Let Me Tell You This About That

Success: Coach Pope and Leaning in and Feeling Grateful

• Jessica Bollinger • Season 1 • Episode 7

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This episode of "Let Me Tell You This About That" features lifelong friends Hess and Delbert reflecting on the importance of staying connected, being grateful, and pushing through challenges. They share personal stories about family, career, and the transformative power of positive relationships, both past and present. The episode delves into themes of emotional control, the importance of gratitude, and the need for a supportive community. Through anecdotes from their own lives and lessons from influential figures like Coach Mark Pope, they explore how small actions and attitudes can lead to significant personal growth and community building.

In addition to being a podcast host, Hess is also an LCSW--if you'd like to learn more about her work as a therapist, check it out at www.jessicabollinger.com

One of her mission's is for all of our lights to shine--when we see each other and allow ourself to be seen--and we can say to the person in front of us, There You Are! the world will be an amazing place!

Delbert is a realtor in Louisville, KY, and you can find her at Kentucky Select Properties

Her philanthropic work to continue her sister Carole and niece Meghan is Carole's Kitchen. Blessings in a Backpack helps feed the many hungry students in our schools.





Hess:

Hey, everybody, welcome to let me tell you this about that. I'm Hess

Delbert:

And I'm Delbert.

Hess:

We're two lifelong friends of 60 years. We met in first grade at our mother of good council school, and we're here on our Sunday morning chat. And we'd like you to join us.

Delbert:

Yeah, welcome.

Hess:

We've been talking together for a few years on these Sunday mornings, and we decided that we'd like you all to start joining us. And cause I always get a lot out of this. And I think that you all might too.

Delbert:

So we've got a lot of loose ends. We've been talking about a lot of things because a lot's been going on. The holidays are coming up. They're here. We just had Thanksgiving. We just had the election. Lots of feelings going on out there in the world.

Hess:

Yeah. Yeah. So Delbert, I was sitting at the, I was sitting at the UK basketball game Friday night watching UK play. And we've got this new coach, Mark Pope. And what I've heard about him that he talks whole lot of philosophy. To his kids and I was watching some videos of the boys and what they're learning from him, from coach Pope and lot of them, a lot of them said this about that that what touched them a lot about what they've heard from him is that you, let me see, let me find it here. I wrote it down.

Delbert:

It's something about doing the things that you're putting off, right?

Hess:

right, exactly. The magic of what you're looking for is in the work that you're avoiding. Several of them are sitting there talking about that. The magic of what you're looking for in, is in the work that you're avoiding.

Delbert:

Yes.

Hess:

I just wrote a piece about that for myself because it's like, what messages did we hear might've held us back? Or what messages did we hear that pushed us forward?

Delbert:

Oh, I like that. Do you, do things come to mind for you about things that moved you forward?

Hess:

In this time of all of this change where a woman is not elected a president yet, what messages did you hear that might have held you back moved you forward? And Delbert, I've heard you talk in our discussions about the women were upstairs and they were making all the decisions and cutting the dresses and making the food and your mom was paying the bills. So you were raised in a matriarchal place where things didn't seem like they held you back.

Delbert:

Imagine my surprise when I got to school. Imagine my surprise after the election. Yeah, I really was. And so I really did carry that spirit with me growing up. I did feel like I had this certain empowerment and a lot of it Was that, but a lot of it was also faith inspired. Like my grandmother was just so strong. I remember telling you last week about sitting in church next to her and feeling that power, that, that magic, that faith that was just, was so strong within her, it just spilled out into people around her. And so I wanted to be that kind of person.

Hess:

That's cool. That's cool. I never saw it as a limit. let's see when I was growing up, my mom would get me my high top Converse tennis shoes and a football uniform, and I'd be out in the yard throwing that football way up in the air and catching it and running in like Green Bay Packers, making a touchdown. I'd found, I found her little stopwatch in her drawer and I'd go out to the yard and play Olympics and When I went to college and I graduated college, Delbert, my dad said, let me see your resume and I put on my resume something I'd done the previous summer, which was I rode a tandem bicycle back from Seattle, Washington, mean, which man, I wasn't alone. I didn't write it all by myself, but

Delbert:

Right.

Hess:

do anything by herself. But I put that on my resume to show that I had determination and grit. My dad reads my resume and it says. And he says, he responds You sound like you're a free spirit. What are you going to do? And I said Dad, I'm living in Lexington at the time, going to college, and I grew up an hour west Lexington in Louisville. And I said Dad, I think Lexington needs a fruit market, because Louisville had all kinds of fruit markets. My dad, positively, Responded, and it's always so important y'all out there who you share your dream with. My dad responded positively. He said check into that. And so I did. I talked to Earl Thienemann, who had a, who was Paul's brother. And he had, Earl had a fruit market in Middletown. And Earl said, if I was your age, I'd be in Lexington right now at the fruit market. So I went back to my dad with that and I borrowed against an apartment building that dad had given each of us an apartment building in rolling hills. We found a location. I borrowed against that apartment building. I paid it, paid off my land in, in, in three years, which is great, but I just did that and doing something that's hard or difficult. Sometimes in that youth, there were, I got it. We got to talk about that. Sometimes if we don't get scared, if we don't think about all the bad stuff that can happen we dive into it. I didn't think about how much muscle it took to unload Three tons of produce from the back of the box truck or my truck down on the Kentucky River Bridge and me coasting to the other side and pulling over and Then they're having to get another truck there and unload the truck don't think about the hard stuff like now that we're in our mid 60s Delbert We've seen a lot of stuff happen and it could sometimes that age and seeing more things happen can make us afraid so just love that quote by Pope that it's what you want to succeed by is what you might be avoiding and you got to push through that.

Delbert:

I love that story about your dad encouraging you and your mom encouraging you in sports. I think about, think about the fact that what year was that when you got your fruit stand late seventies, early eighties, encouraging a woman to, to go into business. That's still very forward thinking. By your parents, your dad saying, look into that, research that encouraging you to do it in your own way without saying let me help you. You look into it. I love that.

Hess:

He did encourage me to put my name on it. Like Paul's market he encouraged me and it was called Jessica's quality fruits and vegetables. He said, people need to look for somebody, if they know who is there, if they know who is running it and they look for you, that, that can add to your success. So he wasn't about, about me putting my name on it.

Delbert:

What's 1 of the best customer stories you have or memories you have of that fruit market?

Hess:

Delbert, I ran the market for 15 years. I opened it the summer after I graduated in December of 1980. So it opened in 81 and I ran it till 1994 when I went back to college to get a master's of social work. And so it has been since 30 years. Since it was open in Delbert, I'll still be around town in Lexington and people say, I wish you were still open.

Delbert:

There you go. A third career, a throwback. That's awesome.

Hess:

What, what made that happen? Delbert is the customers of talking to people, finding out where they were going on their summer vacation. And then when you'd see him again, you'd say, how was that trip? What did you do? What did you see? I love that. Love

Delbert:

that's a beautiful thing about having people come in and they're shopping and sharing part of their life with you. That's beautiful.

Hess:

kids grow up and so forth. And something that touches me is how would touch customers. The the old ladies, there was a senior citizens tower just up the road, one block. And we got a lot of ladies from up there I'd help them carry their stuff out. And I'd put my arm around them sometimes, and I think maybe they need touch. So many of those people became good friends of mine, friends for life.

Delbert:

That's beautiful. I love that. It's what I love about real estate that, people, buy a home and raise their family, maybe outgrow it or a young person, Starting their career and then they get married and then they, have children. It's so fun and to see people in their lives grow and change and be a little bit of a part of it, and I love it. My clients usually call me if they're going to get married or have a baby or have some kind of life change. And it's usually really good and it's usually really fun to be part of that.

Hess:

Oh, that's cool. That's cool. And so how does that expand your business? Say more about that.

Delbert:

I think when you just like with your fruit business and people wish it was still there. I think when you do a job where you really do try to connect with people and care about them and care about their lives, I think they get connected to you and they, Say to their friends, if you're going to buy a house, you should call Judy, and Judy's my real name, by the way, one of our friends from high school was listening to the podcast. And she says, who the heck's Delbert? That's my nickname. It only really has caused me Delbert. But anyway yeah, so that is a really nice thing about it is that you just connect with people. And that really is what life is all about life, real estate. Fruit, whatever it is. It's about these deep connections that we get with people, that we maintain them, and we take care of them, and protect them, and and that is just how things grow. You just put it out in the universe, and just let it, just let all the good, mingle together. Today's December 1st. So I blew some cinnamon out the front door. That's something from a relationship of a friend from Sacred Heart too, that is very mystical. She told me to do that on the 1st of every month for prosperity. And it's just like a little ritual that I do, but also just feel like just putting a little good out in the universe, just blew a little cinnamon out into the snow, and that really is just. How I think about life and connection. It's letting that all culminate. Just put out all these good vibes, right? With work, you can't just do that. You have to work and make, do the hard things. The hardest thing about sales is making calls and reaching out to people. Always write at the top of my notebook for the day. I'm helping because if I feel like I'm helping somebody, it doesn't bother me to make a call or text them or email them about. I always have to remind myself that you're not bothering them, you're helping them. Now, I don't give them 20 calls a day like a scam or, tell a marketer, but I do reach out to people a lot. And that is hard. It sometimes feels like you're being intrusive. But it's an important part of my job to keep people informed. A lot of times I'll just see a house that came on the market that's in their neighborhood and I'll say, This made me think about you.

Hess:

Just calling people up, you'll, something that helps give you the motivation to do that when you're in your daily work is it's reaching out. It's a lot of calls what helps you reach out is to have across the top of your notebook, I'm helping. And you are, I'm going to go back to coach Pope. Okay. You mind, Elbert? Delbert?

Delbert:

Heck yeah, I'm done.

Hess:

So his focus extends a lot past the X's and O's of basketball game. Okay. You can tell by whenever he's in a press conference, emphasizes emotional control and decision making and referring to the importance of operating from your prefrontal cortex, not your limbic part of your brain. And yeah in my counseling work, I talk so much about that limbic part because that's where we hold emotional memory and reactivity.

Delbert:

Yes.

Hess:

Yeah. And that drives those impulsive reactions. So

Delbert:

I

Hess:

from the frontal cortex, he says, is a reminder to keep the emotions in check during pressure. So he says and he says, and you almost just quoted him, Delbert, that it's in the external vibe where life happens. It's about connection. And there's more meaning in our life in connection. Yeah.

Delbert:

love that. It makes me think about something I just read. Oh, you sent it to me about the exchange of our souls. It's in the giving and receiving, right?

Hess:

Yeah.

Delbert:

That, and it's actually the commerce of our souls, right? I love that.

Hess:

The commerce of our soul is the giving and receiving of our soul. Cool.

Delbert:

sent me Some writing about that. I can't remember. It was a paper or an article or something. And it's so true. It's so true. And you do as much as you want to externally give, you do have to keep yourself in check.

Hess:

He says, we don't stress. We don't worry. We don't get nervous because it actually doesn't help

Delbert:

No.

Hess:

still being quiet centering is a necessary way of being when there's so much going on out there, so much of a barrage of things, media information, Delbert. I'm sitting there and and I asked the guy next to me watching this game and it's before the game started. I go, What's that player doing there sitting on the floor and he was sitting Delbert with his sitting on his butt with his legs stretched out in front and he was just leaning forward and he was just still sitting there and the guy next to me goes I think he might be meditating. like I think he might be right so he was just still for minutes and minutes when stretchy band to one of the assistants so he was doing some stretch you But he was also being what Coach Pope wants him to do is just be still.

Delbert:

I love that.

Hess:

Yeah. Yeah. Also, he talks about carving out space. Take everything you've done, everything you've learned, and use it. Don't look. He says, don't look at me. Don't, when you're in the game, don't look at me at the bench to fix it. Look at your players. Look at yourself. What do you need to do? And he also, what I love, is he talks about gratitude. And he says it's a skill, it's a skill you have to practice, you have to practice it every day. Doesn't matter if you're rich or poor, matter what you come from, what you have. If you practice it, it'll give you joy no matter what your circumstances. Grateful people are joyful people.

Delbert:

Yes. Gratitude. It makes sense of our past and brings us peace. I shared that quote on Facebook for Thanksgiving, because when you're grateful, it turns a little bit into a lot or enough. It turns what you're doing into the right thing. When you're grateful for what you have and what you're doing, you can make peace and make sense out of things. Like the play you just did or that, or the thing that you just accomplished, maybe if it wasn't quite your goal, but you're grateful for what went right. It really feels more like a success.

Hess:

And that can help you dive in and keep working at it, right?

Delbert:

I think so. Yeah, just like you play a basketball game. You're not going to make every dribble. It's not going to be correct. Every shot. It's not going to hit the swoosh, but if you keep going and keep being grateful for the dribbles that were right,

Hess:

Delbert, so we have to push through when things get tough that the success that we want might be in what we're trying to avoid. I even took that into consideration. I even took that into action the other day in the garage. I thought these old boxes have been sitting there. I'm going to load those up. I'm going to do this. I'm going to get that out, and I was just like straightening things up because I'd been looking at it for a long time. And as I was looking at it, I thought, this is what I'm avoiding. Why do I need to avoid that? It took me like five minutes to clean it up. And I'd been looking at it for so long.

Delbert:

I think we all do that about housework. Don't we? You don't want to see my dining room table right now.

Hess:

I want to circle back because when we were talking about on our pod, you all can look it up. It's about the equal rights the equal,

Delbert:

Equal credit. Yeah,

Hess:

credit act. It was a 50 year anniversary and Bella Abzug had been a big backer on that and helped get that going along with a lot of other stuff. And you used to say, and you mentioned that she wore this cool hat that you really admire. I want to tell you some backstory about that hat. Can I?

Delbert:

sure.

Hess:

Okay. Okay. She went to law school. And then when she got out of law school while she was pregnant, she went down to Mississippi. And she tried to stave off a death sentence for this guy named Willie McGee, and he was a black man accused of raping a white woman. And she continued her work on his case despite death, she was getting death threats. She was able to win stays of execution twice, though he was put to death in 1951. While she was working against Willie McGee's death sentence, she adopted her custom of wearing hats with wide brims. And she did that as a way of signaling that she was a working lawyer and she should be taken seriously.

Delbert:

I love it. I loved her hats and all of, almost all of her pictures. She has those on.

Hess:

Yeah. So she put that hat was a symbol of her going to work and doing what was hard. So she put on that hat.

Delbert:

Oh,

Hess:

that's pretty cool.

Delbert:

I love that. Yes.

Hess:

pretty cool.

Delbert:

Love it.

Hess:

Okay.

Delbert:

hat on.

Hess:

That's popping another story into me. Delbert, can I tell it?

Delbert:

Of course. I

Hess:

meeting with a friend, Mike Thompson at Starbucks. He's an old friend and I, and a really wise fellow. I like to sit with sometimes and gleam, some gleam, some stuff. And he was wearing a certain hat and he said he was in Vietnam or Cambodian. He was in Asia and was with his wife and while they were there, Oh, he was there on business. He was in some kind of import business and his wife was along with him and she was an educator. So she said, Hey, I want to go look at these schools. So while they were looking at some schools at this particular school, the kids out on the playground had on, a certain color hat. Okay. When they came in, he noticed that along wall of the classroom were these other hats, this different color hat. When they came in from the playground, they exchanged the hat and they put on this other hat and, Hey, what is this hat? And he said, this is our study hat. So the kids would get. More focus they have on their study hat now. Now it's not time to play, it's time to, it's time to study.

Delbert:

love it. The nuns used to say that to us, put your thinking cap on.

Hess:

And that's what Mike's hat said at the Starbucks said the thinking, thinking hat. And he says, so he started making those Yeah. The thinking hat,

Delbert:

I love that. I think I need one. I know I need one. Your thinking cap. That makes me think about when the nuns would say that to us, put your thinking cap on. I would imaginarily put my thinking cap on probably just to be a smart aleck. But also I was listening to one of my favorite comedians Kathleen Madigan. I think that's her name. She was talking about the nuns growing up, Southern Christians. A lot of times you just have this. So connection to Jesus. That's really beautiful. They go straight to Jesus about everything and she said, now, the nuns gave us a list of people to contact not to bother Jesus. First off is your guardian angel. They're just hanging out trying to take care of you all day, and when I was in grade school, I used to, especially after I learned about cheerleading, I used to, when I was really bored, I'd think about me and my guardian angel doing cheerleading stunts, like she'd be on my shoulders. I'd be holding her up, and then I think nobody can see her. Sister does not know my guardian angel and I are practicing a cheerleading stunt. But anyway. I just thought that was so funny, that we can find humor and how we're raised and all the great things about it. But there's so much meaning down in there. And those little kids, they love putting their different hats on. That's so important. I

Hess:

I used to move over in my desk to make room for my guardian angel Next.

Delbert:

We all did that. Oh my gosh. Yeah. You've got to be tired. You've been watching me all day. Come on. Guardian Angel. Sit down. And it, you know what? That's so brilliant. You're never alone. You're never alone because you've got an angel with you. So beautiful. And, just going back to my grandmother, all the magic and the mystic of having the angels and saints around me she, she, my grandfather were never. Had a lot. He lost his job when he came back from World War Two. And, but my grandmother, she was always so grateful. She made every meal in her house feel like a feast in a castle. I'm not kidding you. She could, create the most wonderful dinner. And maybe it was just the vibe that she put out there. It was just the impression that she put out that it was all, So wonderful. It was so good because we were together. And I think that's the important thing going into the holidays and into life right now. I'm trying to keep in focus, be really grateful for all the small things.

Hess:

Yeah. I, we had a good friend over for dinner last night and we're like, how are you taking care of yourself? it's that centering stuff on that. Mark Pope talks about, we got to center ourself, take care of ourself. I know Friday you said, Hey, I'm gonna, I'm gonna read, this is going to be a recharge day, center yourself so that you can then go out, connect and help people. Cool. Do what you need to do. Show up. Yep. We're more connected than we're more alike than not alike.

Delbert:

Part of that gratitude is appreciating everybody in our lives, whether we agree with them or not. And we got to keep the conversation open.

Hess:

And one of the things that Georgia said last night is doesn't want to see this get us into a silo where we're only talking to certain people or we're only just taking care of our own family or whatever's happening with us. We got to cross pollinate. We got to go across. We, it's gotta be, it's gotta be unilateral. Yeah. We can't stop doing that.

Delbert:

We got to reach across the aisle. Absolutely. Make every day that moment in mass when you're doing the sign of peace, reach out, reach across and connect and we'll figure this thing out.

Hess:

Yes. Yeah. never thought about that. Thanks Delbert. Peace and love. Anything else you want to say?

Delbert:

No, just be good to yourself this holiday season. It can be rough for some people. Just remember to like, stay centered. Take a moment, take a beat, take care of yourself, and then just practice a little gratitude. We love you.

Hess:

Yeah, gratitude and center yourself and then lean into what's hard. You'll feel better about it. You can do it. You've got this

Delbert:

Take

Hess:

you're not alone.

Delbert:

the boxes out. Call somebody, do the hard things, practice your dribble. And we, okay, wait, I have to say one more thing. We talked to our friend Tina from mother of good counsel. She called us about the podcast and she is 66, 67 years old, still playing basketball with her grandkids. So still practice that dribble. Still get out there. Yeah. Yeah.

Hess:

Yes, you can leave dinner on the stove and get out there and play with the grandkids.

Delbert:

Exactly. Live in the moment.

Hess:

All right, Delbert. I love you.

Delbert:

Love you. You too. Peace and love everybody.

Hess:

Please hit the follow button and also leave us a review. We love you. Take care. Bye.