Let Me Tell You This About That

Feeling it, and Moving Forward--Through the Hard Stuff

• Hess and Delbert • Season 1 • Episode 16

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Hosts Delbert and Hess share an intimate and heartfelt discussion on living in the moment against the backdrop of everyday life and profound tragedies. They reflect on personal experiences, share insights into dealing with grief, and emphasize the importance of being present in every moment. From the peaceful beauty of a Kentucky morning to the aftermath of a tragic accident, they take listeners through a journey of emotions, emphasizing resilience, human connection, and the power of mindfulness.



Jose is getting his chemo--Help my friend José wipe out the Stage 4 cancer in his body!
https://gofund.me/e6f61999

In addition to being a podcast host, Hess is also an LCSW--if you'd like to learn more about her work as a therapist, check it out at www.jessicabollinger.com

One of her mission's is for all of our lights to shine--when we see each other and allow ourself to be seen--and we can say to the person in front of us, There You Are! the world will be an amazing place!

Delbert is a realtor in Louisville, KY, and you can find her at Kentucky Select Properties

Her philanthropic work to continue her sister Carole and niece Meghan is Carole's Kitchen. Blessings in a Backpack helps feed the many hungry students in our schools. The instagram account is: https://www.instagram.com/caroleskitchen.nonprofit?utm_source=ig_web_button_share_sheet&igsh=ZDNlZDc0MzIxNw==





Delbert:

Hey, everyone out there on our podcast, this is Delbert coming to you live from the green couch.

Hess:

And this is Hess I'm coming live from a little white chair next to the window in my bedroom, looking out at the horses on the farm.

Delbert:

It's a little gloomy today, but there was still a little bit of a sun sunrise. So we were talking about living in the moment, and I'm just enjoying that little bit of. little bit of color that's coming up out of the sky this morning.

Hess (2):

Yeah, Delbert, the horses are living in the moment this morning. They don't want to come in. We had to. We had to take the, the gator, the mule, it's a mule Kawasaki mule, the mule and the scooter and round them up in that we have a big field with about 17 horses in that field. And we had to round them up with the scooter and the mule to get them in the catch pen. They didn't want to come up. It's warmed up a little bit here in Kentucky, which is a good thing. And so the horses are living in the moment, wanting to say, hey, and the grass is standing up a little bit after the snow melts. The grass is standing up a little bit and there's a little bit more green in the grass and the horses go, we want to stay out here and eat this grass.

Delbert:

Yeah, we're living it up. It's a little warm in Kentucky. Let's have a good time. beautiful. I love it. They're noticing how beautiful and green the grass is getting and good that fresh air feels. And so that is what we're talking about. in the moment. We started thinking about that after crash of that airline with the Blackhawk over DC this week, just things like that make you think about how precious life is, how taking every single last drop of every day, every minute. And it's so precious and so important.

Hess (2):

Yeah the morning after my friend Priscilla Fogel, love her. She posted a picture of one of the victims of the crash Delbert and when I saw that picture, it just, it was a gut punch seeing a face. Yeah. And I wrote this on January 31st. I'd like to read it. Would that be okay?

Delbert:

Of course.

Hess (2):

Waking up on the last day of the month. This has not been hard, writing 2025. I'm ready for it. Ready like having the boots with a lot of tread so I don't slip on the trail. Ready and having the fire lit and lots of wood in the stack. Ready. Knowing who I am and believing in who I am. The confidence that I am in an adult body. I can do what I need to do if someone or something happens. I don't have to live in fear. And I'm seeing the helpers. I'm not alone. I can hear their voices. Saying what truth to injustice. Calling out lies and injustice. As Maya Angelou says, I will rise, and we will rise. I saw my first face, bright, big smile. Professor Kiah Duggins was among those lost in the midair plane collision at Reagan National Airport. Professor Duggins was set to begin a new chapter as a professor at Howard University School of Law this fall. May her memory be a blessing. Phew! Anticipating the landing onto the runway ten seconds away. Then BAM! The helicopter splits into the plane and it falls into the water. May Kaya's last memory not be fear, but love. May she have felt her life of purpose and teaching in that moment. May she please not have suffered. I sit in this moment quiet. May Tears streaming down my face. We know not how long we will be here. We do not know the hour or the day. Please let me serve in this world to my greatest capacity. Let my voice and my actions be a bridge to love and connection. If I see a wrong, please give me the wisdom and courage to confront it, to speak up with a strong voice, guide me in my life to do everything that I can do. And then Delbert, after I wrote that.

Delbert:

Whoa.

Hess (2):

I took my shower,

Delbert:

Oh

Hess (2):

I cried, I just bawled in the shower.

Delbert:

Yeah.

Hess (2):

I just cried and I bawled and I felt everything that I was feeling, I was in the moment feeling everything that I was feeling.

Delbert:

Just let it cleanse you. Yeah, just

Hess (2):

Yeah.

Delbert:

cleanse yourself. And that big, beautiful smile

Hess (2):

Of Kiah. Yeah.

Delbert:

haven't seen it. It's, It was just magnetic and brilliant. And yeah, we, When you put a face with a horrible tragedy like that, it brings the humanity and you wrote so beautifully. So beautifully and what all of us were feeling and has posted that on Facebook and Everybody made everybody cry. It made everybody feel sad and joyful at the same time it felt like Participating in the celebration of her life for a moment

Hess (2):

Good good. And it flushed me to be able to stand in the shower and just cry and baw tell her,

Delbert:

Yeah,

Hess (2):

and that, that reminded me that. And I'm a licensed clinical social worker. I have clients that come in my office and I tell my clients, we got to feel stuff. We got to work through it, feel it so that you can work through it. And so that you can move. And so I thought, okay I'm doing what I'm telling I tell my clients to do. And then I was able to move forward out of there. Yeah.

Delbert:

out of your When we wake up to such shocking news, like we say it does it paralyzes you for a minute or And To get that emotion out so we can get back in motion and you did it. You did it all

Hess (2):

And Podsters, you've heard our stories. You've heard about Carole. And Meghan and little Meghan's friend that died in that car accident. And so that reminded me, Delbert of you when you got that news and you were driving to work down Shelbyville road and you just said to pull over and you had to walk into that Denny's and just drink a cup of black coffee and just sit there numb and feel it like, wait, Whoa, what's going on? What's going on. And then there was movement that you all did to help. Help right wrongs you all got the doctor Prosecuted that gave out so many opioids to this lady that caused the crash You've got the pharmacies held accountable, you know So you were able to move forward to do what you all needed to do to help Make things better

Delbert:

And that's so important. Motion is so important. Yes. when we talk about. Seeing that beautiful face, just that one face that puts that humanity for us everyone on that flight just the importance to living in that moment because we never know. We never know the last moment. And it made me reflect on flying over DC with my darling just recently on that trip to New York. And one of the things I was so excited about on that flight was that it was right at sunrise. And I had typed out this whole actually I wrote it out with colored pencils like Buddy the Elf or something, the itinerary. And it was like fly out of Louisville and fly over Washington D. C. At sunrise. That was the first thing. And I was like, Oh, the sun, it was a beautiful sunrise and we were flying over the cap. You could see the Capitol building could see the Washington monument and I love water so much. I'm like, look at the Potomac. Look how beautiful it is. Look at that beautiful river then we landed safely. Thank God. But we lived in that moment together,

Hess (2):

and you probably landed on runway 33 because you were in a regional jet coming from Louisville to DC before you caught your next flight to New York

Delbert:

To LaGuardia. And that's not lost on me how lucky you are to just land and to be safe and to be able to go on with your day. What a, what a gift it is to be able to go on with your day. In every single moment.

Hess (2):

To land in it to land in it and be in it and live it.

Delbert:

Exactly. It just takes you back so much. And so another flight that I was telling Hess about when my oldest daughter was going from her junior year in high school to her senior year, she got to go with her French class to Europe they flew on TWA 800 from LaGuardia. They from Louisville to LaGuardia and then they flew out of LaGuardia to Spain, so they went to Spain and France and Italy and Greece ended up in Greece and had this wonderful trip. And it was before 9 11. And so she bought this like little souvenir sword and a castle in Spain and was able to bring it home on the plane. I don't know about that anymore, but it is really pretty decorative sword. She still has it and she flew home and landed safely and got to tell us about her adventures and still hold on to those beautiful memories. then the next trip that went out. Was July 17th of 1996 that flight a bunch of high school kids that were going on the same adventure

Hess (2):

This was flight 800 again

Delbert:

erupted into flames over the Atlantic Ocean, for the grace of God, do you know, I was telling us I was listening to one of the passengers moms. And what she said on the news just has always stayed with me. She said, I get through it by saying one minute she was laughing with her friends and the next minute she was with God. And so that was her mom's comfort. And I just thought about how beautiful that was. And it just reminded me of the beautiful. Writing that you did right after this DC flight and what a strong person her mom was and how beautiful that memory is of her just laughing with her friends ready to go on this adventure.

Hess (2):

Y'all, y'all hear me a lot of times take a deep breath and release. It helps me. It helps me to take a deep breath. It activates my, my my vagus nerve. Y'all, you can do that. If you're feeling something, take a deep breath in and release. Wow, Delbert. So your daughter was on flight 800. And the very next flight, 800 that left LaGuardia crashed in the air after takeoff and all 230 people on the flight died.

Delbert:

She had just gotten safely home when that happened.

Hess (2):

Okay. Okay.

Delbert:

just gotten safely home and the next flight out, the

Hess (2):

Yeah.

Delbert:

thing filled with kids that were ready for an adventure. And so we try to make our pods. like our Sunday morning talks, just talk about our week, talk about what went on. We do just touch base with each other. And I was like, Hess we need to talk about living in the moment, something like this in life happens. Hess has all sorts of great information about how to be. Hess, is it how to be intentional and live in the moment or?

Hess (2):

Yeah, I our brain has that prefrontal cortex and that's our thinking brain that makes us special as humans. Also just the other day. I heard that because of that prefrontal cortex, we're one of the only animals that can think about death. Other animals are just always just like living in the moment. They're not thinking about death or how long they'll live. And I've witnessed that firsthand with my dogs or something that like one of my dogs was paralyzed in the back end Sarah Bell and I got her a I got her a little yeah. Little cart that had wheels and you strap her on it. And as soon as she got in that cart, she took off running. They never, they, what, my point is this, Dua used to say

Delbert:

Here is the point.

Hess (2):

point, this is the point is Is the point and the point is this that they don't ever feel sorry for themselves. They don't ever think, Oh my gosh, what's gonna happen to me? They're always living in the moment. And so that's the whole thing but so we have that prefrontal cortex that can think about that. The limbic part of our brain is a part of our brain that holds intrinsic memory, things that have happened that, that don't get processed. And that's why I'm telling you all that. Feel it. If you're feeling sadness, feel it. You got to feel it and allow it to process. And that, and then after feeling it then that helps you move. So this is a story I tell my clients. That and it's a story that I made up. This did not happen to me, and I remind'em of that as I tell it that I got bitten by a snake when I was about five years old, okay? And they thought that it could be a venomous snake, and I had to get an venom shots. Now my parents. Reacted just like they were. Oh, they were like, oh, my God, they, and I was supposed to be able to look to my parents for comfort, but they were all scared and reactive. So that was that came to me even made it more scary for me because they, their reaction now, folks, remember, this is something I've made up. So anyway that was really hard. Getting bitten by that snake, getting those antivenom shots and they hurt a lot. It was last summer, I was walking out into the field to get Speedy, he's my horse. And I was going to have a lesson with Kathy in about 30 minutes. And so I was going out in the field to catch Speedy. And as I'm walking through the field, I see a snake. Instantly, that limbic part of my brain, built for survival to help save us, I froze, I see this snake, and then I feel in my body, I can feel my, my heart start to race. My breath gets short and my hands are cold, clammy. They start to sweat. I'm frozen and I'm looking at this snake and I'm like, ah, and I'm standing there for, I don't know how long Delbert. And then the thought in my head pops in my head that says I better be, I better not be late for my lesson or Kathy's going to be bad.

Delbert:

The other survival part of your brain, right?

Hess (2):

Yeah. Yeah.

Delbert:

Yeah.

Hess (2):

So then I think I'm going to walk around the snake. So then I make a big wide circle and then the movement of my body as I start to walk, the movement helps me in the processing and then I move to my prefrontal cortex a little bit more as I'm moving my body and then I'm looking over with the side eye to the snake over there, and I'm watching and then I get curious. Because I see something shiny, Delbert, in the grass, and I get curious. I'm like And I stop and I lean over and I look at it closer a little bit and it was a lead shank laying in the grass and it was a snap on the lead shank. It wasn't a snake. And I go, Oh, wow. That is all of that about how Brent, how the brain works. And it's the movement of the body. There was some guy, Peter, somebody can't think of his name, but he wrote a book about it. Like it helps us process trauma to move our body. And he's got these yoga moves and stuff that can help it. He was thinking about a polar bear when it gets shot with a tranquilizer so that the scientists can look at it and the wildlife biologist or whoever look at it and they, and when the polar bear wakes up, he just shakes. And then he walks on and lumbers on. He doesn't live in the trauma of getting shot with his tranquilizer shot. Because he just shook it off. And that helps them move forward. And I think about you, Delbert and you all with our long friendship quality that you have, Delbert is this bounce back. And I think that's your shake off. I think that's your shake off to this bounce back.

Delbert:

It is, it's and if you know me, when you tell me bad news, I don't react right away like parents did in the imaginary story. And I feel like that's because I think it robs the people around you of their own reaction. I sit with things for a really long time and process them before and that's probably good and bad. I don't react or move really in a with bad news. I soak it in and think about it. It takes me a while to react to it.

Hess (2):

That's cause you're feeling it. I'm proud of you, Delbert. You're feeling it

Delbert:

Okay.

Hess (2):

allowed. You're sitting with the feelings of the person that experienced it directly. Also, is that what I'm hearing?

Delbert:

Yeah, I just sit with I, I just take everything in. It's just something I've always been a part of me. I just take it in and absorb it. And then I really, sometimes I don't really process big things, big news, and, I have to sleep on it. Usually it's the next day and then I react. But part of that is. Just my life, the way my life is, everybody's got their own little story, but also in real estate reacting is just a quick reaction is always. Not always, but usually not a great idea, because you're dealing with emotion and finance and just so many things that are important to people, where they're going to live, where they're going to raise their family. And so I always say when somebody calls and gives me some big piece of bad news or, upset on the other line, I say I'm listening to what you're saying and I'm just, I need to think about it. I'm not going to react to it right this minute. And that. That ticks some people off. Some people don't like that. They want you to react like they're reacting which is interesting. So most people get it, but some people get, get angry about it. I'm not quick to motion. And that Like I said, good or bad, but my mom, when I was little, say she was the first Taylor Swift. something bad would happen, she'd say, now, shake it off. You're

Hess (2):

Huh,

Delbert:

And I think about that, just internally okay, everything's going to be all right. I just need to shake this off and think about how, what my next step is going to be. And it's it's like that beautiful writing that you did, that beautiful piece that you did, it's like you've got the tread on your shoes. You've got the wood stacked, being ready, being prepared

Hess (2):

yeah.

Delbert:

everything

Hess (2):

Yeah,

Delbert:

how we step out of our comfort zone. how we live in the moment. It's how, because we've gathered everything, I talked about confident in New York city, even though I'd never been there and I was going with my darling and I was a little bit frightened. the preparation and the itinerary and all the tips that my friends gave me for this trip, I was ready, had to tread on my shoes. I was ready. And I think such a great lesson in life is to always be ready. Be ready like a Girl Scout or a Boy Scout. Be prepared and that gives you the confidence to take it all in and to live in that moment. Just enjoy every single little drop of sunshine, every single breath of air, every single part of your day.

Hess (2):

Delbert, you closed last week's pod with Ralph Waldo Emerson saying live this day Like it's the best day of your life

Delbert:

Write it on your heart. Yeah.

Hess (2):

Delbert with other news people getting letters to resign from their jobs like 2. 3 million people got a Drafted letter that I mean a form letter that says hey resign blah blah blah blah You I'm thinking, whoa, a gut punch in the gut that people have worked their whole life and risen to be able to do this job and have done this job for years and can be good at it. They're not being seen for their value. There are helpers, as you said that, that cut the wood. I have stocked right issues that give me,

Delbert:

shoes the tread.

Hess (2):

That there's helpers. But we got to sometimes get a gut punch and feel it. And then we can get in movement. What can I do personally? And what are the hell, who are the helpers out there that can make something happen then? One person commented to me this week said we haven't we're not, we need to hit a, we need to hit a point to where we really feel something like we're not hearing, we're not hearing bombs go off or hearing the sirens go off for us to take cover. We're not in, we're not in Ukraine. Luckily but if we were then, whoa, yeah, we need to do something. We need to stop this. And us, sometimes if it doesn't happen to us directly, we don't hit the low spot. Then we don't do something about it. So that might be a possibility that we gotta hit some low spots and feel it. And then that's going to help us rebound back and do what we can do and get involved with the helpers.

Delbert:

Exactly. Exactly.

Hess (2):

Well, Delbert, thanks for this was a, this was a bag of a lot of tough stuff talking about this morning, but I always feel better. And that's why we do this. Why this is why we put the pot out there. Delbert and I have known each other. For 60 years. Delbert just had a birthday on Friday. So she, you just cruised across the 67 year old wake. You do that four months before me. How's it feel to be 67?

Delbert:

Wonderful.

Hess (2):

Okay, cool.

Delbert:

I just got off route 66 on to 67 cruising, baby. Feels pretty good. Feels pretty good. went down to

Hess (2):

Oh,

Delbert:

Hotel with part of my family. My youngest daughter lives out of town, but my oldest daughter and her husband and my darling society, we went and it's the Brown Hotel is a special place for us. And. We have a special person. We love to wait on us and we love to get the hot brown that was at the hotel. And the chef came out and talked to us and they had the live piano player there. And so we just soaked it all in. We soaked in every minute,

Hess (2):

went upstairs to the rooftop and looked out on the city.

Delbert:

out at all the city lights and went into the crystal ballroom. It was nobody. If nobody's there, when you go to the brown hotel, you can go up to and see all the beauty of the city, all the historic rooms where there's, decades and decades of fun events, and they do a tea there, which didn't know about my daughter. One of her friends is the pastry chef there. She's

Hess (2):

Wow,

Delbert:

the tea here one year. It's in the crystal ballroom where. Our senior prom from Sacred Heart Academy in 1970s, no, 1975, cause we did it in the winter. But our senior prom was in the crystal ballroom. I was telling him back then you didn't have a DJ. You just had somebody's brother's band, play. It was so fun. fun.

Hess (2):

You celebrated your birthday at the Brown Hotel and you got a hot brown and one of your darlings ate their entire hot brown and the chefs that the waiter the waitress the waiter says I'm taking this back and showing the chef because nobody always eats it all It's huge

Delbert:

having for breakfast. Half of my hot brown that this morning, when we get off, I'm going to have the rest of it. So they were very proud of my little youngest darling. And my birthday card from the oldest darling has, self declared that they're the president of the Darling Society. So

Hess (2):

Oh,

Delbert:

it said, my card said from the president of the Darling Society, I wish you a very happy birthday.

Hess (2):

does that make your other darling, the vice president or

Delbert:

And maybe sergeant at arms cause they're really tough and are

Hess (2):

okay.

Delbert:

derby team. So I think that suits them too. but yeah, just soak in those moments friends with your friends and your family and your loved ones. In your community. Soak

Hess (2):

Hug him tight. Do what you can do. There's some joy. Look for the pink swirls, y'all. There might be a pink swirl in somebody's sunrise this morning, somewhere, somebody's sunset. Look for the pink swirls, feel it, then take action. Go catch your horse.

Delbert:

Go catch your horse days. And then the horses are like heard your podcast. I'm living in the moment out here.

Hess (2):

Yeah,

Delbert:

so I'll end with one more quote about sunsets because this is another one of my favorites.

Hess (2):

do it.

Delbert:

May every sunrise hold more promise and every sunset. Hold more peace

Hess (2):

Love it. Love you all. Thanks. Be sure to like and subscribe and to share. Peace and love.

Delbert:

everybody. We love you.