to say, what can I do for you Because they're spinning. They have no idea what you could do for them, but what you could do is just to go and be present.

Delbert:

right.

Hess:

I want to tell you, I want to tell you this Winnie the Pooh story. Okay.

Delbert:

Oh good.

Hess:

It fits right in here. Where one day Pooh said, Delbert, he said today was a difficult day. And there was a pause. He was there with Piglet. And Piglet asked, do you want to talk about it? And Pooh thought for a second. He said no, I don't think I do. And Piglet said, That's okay. And he came and he sat beside his friend. Pooh asked, What are you doing? Oh, nothing really, said Piglet. Only I know what difficult days are like. I quite often don't feel like talking about it on my difficult days either. But goodness, Piglet continued, difficult days are so much easier when you know you've got someone there for you. And I'll always be here for you, Pooh. And as Pooh sat there, Working through in his head his difficult day, while the solid, reliable piglet sat next to him quietly, swinging his little legs, he thought that his best friend had never been more right.

Delbert:

Oh, that's perfect.

Hess:

What do you think it meant for John, for you, and your colleague, to drive 12 hours there and 14 hours back? To be present for his award.

Delbert:

I know that he just appreciated it so much I really do and he when we got there the first time we saw everybody was at the bourbon tasting and it was at a this beautiful historic house on the Atlantic Ocean that they had rented and And Elizabeth McCall was there. She's the master distiller for Woodford Reserve and her husband, Matt came up to Shana and I, he goes, we're so glad that you're here. John gave you both a shout out. During the Q and a about his award today and I'm like, what? And he's yeah, he said, Shannon and Judy had to come. They're the fly girls. Yeah. And and so it goes no pressure, but he did say that you all were, great partiers. He was already lifting us up and having high expectations about us having a great time networking and everything. But then One of our other colleagues came up and he said, yeah, he shouted you all out about what great fly girls you are, but also he talked a lot about your service that you do for Blessings in a Backpack and for Caroles Kitchen and Because we had won most philanthropic company at that same at a in a different year. We won most philanthropic at like real estate international, and so we talked a little bit about that award and how, our company gives back. And yeah. So anyway he had already told everybody before we even got there, how happy he was that we were coming. So it was just really

Hess:

Nice. Nice. Nice. And when I talk to you about Delbert, you're going to have to reroute yourself. I'm seeing on my maps that some of the roads are red that I've been mapped through. You might ought to check these flights out. What I heard you say is my friend can't really leave till Monday. And we're just looking forward to the drive together. You you showed up for your friend that, that needed to drive. You showed up with your own car and, she was the navigator, but you were the pilot.

Delbert:

Yeah. She was the navigator and the secretary or administrative assistant for me. I'd be like, Oh shoot, take my phone. I've got to return this email, and she would do it for me. And then she'd give it back to me or put it back in the cradle and say, Oh, I've got to answer these people. And we talked through some things to Oh, gosh, I've got this repair request. There's a little bit of water in the crawl. What do you think? And I'm like, Oh, no this roof's got a little bump in it. What are we? So we just talked through work problems on the way. Most of it went fast. Once it got dark and it had been 14 hours, we got a little weary. But those are the things, like being locked out of the Airbnb and taking a long time on the road that happened to us that we laugh about, and that are these. Big stories that you can talk about later, but the parts of the trip that needed to go smooth the networking and the bourbon tasting and the and the dinner, the awards dinner, Knew this, they could have possibly gone and were just beautiful. Yeah

Hess:

you said before this trip that, that you were, you and your grandchild were staged in a house. So that, did that get on the market while you were out of town? Did people have to show up for you? While you were outta town to help you with your work, tell me about, tell me a little bit this about that

Delbert:

Adrian, my friend Adrian showed up for me at the closing for your mom's house. She went to be with Jamie, at the closing just in case there was a snafu, but that wasn't really smooth and Adrian showed up for me and then I, really did all the work for that new house that came on the market with one of my darlings, helped me stage it and do all the flower arrangement. So we got everything completely done and it got photographed and went live. So I had all the work done ahead of time. But no, I was wondering, I was like, Oh, it takes me about five hours to get things all together for photographs. And I was running out of time and running out of steam. And I, Asked my little darling. I said, do you want to make some, a little bit of extra money and help me? And they. Enjoyed that so much and had the best time. So

Hess:

show Yeah. And showed up for you. Yeah, we talked about that on our last podcast, if y'all wanna check into that. While you were gone, the house went live did it get shown some while you were gone and people at your agency had to show it for you?

Delbert:

Oh no, now it's, it was on a Supra and it was on a going show. So yeah, it was, yeah, it just was on autopilot,

Hess:

I see.

Delbert:

I had that go live and I'm going to hold it open tomorrow, but mainly my little darling showed up for me on that house. And then Adrian showed up for me on your mom's.

Hess:

Yeah, cool. Showing up. Sounds good.

Delbert:

and you're showing up for Greg tomorrow and he's showing up for you,

Hess:

yeah, so Greg texted me. I talked to him. He said he's in Northern Kentucky at their family place up there. He's from up there in Dry Ridge, Crittenden area. He grew up there. And so he's visiting with his sister and brother today. And he's going to come down and see me tomorrow morning. And we'll spend the morning together. And he's going to go with me to my Unitarian church. He goes, what time does your church start? And I told him and I said, but I want you to come two hours before that. Cause we got to catch up because you're not allowed to really talk during church. I got too much to catch up with them. So it's going to be great.

Delbert:

Oh, that's awesome. I love that. I hope you all have such a good time.

Hess:

Oh, we will. We will. Just important people in your life, and you got to be important to you, yourself. Show up for the important people in your life. Big lesson this week for me, Delbert, is Since we're with our own self all the time, if there's any negative chatter about yourself and your own brain, cut it out, stop it. You're not showing up for yourself if you're cutting yourself down. Tell

Delbert:

I live alone. So I talk to myself a lot. And I want to tell you this about that. I'm

Hess:

me this about that. That's the name of our podcast. And subscribe.

Delbert:

I'm pretty doggone nice to myself. Because, We've talked about the fact that I was a cheerleader and I do try to give myself a pep talk every day. And I'll say, no, what do you think? I think you're doing the right thing. Okay good for you. Okay. So I do try to really give myself good conversations and build myself up. I have to say that I'm pretty nice to myself when I do give myself a talking to. Because I remember, that my job is, can be hard sometimes. And it's really demanding and a lot of people, when I list something, it's the, Most important, sometimes investment that they have their house, it's part, if not their biggest piece of wealth it's most certainly up there. And so I take that really seriously and I work really hard and sometimes I'm hard on myself about work, but I really do try to give myself a pep talk every day

Hess:

Give yourself grace.

Delbert:

and give myself grace.

Hess:

And that's what we talked about a couple pods ago was like to give yourself grace when you need to plug yourself in and recharge your little robot battery.

Delbert:

Yeah, and not feel guilty about it. And I have to say, Oh, I haven't paid about guilt or shame. Or I went to that pool and laid down at that pool when I was in South Carolina and I did not feel one bit guilty about it. I was like, I have got to recharge and rest. Shannon wanted to shop in downtown Charleston. We had already done that. The day before and I was like, yeah, I'm good. I really need to stretch out by a pool body of water and, rejuvenate. And so we just said, okay, let's each do what we need to do for ourselves. And I was like, and I'm not going to feel guilty about it. I didn't. Wow. I'm only almost 67 and I've, I'm starting to not feel guilty about stuff. Go me

Hess:

Go you, baby. Delbert, it's good to hear your voice. It's good to have this chat. I feel renewed, alive. Hopefully this chat is good for you all. Tell your friends about it, and we love you. Love you, Delbert.

Delbert:

love you.

Hess:

Peace and love.