Let Me Tell You This About That

Community: The Ties That Bind and Allow Our True Selves

• Delbert and Hess • Season 1 • Episode 22

Share episode

Send us a text

Hess and Delbert explore the importance of community through personal anecdotes and reflections. Hess and Delbert share their experiences of reconnecting with old school friends, the value of lasting relationships, and the sense of belonging that comes from enduring friendships. They discuss how their childhood communities provided stability and support, even years later. The duo also touches on contemporary resources like social media that have helped them maintain these connections. Emphasizing authenticity and vulnerability, Hess and Delbert highlight the key role community plays in mental health and personal growth. They offer insights on growing up with different experiences of stability and mobility, and the impact these have on forming lasting bonds. Ultimately, they conclude that despite life's changes and challenges, being an authentic part of a community enriches life and fosters a deep sense of connectedness.


Help my friend José wipe out the Stage 4 cancer in his body!
https://gofund.me/e6f61999

In addition to being a podcast host, Hess is also an LCSW--if you'd like to learn more about her work as a therapist, check it out at www.jessicabollinger.com

One of her mission's is for all of our lights to shine--when we see each other and allow ourself to be seen--and we can say to the person in front of us, There You Are! the world will be an amazing place!

Delbert is a realtor in Louisville, KY, and you can find her at Kentucky Select Properties

Her philanthropic work to continue her sister Carole and niece Meghan is Carole's Kitchen. Blessings in a Backpack helps feed the many hungry students in our schools.





Hess:

Hey, welcome to, let me tell you this about that. This is Hess.

Delbert:

Good morning. This is Delbert. Again, live from the green couch. It is a beautiful March morning. A little rainy, but that's okay. We need flowers. We need green, so it's all good.

Hess:

Yeah. And I'm here on my white chair looking out the window. the backyard into the pasture in Delbert, think I'm seeing like 98% green now. It's not just slight green hues in the grass, it's full on green grass.

Delbert:

yeah, we've come a long way. It's my front yard is completely green. The little tree that I'm getting ready to plant look is looking healthy, Ready to go in the ground soon. And I've got daffodils that are just busting out like they are so cute. I.

Hess:

Are they fun or what? They're just like a big spring smile.

Delbert:

are. It just makes me so happy to see'em. And mine just bloomed really quickly. Oh, I re you remember, I, I was putting protection over'em a couple weeks ago.'cause I, I saw'em come out of the ground. They hadn't bloomed yet, and I'm like, oh, I don't want this cold weather to get'em. So I did save and they all did bloom. So

Hess:

Awesome.

Delbert:

I got that for me.

Hess:

awesome.

Delbert:

So Hess, I missed the big game last night. I. And

Hess:

Yeah, so let me tell you all this about that is one of our huge crisscrosses of Delbert and i's we went to the same grade school and we went to the same high school and our high school just won its fifth straight Sacred Heart Academy with its fabulous coach Donna Moir, who was Donna Bender on our freshman basketball team. We won in 1976, we got Donna off the JV bench and put her in for the state tournament and she helped us win and she's been the coach for 32 or 33 years at Sacred Heart and she just won. They just won their fifth straight high school state basketball championship last night. The Sacred Heart re, and it was so good. So fun.

Delbert:

It was an amazing game, and the fun thing about it is a lot of people. From the team, show up and go to the games. For the Sweet 16, it's a great time for everybody to gather and be together. I normally go up and stay on the farm with Jess and Cathy, but I didn't get to go this year. And but we're on this great thread, the 1976 championship thread and. If you're not there, the people that are at the game are constantly reporting and Hess is really good at reporting to the whole thread. And so you feel like you're a part of it. You feel like you're part of the game even if you can't go. So that's a great sense of community that you all have, and I thank you for putting me on the thread with you. Even though I wasn't on the team, I was just a cheerleader.

Hess:

Were Miss Delbert. I missed you. I missed you not staying here at the farm. And, last year, a bunch of the fans and our community came back to the farm in between games, because this is crazy. And Missy Brown, she couldn't get over that. The semi-final game is the same day as the final that night. So on Friday, if the team played at eight 30 that night, then they play at one 30. On Saturday, and that's what Sacred Heart, that's the bracket they were in. They, we played at eight 30 Friday night, so we played at one 30 The team that played at 6:00 PM Friday night. They play at 11:00 AM Saturday and then they we have to play, we have to show up again that night at seven 30 for the championship. Whoever won that, those two brackets have to play again the same day. And Missy Brown, she said, that's just crazy, and so playing two intense games in one day, it is something else. But last year some of us came back to the farm and. Sat around the table and talked and reconnected in ways. And Delbert, I think you even did your tart cards

Delbert:

I did the angel cards for people. Yeah. And we had a great time.

Hess:

Yeah. Yeah. So we wanna talk to y'all today about the theme of community.

Delbert:

So important to have that community around you and we have so many different ones, like we've got the. This 1976 community and the whole Sacred Heart community. And then we have our work friends, our lifetime friends.

Hess:

Family is a community. The definition of community, it's a noun. From Webster's is a group of people living in the same locality or under the same government, or a district or locality in which a group lives or a group of people have in common interests. So community can show up in all kinds of different ways. And this new, way that it feels so good connecting to my old educational community, the grade school I went to, mother of Good Counsel Delbert, went to there since kindergarten. I went there since first grade, the same high school, sacred Heart Academy. the, all the reconnecting to this group of people, it's just so beautiful and it's such a blessing.

Delbert:

It is, and it's one of those things that you know. We take for granted sometimes. I do always feel so lucky to have so many good friends that have known me my whole life because when you've got friends that have known you since you were a kid, they're almost like a sibling and they know your story and it's almost like you don't even have to say anything. They understand. They're good listening ear and good support in all your good times and bad. It's just so good for your mental health. To have that community around you,

Hess:

Right

Delbert:

no matter what you go through?

Hess:

You have a group from Sacred Heart of about six or seven people, Delbert, that you how do you all get together?

Delbert:

A number of different ways. Noni and I live on the same street, so we say let's have an H, HH and that means a Hanover happy hour. And we'll walk. All are invited to the Hanover happy hour, but we'll just say, let's do that. And that just means maybe one of us had a bad day and we just need to kinda sit out. If it's nice, we'll watch the sunset and drink a glass of wine, just talk about the day and what's going on with our families and things. And then in the broader sense, there's seven of us that will just, go to dinner. One of our friends, Cathy, has a lake house. We'll go, we'll take little trips to the lake and then their husbands all laugh because if we are gonna have a shower, like we all always have the baby shower or a wedding shower if somebody's getting married. And we'll say now we need a planning meeting for that. And that just means we're all gonna get together and have fun, laugh, so we just show up for each other. We talked about showing up for our friends in life our family One of our podcasts a while back. And so that's the same thing about community is just showing up. Just being there.

Hess:

And that's so beautiful that you all have, that you stay connected that Was fun. Last Thursday, we played at 11:00 AM three girls from the team drove up together. To, to the farm because it's on the way down to Ru. And we met here and they came early enough to where we were able to just talk a little bit before we got in the car and drove one car down to Ru and so Lynn and Debbie and Missy all get outta the car and they come into the house and I tell'em about the farm and this about the house. And we walk over to one of my tables where all these photos are there, and I said, and they're asking me about my life. And I said, okay, let me give you the lowdown. And they said, we found out all about Debbie's life on the way up, and it's like. This reconnection in your community where you can say, Hey, this other stuff has happened to me since I've seen you last.

Delbert:

Such a good release and when you're in a good community like that, you can talk about your life without fear of judgment. It's a good feeling both ways. It's good to, to listen and be there for somebody that makes my heart so full when somebody says, you were there for me. And then on the other side to be able to pour it out and be listened to without judgment. So beautiful. Yeah.

Hess:

So I knew, in, in the community I knew these people loved me. I knew they knew me. I. Through playing basketball with them and going through all those ups and downs of basketball for four years, and I knew that there wouldn't be that judgment. And I could say the, these are a few hard things that I, look at this, look where I am now and these are a few hard things I've been through,

Delbert:

right.

Hess:

And it was just so beautiful to, for them to know me more. And and like Debbie, she was our manager on our basketball team, and she was so wonderful and so beautiful, and it's so neat how she stayed so connected to us and her and our team, and knew her importance to us not just getting us water and keeping stats, but like she, she was a backbone and kept us together and keep us motivated. it was so fun being with her on that Thursday. And we have a lot of crisscrosses, Delbert. She used to live in Lexington just up the road on, on her husband, worked on a horse farm

Delbert:

Oh wow.

Hess:

and yeah, and we have all kinds of crisscrosses and she's also a therapist like I am,

Delbert:

Oh my gosh.

Hess:

yeah, it's so cool. It's so cool.

Delbert:

So wonderful. And we were talking the other day, Hess, about, you know how, without even knowing it when we were young, what a gift our parents gave us that we got to go to the same parochial school. For all those years, then we went to Sacred Heart. Our lives were so stable and so connected to community. And that's something that when you're a kid, you just take for granted. But it really did shape the kind of people that we are. It gave me a real sense of confidence and grounding that I'm just, I'm so thankful for every day.

Hess:

So I was checking in with Cathy, my wife. She loves that I have the community and that stability of the same place for so long I grew up in the same house my whole life. That and your mom stayed in her house your whole life, right?

Delbert:

My mom died in the house that we grew up in. Yeah.

Hess:

And Cathy's dad was career Navy, so they moved every three years. She does have a sense. So she really admires that I have this community of the, my, my friends from grade school and high school and this reconnection and this constant connection. And she really admires that. She says, I'm jealous, but not in a bad way, but in an admiring way. I have that.'cause that's not anything. She never carried. Any friend passed after they pulled out and went to another, went from Virginia to Maine, or Maine to Texas, or Texas to California. She didn't pull any of those friendships forward to the next place. And so she didn't have that.

Delbert:

I can only imagine as a kid you are trying so hard to gear up for what's ahead of you.

Hess:

Say more about that. What do you mean about what's ahead of you?

Delbert:

Just, like I'm leaving this place that I know and that I'm familiar with now after a few years and then, you pull up and you go to a whole new place. I think as a kid, you're just so much invested in wondering what is, am I gonna have friends? What's it gonna be like? Am I gonna be able to play the same sports? Am I gonna be able to, have a neighborhood community. What's my friend community? What are my teachers gonna be like? I don't, I just think there's so much wonder about the unexpected to wrap your head around. I think it's hard to, I, when you're that young, pull the

Hess:

Yeah.

Delbert:

behind you,

Hess:

and back. And back then Delbert, as Cathy says, we didn't have internet and you didn't pick up the phone, it was landlines, and you didn't wanna make an$8 call

Delbert:

Oh, you couldn't. Yeah, and I do remember a couple of kids that left mother of good counsel and I was pen pals with them for a while. Just wrote letters, but it didn't last. You know it, And I always wonder, I'm like, darn it, I got lazy about that letter, and. I don't know where they are now, but yeah and that's a different way to grow up and gives you a whole different set of, strengths and skills, when you move around.

Hess:

For sure. She says if it was a good experience, when people say, where did you grow up? She'd say they, you would reply everywhere if it was a good experience and if it was a hard experience. When people ask, where did you grow up? And you say Nowhere,

Delbert:

I know.

Hess:

meant it was a bad experience.

Delbert:

Wow.

Hess:

Yeah. Yeah.

Delbert:

I feel so lucky. Yeah. I always say Louisville, Kentucky, I'm. I'm the biggest fan because I'm so fortunate to have grown up here and my dad. Being a builder, like Hess's dad he was a big cheerleader for the city and state, and he and my Papa Charlie worked together and they'd say, ain't no place partier than Louisville, Kentucky. And they, oh, they loved it in the springtime when everything would bloom. Look at that. Look how green it is here. So it gave me such a deep appreciation for where I was from and. And just carried that in my heart and it helped me in my job as a realtor to just be so proud of where I'm from and to appreciate all the beauty and all the wonderful things here.

Hess:

Yeah, I'd say for sure it probably helps you since you still are in Louisville, that it's really helped you in your real estate practice. You really know that town and city inside out, upside down, you could be a taxi driver. I.

Delbert:

And sometimes I am. But yeah, it's just it was such a gift. We've talked about that. And then somebody called me the other day to see if I was going to the game and I said, no, I've gotta work. And then I had a commitment with. Some other life friends, my work friends that I've known for almost 20 years we had a get together last night and just so good to stay connected. We hadn't done anything together for a really long time. And so somebody called and said, Hey, why aren't you at the game and aren't you gonna stay at your cousin Hess's house? And I said we aren't related. I know people think we are. So people think that we're cousins.

Hess:

But like you said, but like you said, when you were sitting next to my cousin Dewey in that in that kindergarten class, and you were five days late. After you moved and crossed to the other side of the Waterson expressway and she said, okay, you're late, but we're on Elephant now. We're on the alphabet. E and we're coloring this elephant. E is for elephant and Dewey colored the toenails pink.

Delbert:

A, a red.

Hess:

Red. Red. That then you felt like you then joined my

Delbert:

She just took me under her wing that very first day. Yeah. And and I got the benefit of all these Bollinger cousins that were in our class that we've talked about. Hess had there were four first cousins in one class at Mother of Good counsel. She had such a big family. So I was so fortunate, and to this day, people are like, yeah y'all are cousins, right?

Hess:

Love it. Love it. So just like these weaving in and out of each other's lives that the people are always still there. And Facebook has helped it because we have the nine, the class of 1976 SHA Sacred Heart Academy on Facebook. We're able to share if somebody's parent died or what's going on with somebody. That helped us come in as a community because we had a classmate from grade school to high school. That needed help in her life. Aaron Brady had unfortunately gotten Luke E's disease a LS we were able to some really key people were able to like, in and help her family out at a crucial time. their life because we were able to get the word out that help was needed. That was just really cool how the social media helped us Something that was important that somebody needed

Delbert:

Yeah.

Hess:

was going through a hard time.

Delbert:

There's something good about social media. Yeah, That's, I always say I hate all the, back and forth when people, argue and get explosive about stuff. But I love to see, some, I'm like, oh, I didn't know her son played soccer. I love seeing all that kind of stuff. Or like you say, oh, so and so went to The Bahamas. That's awesome. Let me, and then you start looking in all the beautiful pictures and getting lost and that For Lent, I gave up scrolling.

Hess:

Yeah. And being fearful or angry,

Delbert:

Yeah. Yeah. I always give that up. I, fear, it's a natural human instinct, but it really, we have to try to overcome it and not live our life in fear.

Hess:

Not to get frozen.

Delbert:

Just have to live your life fearlessly and just be hopeful. Being hopeful is the best defense against anything. To the future and being hopeful. Yeah.

Hess:

Delbert, touching on community. I think about, I've been trained in the Brene Brown work, and I use it in my practice. I use it in my life. I. And one of her books, y'all, there's some thunder going on in the background, thinking about one of her books. It's called Braving the Wilderness. It's real important. And being around these people again and hearing each other's stories reminds me of this. I. Braving the wilderness is being able to get a sense of belonging, but being able to belong because we are who we are. Like, when they all got outta the car and they said, oh gosh, we heard all about Debbie's stories, and I was, then I was able to share some of my stories and I, I still belong even though. I'm not selling myself all out or pretending all is good or life is roses, or anything like that. I'm able to get vulnerable. I'm able to tell some uncomfortable stuff about myself be present with the people without sacrificing who I am. And that's really beautiful. That's a really good community. That's the way to be in communities, to be who you are you belong with who you are.

Delbert:

That's the perfect way to say it. It is beautiful being yourself, being your authentic self. And that is also what attracts people to us, right? Is when we're authentic and we're our real self. It lets our guard down and lets people in.

Hess:

For sure. And it's not living in a silo like living vertically, that I'm only gonna hang around and be around these people, or I'm only gonna present myself as, oh, I'm this perfect and I've got all my makeup on, and I go these beautiful vacations, and. It's being able to be vertical And go across things and being able to this person in the eye, even though they might think different than me politically, like I'm able to say, oh my gosh, you live in such a beautiful place. Tell me more about it. Oh, and hear about it. And look at them eye to eye. then they can also be looking in my, when I'm looking in their eye and they see that, oh, we are really the same and we can live together in this wilderness, be who we are. And that's how, that's a beautiful thing.

Delbert:

Absolutely love that.

Hess:

yeah.

Delbert:

you're reading the you're reading the Mel Robbins book now.

Hess:

Yes. And that's what I like when I when her feed comes to me. Mel Robbins, I saw one the other day and she's, she lives in Vermont and she's walking. Her nose is red and her nose is dripping and she's talking about something on this cold walk. You see the snow in the background and she's talking about some the point that she's trying to make and she's just real. She doesn't have to show up with makeup and look perfect and stuff. Her nose can be dripping or she'll show up with her big glasses and her house robe on or the other days. The feed was like, she was sitting there with her bra on and getting ready to do her makeup, seeing how excited she was. She was gonna be talking to Oprah Winfrey, and she's got this big curler in her hair and being able to just show up and be real and you're okay.

Delbert:

That's awesome.

Hess:

Yeah. Okay. So the, her new book is called Let Them, Where you don't live in like trying to control so much or why are they doing this? Why didn't that, why is this driving me so crazy? Why does my son wanna go to this? All of a sudden he is decided to go to the prom. I'll buy the, I'll buy the bne. I'll buy whatever the flower for his date.'cause he's not doing it. And just this sense of control, she. she wanted to take over and her son says, Hey mom, leave it over. Let it go. She said she didn't want one, and, but she had this sense that she had to get it done, and of course she's gonna want one and stuff. And anyway, that's what kind of flipped her into it. we're having some bad storm out there right now in this very moment outside.

Delbert:

That's weird because the sun to come out here.

Hess:

Yeah. Yeah. So the weather comes west to east and I'm about 60 miles east of Delbert. anyway so yeah, it's called Let Them, and it's not just possibly like giving up and saying okay, let them not invite me to, to this get together. These friends I like, I see that they've gone to do this and I wasn't invited. and okay, this is another crisscross. The wind is getting bigger here. And because Delbert and I experienced the 1974 tornadoes in Louisville, Kentucky, we're a little bit more cautious about tornadoes.

Delbert:

That's true.

Hess:

Yeah, I'm more so than Cathy'cause she wasn't in Louisville, Kentucky in 1974. My wife. Okay. Yeah. So let them Doesn't mean you just totally let go. It's able to let go of the fear or whatever is going on in your brain, and then you can switch to, okay, let me. How do I want to empower myself and make something ha what am I in control of? And I can do what I can do if my, if that group of friends got together and I didn't even hear about it. Yeah. I have been diving into the book I've been doing and I haven't been reaching out very much. Okay I'm gonna start doing that because these people are important to me, Yeah.

Delbert:

You wanna say, Hey I've been absent, but the next time you get together, gimme a shout. Let me know. I'd love to join. And usually it's like people are like, oh my gosh we just knew you were so busy.

Hess:

yeah. Nanette where are you? Where are you Delbert? I'm looking across the repina. I don't see you sitting there with these people and

Delbert:

Yeah,

Hess:

you.

Delbert:

she did. She's called, she says, what? And I said, I'm cheering from Louisville. I promise you my heart is there, but I'm cheering from afar. And she's okay, that's fine then. As long as you're here in spirit. Yeah.

Hess:

Yeah. My internet here is starlink and I just gotta say this about that'cause that's what this podcast is called. Lemme tell you this about that. There's a bad rainstorm and I have starlink. I live just. Five miles from town, but I don't, they don't have, they don't have cable out here. They don't have city water out here. And I have starlink for my internet, but Okay. It's calming down a little bit. Phew. I can relax a little.

Delbert:

Okay, you're going through the storm with us friends, you're.

Hess:

Yeah.

Delbert:

It's a raw podcast. We're telling you all kinds of things. I got a little saying from Mother Theresa.

Hess:

Okay. What is it?

Delbert:

We had a spring salad last week. Today is more of a little bit of a stone soup or stone soup stew. First of all, everybody pods out there, aunt Katie, who you know, from one of our other basketball podcasts. Ask that everybody just pray a little bit harder every day. For peace in our own country. And of course around the world, there's so many places that are struggling. So if you're listening and you wanna share that just everybody, however you pray, however you meditate or whatever you believe, just send or send good vibes out into the world a little bit more every day. We could sure use it. And I told Aunt Katie that we would. We would say that for her. But I have a little thing from mother Teresa that kind of goes along with let them, and it's about just living your life the way you wanna live it, with your friends, with your community, doing the right thing and just not worrying about it. People are often unreasonable and self-centered. Forgive them anyway. If you are kind people may accuse you of having ulterior motives be kind anyway. If you are honest, people may cheat you. Be honest anyway. If you find happiness, people may be jealous. Be happy anyway. The good you do today may be forgotten tomorrow. Do good anyway. Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough, but give your best anyway for you. See, in the end, it's between you and God. It was never between you and them. Anyway,

Hess:

Love that Delbert.

Delbert:

love Mother Theresa. She's so many good. Yeah, just do it anyway. Be good Anyway. Be happy anyway.

Hess:

'cause that's what you're in charge of and you're in control of that.

Delbert:

Yeah,

Hess:

you do.

Delbert:

your own little universe, you just keep on spinning and making it happy and making it part of the pink swirl or whatever color you want it to be.

Hess:

Yes. So I wanna say this about that, that you all are part of our community. We love you. Please share, subscribe, share it with your friends, give us a comment. You can comment to us and we can connect back to that. And. We love that you're present with us and our Sunday morning chats, and that's what this is about, is just we wanted to share something that felt good to us, our conversations on Sunday mornings to you and spread it out there to the world.

Delbert:

Exactly. So we'd love to hear from you friends, and we're praying for you and this whole world, and we hope to hear from, that we. I want you to be part of our community.

Hess:

Yes,

Delbert:

Peace and love.

Hess:

do it. Take care.

Delbert:

Alright, we love you friends. Goodbye.