Let Me Tell You This About That

The Reverse Bucket List—Celebrate yourself and your story!

• Hess and Delbert • Season 1 • Episode 14

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Join Hess and Delbert for a heartwarming conversation in their Sunday morning chat. Despite the chilly weather, they discuss their New Year's reverse bucket list challenge, reflecting on past achievements and moments that have brought them joy and growth. From sharing personal accomplishments of baking lasagna and childhood dreams to encouraging listeners to appreciate their life stories, Hess and Delbert inspire a sense of gratitude and self-celebration. Tune in to hear their insights on joy, resilience, and the small victories that make life beautiful.

Jose is getting his chemo--Help my friend José wipe out the Stage 4 cancer in his body!
https://gofund.me/e6f61999

In addition to being a podcast host, Hess is also an LCSW--if you'd like to learn more about her work as a therapist, check it out at www.jessicabollinger.com

One of her mission's is for all of our lights to shine--when we see each other and allow ourself to be seen--and we can say to the person in front of us, There You Are! the world will be an amazing place!

Delbert is a realtor in Louisville, KY, and you can find her at Kentucky Select Properties

Her philanthropic work to continue her sister Carole and niece Meghan is Carole's Kitchen. Blessings in a Backpack helps feed the many hungry students in our schools. The instagram account is: https://www.instagram.com/caroleskitchen.nonprofit?utm_source=ig_web_button_share_sheet&igsh=ZDNlZDc0MzIxNw==





Hess:

Hey, welcome listeners. Thank you so much for coming to our Sunday morning chat. Let me tell you this about that. I'm Hess

Delbert:

Good morning, everybody. I'm Delbert, and I'm coming to you live from the green couch, not looking at my Christmas tree. I actually did take it down. So I'm just looking at this beautiful blanket of snow that's gently falling again here in Louisville, Kentucky.

Hess:

and somehow even being a little bit more east of you Delbert We've already have just a little more powder than you on the ground the high is right now 28 degrees and it's gonna go down to about 7 tonight

Delbert:

Oh, wow. Goodness. Okay.

Hess:

if the brush that snow off with that cheap broom you got before it gets colder and freezes

Delbert:

Now, let me tell you this about that. I have not. I need to do that. I probably, but I need to go to the grocery store after I work today. So I'll, I'll let you know how it is when I get out there this morning here. So you can try to come and visit your family,

Hess:

Hey, I was telling Delbert at the beginning when we connected this morning was that I listened to our bringing joy podcast, our last podcast from last week. I listened to it yesterday and it made me feel a lot better. It reminded me there are so many things to be joyful about. I can look and see those things. I can plan for joy and I can try to be. What struck me about re listening to that Delbert is, is I want to be a swirl. You said you at the retreat, you wrote down that you're part of the swirl of the sunrise and the sunset. That orange swirl. And I thought, okay, I want to be, or a pink swirl. I want to be, I want to be a pink swirl. So it really lifted my heart. Thank you for that. Y'all go back and listen to it.

Delbert:

you know, being part of the sunrise and the sunset. I don't know. When I started doing that, but I was really little, I just love the sun and I always say my parents are both Leo's. They're both sun signs, and I've just always been attracted to the sun and almost like I'm a little kid when the sun is setting. I'll pull my car over just just just to see it set. I just feel like I want to be part of it every single day and part of seeing it rise every single day. And our friend Terry's like that, too. Both just fell in love with with the sun and watching it come up and, and go to bed. And then I started loving the stars and the moon too. So anyway, yeah, so many little joys you can have in your life. And I hope that our podcast brings you some of that joy and reminds you about the little thing. I've been loving seeing people do these snow angel challenges, like in their pajamas or like in a bathing suit or something. That looks so invigorating. I haven't done that yet. I've been, I've been working a lot this week. I haven't had time for a snow angel. That's not good.

Hess:

Well, that's a good thing that the real estate market is so good right now.

Delbert:

It is brisk like the weather and we're looking at other markets where it's slowing down, but we're not. We're still in multiple offers. You know, we're, we're still press, but. Has sent me and a couple or when all of our group that we did the Brene Brown retreat together, what we call our Barkley village sent us sort of a challenge and

Hess:

Yeah, let me tell you about

Delbert:

You tell us about the reverse bucket list and let's challenge our listeners to do it, too, because it's it also sparks a lot of joy. Right?

Hess:

Okay, let me tell you this about that. I'm in a group at my Unitarian Church called Soul Matters and we have a theme every month and we meet for a couple hours on zoom. I have about 5 or 6 people in my group and the topic this month is our stories. How important our stories are are see you guys our brain is wired for story It helps us make sense of something. Anyway, I thought this tied to for the joy, you know, a lot of people Delbert around January. They do those New Year's resolutions and They're they're trying to they're trying to make plans for how they can make their story of their life better, right?

Delbert:

Absolutely. Absolutely.

Hess:

1 form of a New Year's resolution is a bucket list, a list of all the amazing things that you want to do before you die, but a problem with that by focusing on how we want to make our life. story amazing in the future, we can easily lose sight of how our story is already amazing. So this is where that reverse bucket list comes in. It is what it sounds like, the opposite of a bucket list. Instead of looking forward, it looks back. And the gift, Delbert, of a reverse bucket list is how it makes us feel grateful for our life story as it is.

Delbert:

That's perfect. I love it so much. And it does. I've started working on mine and it does really make you think it makes you so grateful for the things that you've done and the relationships that you have. So, Tell the part has about turning off that part of your brain.

Hess:

Okay. Well, let me, I will. The questions are number one, what have you done that's interesting or different and by your own standards, of course, number two, what have you got right with relationships? Number three, what's something you feel especially proud of number four, have you shown up for someone important, either yourself or someone you care for? Number five, what's a hard thing you managed to see through and overcome? So as Delbert said, I suggested to our Berkeley village group, make sure that you turn off those voices in your head that said, brag, don't be boastful. do you think you are? You got to turn that off. I want you to think about and write down things that, that, that you've done that are interesting or different. Okay.

Delbert:

I love it. And that will invoke joy in your life. Just naturally, it'll make you smile.

Hess:

Yeah. So just for that question, what have you done? That's interesting or different. Go ahead and say what you said this minutes ago, Delbert.

Delbert:

Well, the first thing that came to my mind about the bucket list was I made a pan of lasagna and if you know, you know, cause I'm a horrible cook, you know, so I'm like, you know, And I'm thinking about our friend Karen in our Barclay village, you know, she'd be, she would probably think that's really funny, but I don't cook often, but I did cook for myself a lot this week. And so there you go. That's a little, that's a little victory for me.

Hess:

And, and what came up for me is last month I made my first pan of lasagna and it felt so amazing and so successful.

Delbert:

So there we are. We both small victories there, pan of lasagna. And I have to say it was pretty daggone good.

Hess:

Mm hmm. That's the second question. What have you got right with relationships? You know? The third, what's something you feel especially proud of? Fourth, how have you shown up for someone important, either yourself or someone you care for? five, what's a hard thing you managed to see through and overcome? So Delbert, you kind of and, and however you do this is how you're supposed to do it. Delbert, you said you kind of wrote some paragraphs down.

Delbert:

Yeah, I just when I got the text from you, I was working. And so I didn't get a chance to really look at it until I got home. And but the 1st thing that came to my mind. Was the best week that I ever had in real estate is a little bit of a story. My daughter was on jury duty and of course my son in law was working. And the first week we kind of had covered because the kids were in Shakespeare camp. So that just involved the other grandparents and I. Picking them up

Hess:

it was, and it was summertime and they weren't in

Delbert:

right. Summertime, busy time in real estate, you know, and there's seven and eight. And so then the next week, the other grandparents had already planned a trip and they went on it. And I was kind of with the kids working. The rest of that, that last week. And you know, I had think about things that you don't think you can do work, you know, with young kids that want to be doing something in the summertime. I sold the most houses I've ever sold in one week that week, I sold 13 houses and just a little side note, five of them were like a portfolio and took my grandkids to my office with me. I took them. to inspections and appraisals to meet appraisers. And, and I'd say, you know, just be good, you know, for this inspection. And then we've got an appraisal, then we're going to the pool. And so that week, you know, you would've thought you couldn't have done it, but I sold the most houses. We had the best time. We went to three pools in one day. We'd eat breakfast and go to a pool, eat lunch, and go to a pool, eat dinner, and go to another pool. And they spent the night with me that night. So that was like the best day ever.

Hess:

best day.

Delbert:

they learned how to do a flip off the rocks at Lakeside. You know, they learned how to do like a sailor's dive instead of a regular dive. We just had so much fun and I never would have thought that I could pull that off, but it ended up being one of the best weeks of my life. And I just look back on it and I smile so hard. And I was telling Hess, my littlest darling was probably six or seven. And we went into this one house that was a little rough. One of my listings and we were waiting to meet the appraiser and I was kind of spraying Febreeze and shining a few that look at like a shoulder print in the refrigerator. I'm trying to like, pop it out with my hand and wipe it off and

Hess:

Shine in the faucets.

Delbert:

of shining things up a little bit. Look at these beautiful flowers over here. Distract distract and the little one grabs my hand and says, oh, darling, do you think this is going to appraise? Wow. My work here is done. These kids know. So anyway, what what story comes to your mind about that?

Hess:

Well when I was little, one thing I have written on my list when I was little, okay. Okay. when you're little, you think you can do or be anything. You know, when I was little, I thought I could be, I was playing the guitar. I was strumming the guitar. I knew some chords and I thought I could be on the Ed Sullivan show. so I wrote him a letter asking to be on a show and I, and I, I, I thought the, the letter was mailed. Right? So every day, Delbert, I went down to the mailbox and I'd be so excited because I have the same name as my dad. I would think that was it. This is the letter. There's my name.

Delbert:

It's happening.

Hess:

So I wrote Ed Sullivan a letter to be on his show and sing and play the guitar when I was like five years old.

Delbert:

I love it.

Hess:

Yeah. Yeah. Anyway, that's interesting and different.

Delbert:

He missed the boat. I was going to, I've been meaning to tell you this about that.

Hess:

Tell me this about that.

Delbert:

When we went to the Museum of History and Design in New York the Barbie project had this dream gap, and research shows that starting at age five, many girls stop believing they can be anything. This is

Hess:

they, when they reach what age?

Delbert:

The age of five

Hess:

Whoa.

Delbert:

they stop believing they can be anything and this is called the dream gap and to help close it Mattel launched the dream gap project in 2018 And you know, there is there's this time when when kids stop believing And it's so sad to me. I'm so glad you thought you could be on the Ed Sullivan show because you could have. I'll tell you all that HEss played trailers for Sailor Rent with her guitar and was the hit of Sister Carmen Sita's fourth grade class.

Hess:

I sang it on in class.

Delbert:

yep, you did. And and everybody just, you know, lost it when you'd say, ain't got no cigarettes. It was great. You don't remember that? Because she said for Christmas we could bring anything in that we wanted to do. And you, and we were like, do it, Jess, do it. Bring your guitar.

Hess:

Wow. No, I don't. But this, what comes up for me is this about that is just on Friday night I went to the gymnastics meet at the university of Kentucky. They were competing against Alabama and they won. Even though Alabama was ranked higher we won like five, about five points as well, but I went with my friend, Sally Shepley, a new friend of mine from burn bootcamp, and she has two beautiful kids. I think an eight year old and five year old daughters, 8 son, five, and one of the daughter's friends. And Sally's telling me that little Clara her teeth are growing in, but there's not enough space. And so they took her to the orthodontist to get spacers. Okay. So this is just functional for her mouth, for her bite, right? And little Clara gets asked the question, zero to 10, how much do you like your smile? And Claire's like looking at her, like got her nose crunched up, you know what? and then the lady says again, you know, zero to 10, how much do you like your smile? And Claire's like, what, what kind of question is that? You know, that's as long as Claire is comfortable. She's fine, you know, and there's no, there's no self judgment at all at that age.

Delbert:

I hate that. They, they do that when you go to the orthodontist. Tell me what you don't like about your smile. And I'm like, that's the most important thing. Excuse me, A-hole question to ask a young person. They really need to stop doing that.

Hess:

Yeah. So do you know that that happened? Did you experience that with your kids?

Delbert:

I did.

Hess:

Wow.

Delbert:

Yep, and I thought. And and then with my grandkids too. Someone said that to them. So whatever kind of practice that is, if you're listening, stop it. It's BS. We're rated clean, so I didn't cuss Hess.

Hess:

We're not explicit.

Delbert:

Yeah,

Hess:

explicit about this, about that, but we won't, I

Delbert:

you know what we're saying, you know, or saying, well, has had such an interesting life and she's so adventurous and brave. So

Hess:

know what else I have on that list

Delbert:

yes, I do. I know. I think I know some of them.

Hess:

now I think I can add playing the guitar and sister Carmen Cita's class.

Delbert:

You're welcome.

Hess:

Well, of course, then we've talked about this 1, the state high school basketball championship my senior year with my team. I took my horse to college with me. was blessed to be able to do that. 1 summer, I wrote a tandem bicycle from Seattle back to Kentucky. I opened my own business, a fruit market right after college. I moved to the farm when I was 27. Right before I moved to the farm, I traveled to Australia and New Zealand by myself for a month. I bought my own boat, The Relationship, when I was 55. I competed my horse up to intermediate level and I got a hole in one last year in golf.

Delbert:

Wait, you got to talk about the loop.

Hess:

Oh yeah, I'm a looper. That's, that's the American great loop cruisers association. I belong to that when I turned 55 or in my fifties, I thought I want to have adventures. I was carrying a lot. I've always carried a lot of keys in my life, a lot of responsibility. And I read all these books about people that had walked the Appalachian trail. And it's just like one foot in front of the other. And I read all these books and I thought, okay. And so then for Christmas, I asked for stuff to be able to take on the Appalachian trail. And I got a backpack. I got a jet power, a jet boil stove. I got a pound, I got a two pound tent. I got a one pound sleeping bag. And that summer Delbert after that Christmas, I went to Croatia and I had a whole day in New York city to walk around. I flew into Newark and I flew out of Kennedy or LaGuardia or somewhere. I had a whole day in between. So I'm carrying my backpack. Around, I mean, I could have carried a rolling bag to this trip to Croatia. You could take a suitcase, but I took this backpack. carrying around this backpack all around New York city. And I'm thinking, you know, and I'm going in a restaurant. I'm having to put this backpack next to me. thinking, man, this thing's heavy. This is uncomfortable. I don't like this. Then I started reading, honey, let's get a boat. And that was about the Stub's who were from California and they bought a boat and they did this American great loop, which is a circumnavigation of the Eastern part of the United States. You go up the intercoastal canal. to New York, you go up to Hudson River, you either go the Erie Canal up to the lakes, or you can go up the Champlain Canal anyway, somehow you get back to Chicago, through the Great Lakes, or different ways through Canada, you get back to Chicago, you go the Illinois River to the Mississippi, You turn left at the Mississippi River, you go down the Mississippi River past St. Louis, you turn left up the Ohio River, you turn right after Paducah, and you go into the Tennessee River, which is Kentucky Lake, down through Kentucky Lake, and you end up at the 10 Tom Waterway, this waterway that's been made. canal that connects you to Mobile, Alabama, and then when you get to Mobile, Alabama, can go straight across. You can kind of go across the panhandle Florida a little bit and then go down the Tarpon Springs, or you can try to go around the shoulder or the, I guess, the armpit of Florida you could go across Lake Okeechobee. But anyway, when you finish the loop, wherever you start the loop, they say that you cross your wake. So you might've started Minnesota. You might've started in Virginia or in Louisville, Kentucky. And wherever you, whenever you come back to where you started, then you cross your wake and you've completed, it's about 5, 200 miles. I think, if I got a boat anyway, they also wrote a book called side trips of the loop in a trailable cruiser. And they did this in a small boat. And I thought, that's what I can do because I live on a farm. I have a son, I'm married. I can't be gone for very long. So I'll get a trailable boat. And so that's how I ended up choosing boat, the Relation Ship. That's the story about that.

Delbert:

I love that. And that is amazing. And so that's a crossover. Hess and I always say our lives have crisscrossed in so many ways. And so my bucket list is really, really just because I can't be gone from work very long. I get to do the lakes and rivers of Kentucky with Hess. And So, we've, we've been to a lot of the lakes and rivers in Kentucky, and it's such a beautiful state and they're so gorgeous. We don't have many to go. But So the reverse part of that is

Hess:

to do

Delbert:

all the ones we've gone to have been so beautiful. And, and then again, another thing with Hess, we're both writing memoirs. She's a little further than

Hess:

yeah.

Delbert:

I am. I never thought I would do that. And I'm doing a podcast with you, That's, and the Brené Brown retreat. I never thought I would do something like that, you know?

Hess:

Absolutely.

Delbert:

go out into you know, sort of a way out in the country, in the dead of winter. People that I knew that didn't know well, a lot of them that didn't know well, and it was just such an amazing experience. And then, of course, just most recently, we've already talked about these 2 things, but I did that kind of spur of the moment trip to New York City with 1 of my grandchildren as a birthday and Christmas present, and that was so great. I just kind of pushed myself out of my comfort zone, and. Pretended like I was New Yorker for a few days and then starting a charity with my family.

Hess:

Right. Wonderful. Wonderful. Wonderful. Yeah. You know, y'all, the last question, what's a hard thing you've managed to see through and overcome? You've discussed that on the pod. Y'all can go back and listen to previous

Delbert:

Right.

Hess:

about your sister, Carole, dying in that tragic car accident.

Delbert:

And that, that's how the charity started. So I always, you know, that makes me smile that I could get through that and the relationships that we've held on to and created. I'm super proud about that.

Hess:

So this is something you all that can make you feel good about yourself and bring some joy and things that you've done, the ways that you've been in your life with relationship, with things you're proud of, have you shown up for somebody important, and that includes yourself, and what's a hard thing that you've overcome and seen through. You know, so this is a, this is a, this is a good list. Take some quiet time, write down those questions And write out your answers and, and, and brag. have all the reason to brag about it. 13 properties in one week bringing your little seven year old and eight year old darling around with darlings around with you to the, to the showings, to the open houses, to the To the closings, all of that, Delbert. It's amazing to the, when you have something evaluated, what do you call that? This, when your darling grabbed your hand and said, is this going to be

Delbert:

Is this going to appraise darling

Hess:

this, are they even going to be able to give a price for this thing?

Delbert:

looks a little abused, but it did appraise. I have to say side note. We shined it up good enough. But yeah, I really want to encourage people to take a little time to do the reverse bucket list. Make you smile and something. On some of these cold January days to fill your cup up and say, Hey, I've had a great life. Hey, I've done some stuff.

Hess:

At the beginning of our call, Delbert, I told you, I said, sometimes I just get frustrated or sad, or I wonder if I'm doing enough. And it's, and then Delbert, you said, Oh, you've done so much, Jess, you're doing this, you're doing that. And I said, I want to be smart about it. I want to do it in a smart way. I want to do things, The way that, and I mean, I need a crystal ball. I need you to do some angel cards or for me and for something to make sure I was doing it right before I'd start, but I really just have to start doing, and then we can decide whether that was right or not. Right.

Delbert:

Right?

Hess:

But now that we're talking about these things it, it can make me, it can, it, it, it makes my mind reset to, to less judgmental way. Am I, am I, am I doing it right enough?

Delbert:

Right, because you can only know what we know, right? And you can research it and research it, but then eventually, once you have enough information, you have to go ahead and pull the trigger. That's how we have to live our lives, gather as much information as we can make a good informed decision on what information we have. You know, because how many times do we get to the end of something and say, well, if I would have only known that, you know, there's, you know, sometimes that's how life is. Maybe we weren't supposed to know that. And we just do it

Hess:

And you know, we, I preach what I teach, what I, what I need to know, I preach what I want to know myself. I tell my, I talk to a lot of different clients about the decision tree when we get stuck. When we can't decide, well, we just just get like, like you said, Delbert, we know, we only know what we know, go ahead and make a decision. And then that branches off to a different decision a little bit further down and then that branches off. To another turn that we can make a little bit further down. So it's,

Delbert:

exactly. Exactly.

Hess:

It's, it's a, it's a road with, with with a lot of different turns and some, some lights, caution arrows some curves and. and it's not always just an open highway of just one answer. One decision.

Delbert:

Exactly. And then, you know, once we have more information, if we find out we're on the wrong, then, you know, correct it, you know, try not to be stubborn, try to go ahead and say, okay, I'm going to go with the flow. I'm going to make a correction. On this path based on new information. So we hope you write down all the great things that you've done in your life and you evaluate them in a kind tender and, and go ahead and brag about yourself.

Hess:

Okay. Y'all get a pen. I'm going to, I'm going to repeat these questions. What number one, what have you done that's interesting or different by your own standards? Of course it could be

Delbert:

It could be lasagna.

Hess:

on you. Number two, what have you got right with relationships? Number three. What's something you feel especially proud of? Number four, how have you shown up for someone important? Either yourself or someone you care for. have you shown up for someone important? And the next one, what's a hard thing you managed to do? To see through and overcome what's a hard thing you managed to see through and overcome now a little caveat. I wrote their Delbert on mine is I don't think we ever overcome something I've learned many things right through harder difficult times, it's, it's just, it's just helped me. You know, it's helped me things better, think different in other, you know, we, it's still, it's still in our, it's still in our matrix after we've gone through something hard or

Delbert:

Right, right.

Hess:

Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Folks. and love. Spread this. Share it. Like it. Give us a review. We love you. Thanks for listening to. Let me tell you this about that. I'm Hess.

Delbert:

I'm Delbert. You all have a wonderful week. We love you.