Let Me Tell You This About That

Remembering Carole: A Legacy of Love and Loss

• Hess and Delbert

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In this heartfelt episode of "Let Me Tell You This About That," hosts Hess and Delbert recount personal stories of loss, remembrance, and resilience. They reflect on the holidays, the importance of recharging, and the spirit of loved ones who have passed away. The conversation delves into the tragic impact of the opioid crisis, highlighting the story of Carole and her daughter Meaghan. Through emotional narratives, the hosts elucidate their journey for justice and how they've turned their grief into a legacy of giving by establishing Carole's Kitchen, a foundation that supports homeless and hungry children. Join them as they share touching memories, celebrate the human spirit, and encourage others to find strength and beauty in life's toughest moments.

In addition to being a podcast host, Hess is also an LCSW--if you'd like to learn more about her work as a therapist, check it out at www.jessicabollinger.com

One of her mission's is for all of our lights to shine--when we see each other and allow ourself to be seen--and we can say to the person in front of us, There You Are! the world will be an amazing place!

Delbert is a realtor in Louisville, KY, and you can find her at Kentucky Select Properties

Her philanthropic work to continue her sister Carole and niece Meghan is Carole's Kitchen. Blessings in a Backpack helps feed the many hungry students in our schools.





Hess:

Hey listeners, thanks so much for clicking in on us again and joining our conversation. This is Let Me Tell You This About That, and I'm Hess.

Delbert:

And I'm Delbert coming to you live from my green couch at my Christmas tree.

Hess:

She's on the green couch, and I'm at Green Turtle Key in the Bahamas. The day after Christmas, we went to the airport early, my wife and I, and with a friend, and got on the airplane, and landed at 1230 at Marsh Harbor in the Abaco. We have somebody else taking down our Christmas tree the day after Christmas. So that, that's a, that, that's pretty cool. And you're on your green couch looking at your tree still, right Delbert?

Delbert:

Yes, and I'm a big, don't take it down till after the Feast of the Epiphany.

Hess:

We always put up a fresh cut tree, and The first day, the first few days, Delbert, you gotta, I have to, it's my job, and I make sure I stick my finger in the water in the tree, and I keep adding water in a special concoction of water, vinegar, and some sugar, and keep adding water and adding water. To let the tree keep soaking up the water so the needles don't fall. About a week before Christmas, Delbert, I stopped putting any water in the tree because I knew my tree was coming down the day after Christmas. My beautiful friends that took it down for us a few days ago. I didn't want any water being in there so that they could, tilt that tree and carry it on out of the house. Anyway. Here I am in this beautiful space and you're recharging on the green couch and I'm recharging at Green Turtle Key. How about that?

Delbert:

Love it. Love it. Yes. And we're talking about, Get so hyped up and ramped up for Christmas and do all the things that we want to do or whatever holiday we're celebrating. We try so hard to make things great for our families and those around us. And you do, you've got to stop and recharge. I was telling Hess, I end up looking Beth from Yellowstone, that picture of her with the Santa hat and the black eye smoking a cigarette. That's how And takes me a minute to recharge from Christmas and you were talking about it always brings up loved ones that were missing at Christmas time.

Hess:

Yeah, I told you Christmas Eve I'm telling my mom we'll be gone for two weeks We're going to Green Turtle and my mom is in a memory care unit, my beautiful mom. She's 93 My mom looks at me and she says, is Nancy going with you this time? And podsters, Nancy is my cousin, Dewey my first cousin that, that connected Delbert and I together. We all grew up together and it was Dewey that brought Delbert and I back together again, also when Dewey was dying of lung cancer. And Dewey Came to came with us to the Bahamas very often. And it was so sweet. My mom without, she does not have short term memory anymore. She looks at me and she says, is Nancy going with you all this time? And it was so sweet. And I swallowed hard Delbert. And I said, Yeah, she is. And I smile because for sure her spirit is here. There's a big,

Delbert:

you.

Hess:

there's a big glass container on the shelf in the other room down here at this beach house and with sea glass. And I'd written something about four years ago about Dewey with the sea glass and it goes like this. Her daughter Angela gave me a small urn with her mother's ashes for me to keep. I put in some pieces of sea glass also, Angela told me. The Dewey sits on my top shelf in my office. We put some of the ashes a few trips ago. We brought some of her ashes down and we put it at Pineapple's Bar here on Green Turtle Key in the Bahamas. Seaglass, walking on the beach with Dewey. She could always spot it. Here's a piece she would call out and stoop down, brushing the sand off or going down and rinsing it in the surf. A treasure of color, worn smooth by the ocean and surf. She had a big jar that she would keep them in. Down here on Green Turtle, there's so many reminders of her here in the house. Pieces of treasures that she found. Just like her spirit is here. Like a dog that's gone and you still see it in the corner of your eye. Dewey playing with our son, Lucas. Her childlike spirit so connected to kids. Laughing and watching Ratatouille with Lucas countless times. She always took the time to listen to the children. All three of her daughters grew up strong because and in spite of all of the things that their mother had gone through. Their daughters are all so beautiful. All of the things they're just such amazing people. They have her style. They have her grace. They have her connection with children. To have her sense of, just, yeah, just class,

Delbert:

And style. Yeah. They decorate well. They dress well. They, each have their own sense of style and expressing themselves through art and all different ways. And so that keeps her spirit alive in there. They're very good about keeping their children and themselves very connected and celebrating the way that she did.

Hess:

I'm doing these beach walks in the morning, Delbert. I'm not finding any sea glass because Dewey Spirit hasn't pointed it out to me where it is. I'll have to ask her for that. And

Delbert:

you'll get it.

Hess:

yeah,

Delbert:

her. Yeah,

Hess:

but I was.

Delbert:

for it.

Hess:

I was touched Delbert and talking with you about the things that just get strewn up in the high tide of the very early morning on the shore here. I walk about a half a mile down and a half a mile back and just the stuff that gets thrown up. That gets thrown up on the shore. It could be, an empty bottle and I always pick up the empty bottles, they'll have the cap on. Cause that's what helped them keep floating. I always look to see if there's a message in a bottle or the shoe

Delbert:

that.

Hess:

Or the water bottles with Asian, writing on them and just how everything always comes back. It always comes back. It just like gets washed back up. On the shore. And yeah.

Delbert:

So true. Just like Christmas, seems to be, the holidays seem to be the time of the year when things come back up, you can't wrap a present without it being unwrapped and all the, everything being everywhere, right? It just keeps on everything. Everything has a cycle. And much as we have the good times during the holidays, also, memories of people we've lost do we, bubble up and, it's part of all of our emotions and what gives us energy during the holidays and also what makes us need to be recharged and, I was telling Hess, sometimes I'm so tired on Christmas day. And it's from the work that my family does for my sister's charity, Carolee Kitchen, we work really hard right before school gets out for the holidays to make sure all the kids from the schools that we take care of, have everything they need to go home over the holidays. And that's how we honor our sister Carole, because that was her mission when she was living. She a disc jockey and they got transferred from Louisville to Huntington, West Virginia kids were really little. And she eventually got a job at Marshall University. She also worked for Our Lady of Fatima Church. Start, she worked at the Newman Center there. And she created a dinner for, The students that was just really mirrored what my mamaw and papaw did every Sunday for us was just to create a sense of community and belonging. Didn't matter what religion you were, just came once a week for dinner and for community. through that, they also started talking about the world and the community around them. And started being aware and doing community projects together. And one of the things recognized as they were meeting and having these dinners together. Was that suddenly this cute little small town that really revolved around the university and sports there that everybody loved football and the whole town would go to the home football games for Marshall they had all these cute little cafes and restaurants and just all these little shake shops and it was just cute. Just reminded you of Mayberry or something. It was just such a sweetest little charming town and she loved living there. But all of a sudden she started noticing that there were homeless people which she'd never seen before and one day She used to call me every day because I was going through a divorce at that time and she said Judy I'm not lying to you. There is a homeless person right outside my office window in the alley here. And she's I'm going to make sure that we feed that person. I'm going to make sure that the kids do something to take care of him. And she would make sure they got a plate or, and then she would also bake warm cookies to send out there. but it turned into a whole thing where the kids said, Carole there's people in every alley. And. And they started doing these warm burritos with lots of protein and carbs and they'd roll them up warm in aluminum foil, and they deliver them on their bikes. And they, this eventually is still going on today in Huntington. They're called the burrito riders.

Hess:

Wow. Great idea.

Delbert:

And so it's just got a lot of nutrients and, in the

Hess:

Protein.

Delbert:

Didn't understand how this little town having all this homelessness, but what she didn't realize, was this was the beginning of the opiate epidemic in this little town and all the surrounding areas. And, Purdue Pharma had pumped enough. Opiates enough, oxycodone and other into that little town to kill every man, woman and child 10 times over is what the lawsuit says. Okay,

Hess:

Wow. Before,

Delbert:

eventually, but this is what killed her and my niece Meaghan and. The other little girl that was running to school with them that day.

Hess:

before you go into the more of that story and take a few deep breaths and take care of yourself, okay?

Delbert:

Okay.

Hess:

I've done a little research too about Huntington and all that opioid stuff. The background, y'all, because I like going into stuff, is like, history over the globe, since the beginning of time, has been intertwined with the system of Lord versus Serf, Master, Slave, Conqueror, Conquered. The fort's built up on the hill and all the land around it's fought for and the land and the people in that land are used for the expense of the one who's in power. The opioid drug makers saw an unlimited market of buyers for their product by getting them addicted. The manufacturers earned billions from their prescription pain pills. It created a crisis and a public health emergency. Tens of thousands of deaths occur each year as a direct result of this opioid overdose. The town, city, and state treasuries were drained, paying for the destructive results of the opioids. So here in Huntington, West Virginia, there were 81 million highly addicted opioid pills were sent to the pharmacies of Huntington. 81 million. A small Rust Belt community on the Ohio River, and that was from the center of disease control. And since then, more than 500, 000 Americans have died since companies began to aggressively market those pain pills in the late 1990s. And the addiction began the gateway to overdosing, moving users to heroin, and the synthetic based. Fentanyl. I'm reading right now, Delbert, on the bookshelf down here is Barbara Kingsolver's book, Demon Copperfield, about a young boy whose mother died of oxytocin overdose. Okay, here we are. Let's go back to Carole, and she's doing the burrito riders, giving burritos to homeless people, didn't notice homeless people, and then all of a sudden they're coming, they're showing up. Okay, go ahead.

Delbert:

And burrito writers really evolved, after Carole passed

Hess:

Okay.

Delbert:

Where she worked at Marshall University in the Newman center. They actually christened the first Carole's Kitchen, because that's what the kids called it anyway. And so the Archdiocese came in and blessed it shortly after she died, and made it a really functional kitchen with, state of the art appliances, A commercial grade refrigerator and freezer. And we went and served one of her specialties, her chili the night of of the christening and the dedication. And so there's a plaque there. It's permanently called Carole's Kitchen. And so that was the first. And the students and faculty there carry out her mission there, and they volunteer at the Huntington Mission, which is now has open since the opiate crisis is where a lot of addicted parents and their children live, become homeless due to the, mainly due to the epidemic, some for other economic reasons. But

Hess:

Okay. Look, here you are, Delbert. You knew exactly where you were on Shelbyville Road when you got that call about your sister's accident on that April morning, right? Take us there. Take us there with you.

Delbert:

On April 2nd, I had just left a Lunch and Learn at a bank, and I was driving to Shelbyville Road. I was gonna do a little bit of shopping for work, my brother in law called me. Carole's husband, which is really weird. and he just said, Judy, do you have a minute to talk? And I said, sure, and he said, it's really heavy. So I need you to pull over. So I parked my car and he said, Carole and Meaghan have passed. And I'm like, no, you know what? And I couldn't even soak it in, and of course, I didn't know the whole story. But what happened was Carole always took her two children, Christopher and Meaghan, and two neighbor kids, Kelsey and Kendall, to school. And Kendall was Meaghan best friend, and Kelsey was her little sister. And as she was pulling out of the driveway with Christopher and Meaghan friend pulled up in the front said, Christopher do you want to ride with me? We have to work at Panera. After school, and so Chris

Hess:

Christopher's held right then.

Delbert:

oh, he's just turned 18 or hadn't quite turned 18 yet.

Hess:

Okay.

Delbert:

is the school year.

Hess:

And Meaghan is 14?

Delbert:

No, she's 15

Hess:

Okay. Okay.

Delbert:

her 16th birthday.

Hess:

Okay. Okay.

Delbert:

and gets out of the car and goes in and gets his uniform and rides to school with his friend.

Hess:

All right, then.

Delbert:

And then Carole rides down the road with Meaghan and goes to Kelsey and Kendall's house. And Kelsey comes out and gets in the back seat. And their mom, Stephanie, comes out and says, Kendall's not going. She's got an eye doctor appointment. I'm going to bring her in later. And so they head down the road and then this lady that's driving under the influence, she hits them, moves them off the road and the car entrapped them, because electrical system shut down and it caught on fire. And so they got trapped in and and so Christopher and his friend, a few minutes after the accident, they pass the scene, but they don't even recognize. The car, they don't know. They just know they're passing an accident. And shortly after that, the road gets closed down. And not too long after that, then, the sheriff contacts, Jeff, Carole's husband and Stephanie and her husband, and they call the doctor's office for Kendall. And is just how the universe works. Here, Christopher had just gotten out. His life is spared. Kendall calls the eye doctor and says, not going to be able to come in today. And they say honey, appointment's not until tomorrow. We've written the running date on your appointment card. We wrote the second, but it should have been the third.

Hess:

Wow.

Delbert:

these both, two children in both families, one child from both family is spared

Hess:

You all find out that the woman involved in the accident what she she was under the influence of alcohol and opioids?

Delbert:

not alcohol just she, they weren't sure. What exactly, the day that it happened, she went to the hospital, just dropped her child off at school, and they were just doing a toxicology, and it took a really long time for it to come back, She had so much of two different drugs in her system that they created a 3rd drug pure metabolism.

Hess:

wow.

Delbert:

So she, she was really high and just on, her own body's reaction to what all she'd taken, and it took weeks for her to be, arrested. And then, we went to that sentencing and that began. Just a really long, because there were so many people involved, the doctor, the pharmacies, the car manufacturer, all of these different components culminated in this one event were a different trial in and of itself, and so first was her, arrest and arraignment and hearing, and then it just went down the line to the doctor,

Hess:

The doctor that prescribed the pills,

Delbert:

And then the pharmacies that filled on, there were three,

Hess:

there were three, three pharmacies that she used. To get this prescription.

Delbert:

And made would, copy prescription pads and things, Copies And then so that took and then finally the car manufacturer, which that was the only case that we lost. But it ended up being 7 years of driving back and forth to Huntington.

Hess:

With your family, with your mom, with siblings.

Delbert:

And, and so that began just the pursuit of justice and that was tiring and in between that we did have the dedication of her kitchen and all of that, but we hadn't established Carole's kitchen yet I had started working with blessings in a backpack because that gave me a sense of, Working for somebody else. That's the best way to heal yourself.

Hess:

Yes. Wow.

Delbert:

I was to the point where I was just so down. I, lost my sister and my best friend, my God child. I was driving back and forth to just hear these horrendous things that happened to them. And the real estate market at that time was bad. and I was getting a divorce and I just thought, Oh my goodness. I felt like I'm one of those punching bags with the sand in the bottom of it that you have when you're a kid. And I was like, okay, I'm getting back up. You know how slow, when you hit them real hard, how slow they get back up. I'm like, and then when I found something To do,

Hess:

Yes. For the good.

Delbert:

That there's someone, I say this about that on the worst day of my life, on the very worst day of my life, I was not a hungry, homeless child. And I found out about Blessings in a Backpack, and my company got assigned to a school that had the highest homeless population of elementary school children. And I'm like, wait, what? There's homeless elementary students? How can that be? How can that be in this world? I thought, There were homeless people in Huntington because my sister told me about that, but I thought that in the 70s, we solved all the problems of the world. I thought, dare to care came out and we, in Louisville, Kentucky, dare to care started because a little boy starved to death on Thanksgiving Day back in the seventies.

Hess:

Wow.

Delbert:

And and so I thought, we've solved all these problems. We really try to take care our people here in Louisville, Kentucky, and that just wasn't and so it opened my eyes to that. And that no matter what you're going through in your life, there are people Who are going through more than you are. That's how we decided to start Carole's kitchen to honor her, to create legacy out of tragedy. and really from that point on, I felt victorious

Hess:

Wow. I'd say, Delbert, in the lawsuit getting the license taken away from the doctor, he can't prescribe this to other people. He'll, that will help the addiction of lots of people. The pharmacies that got caught that, that had to make retributions, the three pharmacies that, that helped

Delbert:

Yes.

Hess:

people.

Delbert:

changed a law because of what happened to Carole and Meaghan and Kelsey, a law actually changed about prescriptions.

Hess:

Then you all lost the lawsuit but I remember you telling me and check me if, tell me if I'm right or not, that changed the manufacturing of the car because of this. Is that right?

Delbert:

No, I don't know if that's true. I know that was just a flaw from that year and I think it had already been changed.

Hess:

Okay. Okay. Okay. So

Delbert:

with them. But the thing that I remember most is, just having to watch Christopher testify and he really didn't want to go through that again. And I heard Kendall say, try to get married without your best friend and your sister she had gotten married and, had a child after all, and, just the things that I heard my nephew say that I'd never known before, When we walked out of the that last courtroom He said I'm done. I'm done. We've won all the other cases We've gotten law changed and don't want to go through this again I said I completely understand and my mom was really set on winning everything and She was at home mom and My brother in law actually died during the, all these proceedings. My mom died shortly after the last court case,

Hess:

Carole's husband had passed just from an illness.

Delbert:

yeah he got cancer, And he passed. So Christopher was the only living immediate family member.

Hess:

Wow

Delbert:

then And then my mom was really sick with cancer and couldn't go to the last hearing. And then on the way home, I went with my Aunt Lainie, because I said, I'm, Christopher is not going to do that by himself. I'm going. And then my Aunt Lainie saying you're my baby. I'm not letting you go by yourself because my mom and my siblings couldn't go. And so it was her and I drove. And she said, how are you going to tell your mom, that you lost? I texted my friend group and my friend Noni. She sent me this scripture that they read at her brother, Stephen's funeral. He died of cancer at a really young age. And it was Timothy the Corinthians that said, I fought the good fight and I finished the race and now a merited crown awaits me. And I read that to my mother when I got home

Hess:

Yes.

Delbert:

and I said, I sat on the couch where she died in our family room. And I said, I want to read this to you before I tell you. And and she said, I'm okay. I'm okay.

Hess:

Yeah,

Delbert:

everything we could This. And And we actually filed for our 501 C my mom's birthday, right before she passed, the year

Hess:

Wow.

Delbert:

And so we had Carole's Kitchen going

Hess:

Yeah.

Delbert:

In Louisville and and my mom passed shortly after that. And so I read that at her funeral.

Hess:

Yeah. Oh

Delbert:

that's probably, friends, all I can tell you about that today. And we'll continue the story. It is a long story with just a lot of twists and turns. But the biggest. The biggest takeaway is just that, my family and I did not let it take us down that we established a foundation to continue Meaghan and Carole's and their spirit. And right now we're serving about 11 schools in Louisville, Kentucky and Carole's hometown. And and a lot of times I'll go in the school and the kids will call me Carole. And I'm like, that's good. That's.

Hess:

Gosh Delbert, I love you or something else You're something else. Thank you all. This is, we wanted to, I wanted to give you the background about Carole. And it's it's a beautiful legacy that you've established. And just like that, that, that sea glass it's something that can shine on. Yeah. Bringing a gift to the world. Yeah.

Delbert:

all a piece of sea glass. Our our lives are shaped in all these different ways from what's tossing us around. And then bringing us back to the shore. So stay beautiful. People

Hess:

Yeah.

Delbert:

beautiful.

Hess:

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Peace and love. We love you. Thanks so much, Delbert. And we'll talk to you all next week. Thank you so much for joining our conversation. Please subscribe to our channel. We're spreading one person at a time, one story at a time. Thanks for joining our conversation. We love you. I love you, Delbert.

Delbert:

Love you too. Peace and love.