Let Me Tell You This About That

Communities and Our Stories—Trust Yourself and Reach Out!

• Hess and Delbert • Season 1 • Episode 25

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Hess and Delbert reminisce about their enduring friendships and the close-knit community that began at Sacred Heart Academy. Through touching anecdotes and profound reflections, they explore the significance of lasting bonds, the strength found in adversity, and the joys of reconnecting with old friends-and making new ones! Their conversation spans from nostalgic high school memories, including a historic basketball victory, to the inspiring stories of resilience and achievement from their alma mater. With themes of trust, perseverance, and the power of support networks, Hess and Delbert's discussion serves as a beautiful reminder of the importance of staying connected with those who shape our lives. Those many villages of our communities always can lift us up and make life better.

Jose is getting his chemo--Help my friend José wipe out the Stage 4 cancer in his body!
https://gofund.me/e6f61999

In addition to being a podcast host, Hess is also an LCSW--if you'd like to learn more about her work as a therapist, check it out at www.jessicabollinger.com

One of her mission's is for all of our lights to shine--when we see each other and allow ourself to be seen--and we can say to the person in front of us, There You Are! the world will be an amazing place!

Delbert is a realtor in Louisville, KY, and you can find her at Kentucky Select Properties

Her philanthropic work to continue her sister Carole and niece Meghan is Carole's Kitchen. Blessings in a Backpack helps feed the many hungry students in our schools. The instagram account is: https://www.instagram.com/caroleskitchen.nonprofit?utm_source=ig_web_button_share_sheet&igsh=ZDNlZDc0MzIxNw==





Hess:

Hey, this is Hess and welcome to, let me tell you this about that. I'm sitting in my white chair by the window

Delbert:

and this Delbert, and I'm again on the green couch looking out my picture window. Let me tell you this about that. Been storming like crazy here in Kentucky, Tennessee. We're just really, we've got this weather front that just is unrelenting that's moving through right now.

Hess:

Yeah it's been on a vertical kind of running The south to the north, like right through this area. And April showers bring may flowers, but I think we got enough rain now.

Delbert:

We are good mother Nature. We're good. Let's wrap it up. The river's starting to rise.

Hess:

Done with it. Done with it. Done with it.

Delbert:

peace and love, rain

Hess:

Delbert, let me share this with you and our listeners. You already know about it. I'm gonna, I'm gonna tell it to the listeners, is this year our high school Delbert and I went to Sacred Heart. Academy to high school, and in 1976 when we were seniors and I was on the team, Delbert was a cheerleader. We won the state basketball championship for the first time. And it was just a two years after Title ix. Title IX happened in 1974. And it was just spectacular. We were made captains of the Bell, Louisville, we got a key to the city. We were on this little show on WHAS called the omelet and stuff. Anyway, it was tremendous. And then a freshman on the team Donna Bender. She showed up for us in the state tournament. Our coach bunny Doherty, she put Donna in and took Donna with us to the state tournament. It was fabulous. Donna ends up being the coach at Sacred Heart and she is coached for about 35 years at Sacred Heart, and she just won for the fifth, straight fifth straight year in a row. The state tournament. So it is just really fabulous and she's won it numerous other times too. Sacred Heart, has won more state championships with all different sports than almost any other team in Kentucky. They really have a name for themselves. Anyway Delbert this past week, like I've got all these questions for, I had all these questions for Coach Donna what was it like and all this kind of stuff. And we're on a thread, which is so cool. Is, and Bert's on it too. We're on a, we're on a text thread with the whole team from 1976 with Coach Moir

Delbert:

Yeah.

Hess:

Yeah, and to put it out there to do a Zoom call where all of us could be on there. A bunch of us were, we did this the other night and a bunch of us were, and it was just really fabulous. One one of our ex team members from from Sacred Heart, lives in Brisbane, Australia now, and she was on the last part of the call. And anyway, it was just really fabulous. We were asking Donna all different kinds of questions,

Delbert:

so she just won her fifth state championship in a row, which that's historic. It was actually historic last year when they won four in a row. No other team has done that. Boys or a girl. And then we're also coming up on the 50 year anniversary of the championship. Just all great things. And how cool is it that you all have remained in touch with that thread? The 1976 champs, what the thread is called, and they're all still friends and they all still communicate and lift each other up. Really support Donna when she gets ready for tournament time. It's just a really beautiful thing. There are people that still live in Louisville, they're still here. Here's Donna in the same campus that she grew up in teaching girls just like. Bunny did our coach. And I always think when I'm driving around St. Matthew's, because our sacred heart is like right down the street from where I live where I work and where I, have fun, and I think about that all the time. Like I'm still in the same place that I've always been and I'm so happy here.

Hess (2):

Right.

Delbert:

wherever life takes you, it's just a journey. If you really listen to your heart let the universe provide the best outcome for you, your life will be a success. Everything will work out.

Hess (2):

Hey, will you just repeat those last two lines please?

Delbert:

Oh goodness. Let me see if I can remember. Said, when you just listen to your heart and let the universe provide for you will have the best outcome in your life. And we talked a little bit about that. Hess about going to bed, Cathy was saying she rests so well your wife because she says I worked all day. I gave it my best. There's nothing else I can do. I've gotta recharge for tomorrow. And that really is how life is.

Hess (2):

Yeah. I was sitting around, I was sitting around in a group with the girls from the farm. We do some daring greatly work with them and give them a, give'em a good meal. It's my carol's kitchen I guess that I do for the girls. Give them a good meal a hot meal and some bread and salad. And we were just talking about how we go to sleep, how many of us. Have racing thoughts before we go to sleep and how many can go like right to sleep. And so we were talking about that and the theme for our talk that night was being able to trust ourselves and put trust in ourselves and know that we're in an adult body now, and we can trust, we can be brave, we can do all those. All those things for ourself and give those things for ourselves. And so then we went around at the end, like how can we use what we learned tonight about trusting ourself to, to be able to just go to sleep easier? And one of the gals said in, in my belief in God that. I believe, he's got a hand in things and everything turns out for the best. And like this horse I have, I didn't get the horse that I wanted. And then I end up getting it and I end up, let's see, she said, I. I ended up adopting this horse, rescuing this horse, and she ends up being this horse I have now, Gracie, and it's the most special horse I could ever have. And so she says, so what I tell, what I can tell myself now when I go to sleep is it's okay. Everything's gonna work out fine anyway. Yeah. Yeah.

Delbert:

gotta put your trust in yourself and in your beliefs. Whe whether it's God or whatever your beliefs are in the universe and let it go and rest. I also love some of the stories. I didn't get to join the Zoom. I was out showing property, but I Hess was so great, she recorded it. So I listened to it while I was ironing clothes and cleaning my kitchen and, so two of the girls. Tina Judy McDonald, Tina Keller and Judy McDonald, they got called back to campus as well. They got called back to be coaches of the softball team and they had a ball doing that. And then Judy was the swim coach and coached Mary t Maher. We were talking about Laura Lombard, how she didn't make the team her sophomore and junior year, and she just kept trying out, and she was on that championship team because she wouldn't give up. Just tenacity and believing in yourself. There's so many wonderful stories. I wish we could have each and every one of the players on our podcast because

Hess (2):

Yeah.

Delbert:

story of their lives is just so wonderful and so woven into that team. It's really

Hess (2):

Yeah. Yeah. And we've had every, it was really cool Delbert to be seen and to be to know that you can give back to a greater good. And that ended up like something I wrote was like, to, to the, to our thread was that we had foundational witnessing to ourselves and our lives. In that, and it's almost like a little infant. The secure attachment with the developmental stages of life. Secure attachment happens as that infant When that infant is gazing into the eyes of the caregiver and the caregiver's gazing back and the infant says, goo. And the caregiver smiles and says, goo back. We feel seen. We feel validated, and that's so important in our lives and. Being able to accomplish that and have that victory, work hard towards something. We all had our own treasures and talents and we weaved them together. That was that was really almost like that foundational witnessing. So we had that atmosphere where we could be witnessed and we could lead. And one of Donna's story was just how her dad saw her. Her dad just thought her as, one of the, one of the boys. And he would take her out on the, his foursomes, his golf foursomes and, nobody thought different. And Donna was a fantastic golfer or pick her up early from school and take her to the track. And. And then like you said, Laura's perseverance, not making the team sophomore, junior year, and checking in with Coach Doherty each time. Like, how come I didn't make the team? I don't take you serious enough. You joke around too much. And so then she come back the next year and so when she came back her senior year, she's I'm not gonna laugh one single time,

Delbert:

just gonna give the death stare the whole time. And tell the story about Donna.'cause Donna was gonna play professional golf. She's a really good golfer.

Hess (2):

So Donna went to Donna, Donna went to Cincinnati to play basketball. And and then while she was up there, she thought why am I here? I'm not feeling, I'm not feeling it. So then she went to uk. She started playing golf at UK just as a walk on, and she would make the score. She was not on a scholarship, and she'd make a score better than the people that were on scholarship, and then she would be taken to some tournaments and stuff. Anyway she ended up getting her degree from Cincinnati'cause they were on a trimester kind of schedule and it was easier for her credits to to get taken care of there. And so she went out to join the PGA and she tried three years and went to that, to those trials for the PGA. And she tried three years and. She didn't make it. And she goes, oh gosh. And it's lonely, the golf is, you're out there on your own. And she was talking to coach Doherty. Coach Doherty says, Hey, why don't you come here and help me? Donna ends up going back and helping out Coach Doherty and becoming the athletic director, and. For a really small salary,$4,000, her first year athletic director and coaching. And she coached a bunch of different teams then too. There weren't diff, there were not different coaches for each team. And she had somebody that she was friends with who also had some young kids and said, look and Donna had two kids at the time and the friend said, I'll watch kids take that job. And she did. And the rest is history.

Delbert:

Big history

Hess (2):

Yeah.

Delbert:

yeah, so just following her heart and. And using her intuition and letting the universe provide for her, that worked out so much in her favor. Just incredible.

Hess (2):

following her values she's a real family person. She's real dedicated and she always wants to learn and get better. She loves challenges and, she loves to lead kids and so she's following her values and boom, success, huge success.

Delbert:

the things she does to set them up for success and for college and all the things she was telling us that she did. I was thinking while I was listening the Ursuline core values are very strong in Donna and it's service, Reverence. She really does serve and protect students that come through that gym.

Hess (2):

Beautiful in 2001. She thought of the idea instead of just have practice over the Christmas holidays to go to national tournaments, so she started going like to California or to Arizona. I. For tournaments, and they were just trying to raise the money on their own. The kids would all have car washes and stuff like that. And that was just so amazing and so cool to go to trying to make money, making, to do car washes. And she said, now they pay Sacred Heart to come to the tournament, and they get, they, they have to pay for their flights, but they get their hotel room and free and all of their expenses.

Delbert:

So incredible. All the things that she's accomplished. Yeah. Just another life lesson. We hope pods out there. We hope that you have your village or villages make, sometimes they're not as big as a whole team, but your village together and stay connected to them. It's so important to, check in and to feel that support and to be seen.

Hess (2):

For sure. Delbert, you've got a good handful of people, classmates from Sacred Heart that you go to Rough River Camp you have birth monthly birthday dinners and you all stay in touch and you know what's going on in each other's lives. You've been there for important things for each other. It's just so beautiful.

Delbert:

It is, and I feel I've got so many villages. I feel very fortunate, my extended family, I'm very close to, I'm, very close to my friends from Sacred Heart, and I was telling Hess the other day, I heard from a friend of ours from MGC Mitzi Petri. She. And I and Dewey cheered together. Her mom was our coach and we had the best time. We were talking about what a wonderful childhood we had, going to mother of good counsel and cheering and so we were just connecting. And her older sister, she was two years ahead of us, but we won all kinds of state championships in cheerleading back then. And just had such a great time and I'm gonna get together with them soon and reconnect with them. So life is just always a series of reconnecting and staying in touch and reaching out. I'm so glad she reached out to me and she asked about you, Hess, and, and it's our relationship is a reconnection,

Hess (2):

absolutely. Absolutely. And just being able to this kind of connection and being able to work together, accomplish things together, it can spiral you up. Like we talked about before, give you confidence and to be able to do, to take risks, to say yes to things. And those things that have been hard in our life, like Donna, and not making the PGA three years in a row, boom. Then she gets this opportunity and part of what brought me to a, to the career I have now as a licensed clinical social worker was a difficult time in my life that I wanted to go back to school and help couples so kids wouldn't be put in the middle of relationship hardships. And so I'd gone through that hardship and that motivated me to go back to school and I can't believe how much I love what I do and. And it was through something difficult and Delbert, there was a professor at the college in one of our classes that said, okay, how many of you all are here getting your master's of social work because you've had a bad life event? And boom, everybody's hand shot up,

Delbert:

Wow.

Hess (2):

everybody.

Delbert:

Turning that burden into a blessing turning, beautiful things can come out of hard things. We know that, you were saying that your group your Brene Brown group. From church, you're serving them spaghetti and salad and bread and you're talking about how to get good rest and how to take care of you're not just feeding their bodies, you're feeding their souls. And that's what we say at Carol's kitchen. Feeding the soul yeah.

Hess (2):

Yeah, so they're young. They're young girls that are college students here at the farm that board their horse here. Yeah.

Delbert:

Oh, that's that's even better. I

Hess (2):

And it makes them even more connected because they're sharing their story

Delbert:

yes. Oh my

Hess (2):

Uhhuh.

Delbert:

You're creating this wonderful community for them.

Hess (2):

It's so cool because some of them have never known each other. They meet here and they end up rooming together. And like my friend Melinda and Ann that I knew from when I was riding horses at 11 years old, they're still my friends. It's these long enduring friendships.

Delbert:

And these are all the things that give us our bounce back. Or as Doty and Taylor Swift say, it helps us shake it off, and come back. And, we hope that you do that. You reach out to somebody, pod stirs or reconnect with some people if you don't have a good circle or good village around you.

Hess (2):

Yeah, somebody's waiting to hear from you and that's gonna help.

Delbert:

They really are. I was listening to the Zoom recording and I was ironing, and then I got on a little bit of a housekeeping, bend, and whenever I I. I do housework and chores. That makes me feel close to my mom, even though she's gone from the earth. I feel her with me. And when she used to, she there the adjective back then in the sixties for a clean house was immaculate. I. Do you remember that? Her

Hess (2):

No.

Delbert:

immaculate and my grand, my grandmother Dorothy, my mama, she was not a good housekeeper. And my mom would say, you could eat off her floors. And my mama would say who would wanna do that? A rebuttal. Why would you wanna eat off a floor? So I'm running my vacuum and my mom used to sing the song from Church Immaculate Mary while she was running her vacuum. and I just, it just makes me like, giggle and feel close to her every time I run my vacuum. And I'm like Hess, if we ever get super famous and we're paid to do a product, I wanna do Dawn Dish washing liquid because my mom cleaned everything with Dawn. And so I clean everything with Dawn'cause it makes me feel close to her. But when I get ready to go on a trip I usually clean my house and I make my bed with fresh linen, so I come into a fresh, clean house and and it just makes me feel so good. So I'm giving myself a gift of that when I travel. But, Yeah made me Much of my mama.

Hess (2):

did your mom clean on a certain day of the week? Delbert?

Delbert:

Oh, on Saturday, she'd turn on George Jones. And she would just crank up the stereo she would clean the whole house. And now she would put hot scalding water in a dish pan with dawn liquid and a rag, and she would wash our walls from ceiling to floor and wipe the baseboards on Saturdays.

Hess (2):

Wow.

Delbert:

But yeah, but she, but sometimes she'd say, I'm doing a deep clean dining room, and she'd put all the chairs out in the hallway we would sit in'em and act like we were on a train, and then we'd take pretzel sticks and turn around to the person behind us and say, do you have a light? And so we'd play train while she was cleaning the dining room and the broken pretzel sticks were matches, and the whole ones were cigarettes and we'd sit and play train the whole time. She was like housekeeping. That was usually on a weekday. But yeah, Doty, God, there were seven of us, so we were always trashing the joint, but

Hess (2):

That's a full train.

Delbert:

Oh, that is, yeah. So yeah, we had all the seats lined up and we'd okay, we're on a train. Let's all smoke. Who's got a cigarette? You got a light? Okay. Yeah, it was, and we entertained ourselves that way. simpler, much simpler times. But one of the things that I thought of when I was cleaning and making the bed was something that I wrote Hess and I, if you don't know, we're both writing memoirs. Mine are just more like little short stories of my life growing up I just wanted to honor my family and mainly my sister Carol. The things that we talked about that we laughed about all the time, the cigarettes were one of them. Do you care if I just, and it's not perfect'cause I'm just working on it, but this happened when, talking about being in your village, my aunts or my village too. I'm very close to them all. and so this made me think of my mom and her sisters. I've probably made thousands and thousands of beds in my lifetime, some with my grandmother or mother, others with my sisters, aunts, cousins, and my own children. It was a symbol of a brand new day. It may be simple, but when teamwork happens, it makes it a special ritual. Ritual, person on each side of the bed raising the sheets and blankets in the air to create a small cloud, gently bringing them back to the mattress, in the sheets and blanket on either side for a cozy and snug fit in the evening. That tender Love and care is waiting for you as you open the covers at night and get ready to dream and rest. And if you're lucky, someone who loves you will tuck you in. I never thought much about that ritual until my Aunt Judy, who's also my godmother, was in the hospital dying. She was on a ventilator and in a hospital bed. She was so uncomfortable and she motioned to my aunt, Katie and I that she was cold. So we got her a warm blanket from the nurse's station instinctively. We both got on either side of the bed, a quick cloud, and then tucked her in. Sometimes just the simplest motion can communicate so much love, and it's the last thing I did for her.

Hess (2):

Oh, it's beautiful. That's beautiful. Wow. Thanks Delbert. That is a wonderful last thing to do for her. I. I see that. I see that warm blanket just like coming down softly, like a cloud coming down on her body and y'all getting her warm. Lovely. And then she went up to the cloud, huh?

Delbert:

she went up to the clouds, right?

Hess (2):

Yeah.

Delbert:

it was like with Dewey that we talked about. We were all around the bed with her.

Hess (2):

And then and then after Dewey passed, was it, Leslie said, open the window so she could go out.

Delbert:

Leslie said, open the window. And Missy, who I call Unicorn'cause she can do just about anything. She and I had already walked over to the office, to see how long we could have to stay in the apartment and get her things together. And she actually worked there too. I love that she found success there. At the end of her life, she worked until she died until the last week, and she was their leasing superstar. So there you go. She was following the universe in her heart and that and we, she had her insurance and everything there. So Unicorn and I were just trying to figure out all the, Business part of it.'cause we'd been around the bed for about 20 minutes and then Leslie said, open the window and let her out. And you know what we were sitting in that office talking to the manager and and I looked at each other and I said, she just flew right in here with us.

Hess (2):

Oh gosh.

Delbert:

Yeah,

Hess (2):

Yeah, still supervising.

Delbert:

yeah.

Hess (2):

Oh, cool.

Delbert:

What's the

Hess (2):

Yeah. What's the scoop? Hey, what's the scoop?

Delbert:

or what?

Hess (2):

When's my stuff gotta be out?

Delbert:

What is

Hess (2):

I.

Delbert:

scoop? What's the buzz? Tell me

Hess (2):

Yeah.

Delbert:

Oh

Hess (2):

Yeah. Delbert you have a good visit with your daughter. You're gonna go travel to see her, and I'm gonna go travel to see some friends in Aikens, South Carolina and really looking forward to that. And it's all good. It's all good. It will all end up okay. And you can go to sleep peacefully.

Delbert:

Yes, make yourself a cozy little snug. To rest and rest your eyes and know that you've done everything you can do for that day. It's over. Everything's gonna work out the way it's supposed to, and

Hess (2):

Yeah. Yeah.

Delbert:

all good. As Cathy says, it's all

Hess (2):

It's all good. Yeah. One of the gals at the Daring Greatly at Carriage Station, she said, when I go to bed and I close my eyes, I'm thinking about my list.'cause I make a list for every single day I'm thinking about my list. So a way that she could trust herself is to go to sleep easier. And she'd say, oh, I can make a list. But it all turns out anyway,

Delbert:

exactly. Exactly. And I do love a list, but I do that in the morning. What did I say to you when we were talking earlier? I'm like going to bed at night, it's the reverse Goldie hunt. And you're like, But yourself a little cozy way to unplug instead of plug in, right? You take

Hess (2):

Right.

Delbert:

what? I do take deep breaths before I go to sleep. It helps

Hess (2):

Yes.

Delbert:

And when I, ever since I was little, I always decide what I'm gonna dream about. Doesn't always work out, but, I try to think of something really

Hess (2):

Yeah.

Delbert:

I wanna dream about.

Hess (2):

Yeah. Yeah. I love it. We love you all. Peace and love. Thank you so much for tuning in to let me tell you this about that. Please

Hess:

Like.

Hess (2):

and subscribe and share it with a friend.

Delbert:

Peace and love. We love you friends.