Let Me Tell You This About That

Welcome to the Lead Role in Your Movie!

• Hess and Delbert • Season 1 • Episode 30

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In this episode Hess and Delbert share a life theory, that you are the lead character in your life movie.  You have to play that role with true authenticity.  There is no other person who can play it!  Choose the themes and values that are most important, attract people around you who can play those supportive roles.  You are allowed mistakes, that is how we learn.  You can ask for help, you don’t have to know it all or do it all.  It's just doing the next best thing, and then then next best thing comes next.  Take charge!  Play it big!  You are on the billboard!  

Jose is getting his chemo--Help my friend José wipe out the Stage 4 cancer in his body! The Chemo has shrunk the mass in the colon, but the cancer in his liver has increased--so the chemo is going to be more powerful! Help him out and donate please.
https://gofund.me/e6f61999

In addition to being a podcast host, Hess is also an LCSW--if you'd like to learn more about her work as a therapist, check it out at www.jessicabollinger.com

One of her mission's is for all of our lights to shine--when we see each other and allow ourself to be seen--and we can say to the person in front of us, There You Are! the world will be an amazing place!

Delbert is a realtor in Louisville, KY, and you can find her at Kentucky Select Properties

Her philanthropic work to continue her sister Carole and niece Meghan is Carole's Kitchen. Blessings in a Backpack helps feed the many hungry students in our schools. The instagram account is: https://www.instagram.com/caroleskitchen.nonprofit?utm_source=ig_web_button_share_sheet&igsh=ZDNlZDc0MzIxNw==





Hess:

Hey, this is Hess and welcome to our podcast. Let me tell you this about that.

Delbert:

Good morning. This is me Delbert on the green couch, as always looking out my picture window on this beautiful Mother's Day. Happy Mother's Day, everybody. And wow, what a beautiful spring day it is in Kentucky.

Hess:

Yeah, I want to, I wanna extenuate that. Happy Mother's Day because we are all mothers In all different forms, whether biologically or mentoring or being a teacher, having an effect on someone, on a child, happy Mother's Day.

Delbert:

Heck yeah. The lady that checked me out yesterday at the store wished me Happy Mother's Day, and I said, oh, right back at you if you are a mother. And she said I'm a cat mom. And I said, that counts.

Hess:

Yeah. And when I was taking my hazardous waste to the city collection point yesterday there was a whole line of people collecting and I was taking about 12 cans of paint. I opened up the hatch, the dogs were in the back. I got out, make sure the dogs didn't jump out and they were taking the paint out, all these volunteers and one fellow looked me right in the eye and he said, Hey, happy Mother's Day. And boy, I received it. It was

Delbert:

Oh, there are just good people everywhere. There are just good people everywhere. How sweet is that?

Hess:

And we had a young friend text me yesterday and she said, are you all home tonight? I've got a little present for you all. And that had boarded at the farm here brought us flowers for Mother's Day and sat and we had a great conversation for an hour or two. Is

Delbert:

That's beautiful. You've already been celebrating, Hess you went to, you went out with one of your, students that graduated and witnessed her mother and their relationship.

Hess:

Oh yeah. Yeah. So I was invited to a brunch for one of the girls at the farm who graduated from college, and I got to meet all of her family, her grandparents, her I'd met her, I'd met her mom I, and maybe her dad. But to be able to sit next to them and to have conversation with all of these people that, that have a role in Emily's life, making her who she is, the amazing person that she is. So Delbert, I'm gonna, I'm gonna hand the baton to you. What do you wanna talk about today?

Delbert:

So it's piggybacks on what you just said. I was listening to one of my favorite podcasts. We Can Do Hard Things and they had a guest on Samantha Irby, who was talking about her books and just her life experience and the work she's done. She writes for tv. Shrill and among other things. And just like that the spinoff from Sex and the City, she's just really hilarious. And she was talking about the trauma in her life that made her a comedic writer, have comedy play a large role in her life. And I was just, and she talked a little bit about her life as her, as the star of the movie of her life. And I thought that's so interesting. And I called Hess and I said, let's talk about how are we showing up as the star of the movie of our life? How are we showing up for ourselves? As the star of our own life movie. And who are we, how are we supporting ourselves with our co-stars? Who are we choosing in those supporting roles and what kind of location or, have we got that set in, and how are we writing our episodes and taking inventory and maybe rewriting. So that the next day is better. And another phrase that she used that I love, and I say this to Hess a lot, and I say it to my kids a lot. Let's just do the next right thing. What's the next right thing? We can't change the past, but what's the next right thing to do?

Hess:

Yeah. And then that leads to the next right thing

Delbert:

It's a path, right? It's a path and it's a beautiful, whatever your life story is, whatever that movie is, just keep moving forward and focusing on that. And so I was telling Hess sort of my philosophy'cause I'm Irish and I love, my heritage, my, I describe my life and my supporting cast and my location as a trinity. It's, and it's my first little leaf of my shamrock is the three things that are the most important to me, and that's my faith, family and friends. And I keep them tight and I keep that, close and I make it a priority. I. And then my second leaf on my shamrock is my community and my work. And those are interchangeable. I believe that, if you're a realtor and you're selling a community, then you've worked to make that a better community. So those are in interchangeable. And then my last one is what I do to recharge, to have the energy, to spread good energy into those other leads. And so I told Hess this morning, I'm like, Hess, you're part of two of my leaves. You you're part of doing this podcast, and the conversations that we have are part of my recharge, the podcast, people are like, how do you do that and you still work and blah, blah. I'm like no that's part of the recharge. It's actually fun and relaxing to do

Hess:

okay. Comes up for me about that Delbert is all of those all right from the same XLE in flow. In biology, when we cut that celery in, in half and put it in some dyed water, it was really cool to see the xylum in the floem of the capillaries that come up to feed it. So all of those all are integrated too. And that's your life. So if what you're talking about, this is what I'm picturing, podsters tell me what you're seeing as Delbert's talking. seeing a stage, and these are different scenes, which are all part of your story. have, you have the, you have that one leaf and the one leaf is your faith, then family and friends. Is that. Yeah, that's part of it. And then your work, your real estate and your community and putting things back into the community. Because if you're selling a house in a community, in a neighborhood you're selling a whole community and what's good about it and what can you put back in to the community. And then the third leaf, third scene on your stage is your rejuvenation. What helps feed you. And give you the energy or the recharge to do all those things in. And we all have heard about water and swimming and dancing, music, funny podcasts and so forth. Is that, am I

Delbert:

Meditation you are. And sometimes I love a movie with a double or triple storyline or a love a show, and sometimes those three little leaves, they all are, one shamrock and they, and they blend together. Sometimes they just flow right into each other.

Hess:

So Carol's kitchen, blessings in a backpack that would be in your community and in your work.

Delbert:

right

Hess:

got

Delbert:

And then, but I blend my family and friends into that too, yeah, Carol's Kitchen and Blessings would definitely be that. And that second one, but they blend in. And sometimes, when I'm planning for, an event or it's part of my recharge too,'cause I like to imagine and dream and think about what I can do. So I just like how they all flow into each other. So Hess and I were just talking and we wanted to share our stage, how we. Perform in our own life to ask our Podsters out there listening. Reflect on that. Think about how you're showing up for yourself. How are you showing up for yourself in your life? How are you making it the best movie it can possibly be?

Hess:

Delbert sometimes when I, and with my clients and showing up as your authentic self. I tell my clients, Hey, all the other parts are taken except for your role and you're in charge of your role and do it. And there's no other, there's no other you, there's no other person playing that role. You do you. And that all kind of feeds into the what I'm writing about. There you are, that we can see the essence of the other. And be able to see that individuation and to own our own individuation. Individuation and how we're different. And that's the own, that's the single spark that we have to give

Delbert:

And when you're sparking, when you're showing up that's a big part of it, right? Showing up as your true self. You really do. Generate something really beautiful when you're showing up as your true self and you've got those walls down. You draw people in, you draw the right people in when you're your true self.

Hess:

Oh Delbert life. Life just gets us where we wanna feel loved and seen, and we adapt. I'm gonna give you a little psychology here

Delbert:

Good.

Hess:

That limbic part of our brain and we're born with millions of extra brain cells that have to help us adapt and be in the world. And those millions of extra brain cells go away by the age of about seven, those extra brain cells that help us adapt

Delbert:

Thanks.

Hess:

We're so dependent on that caregiver being able to see us and allow us, because we so dependent, so fragile. we're born, they say that we have to be born when we are because our heads are so big, but we're not like a little bird that's gonna fly off the nest in three or four weeks that we need. We're so dependent on the caregiver to help us survive. Here we are from zero to seven. However, we need to do to adapt, to see the favor, to be able to feel loved and connected. And we adapt certain ways and sometimes those don't work so well when we're older. And then here we go into, when you go into adolescence, I can remember Lucas being this little boy just on the back of the truck. With his reflection in the front of the gooseneck horse trailer. He's standing in the back of the truck and he's seeing his reflection and he's just dancing. He's hearing this music in his head and he is just dancing back and forth and doing this dance move. And he's seeing himself like a mirror. And then he turns to me, and then he sees I have a video camera, and he says, do you like those moves? And then the next day he wanted to do it again. Do it again, just because he enjoyed seeing himself doing that. And I. How, how that young child adapted later being under peer pressure or, oh, I'm not dancing in public, and how we change the essences of who we are, because we feel like we might be judged.

Delbert:

Yes. Yes. And just, one of, one of the things that I wrote down, that I wrote down, things that I do well and things that I. I suck at, so I made two categories, like what I don't suck at and what I suck at. And one of them's joy that I don't suck at, like I am really grounded in joy. And the funny thing is I've never been embarrassed to dance in public. And one of the things. As and as bad as it is, one of the things that brings me joy I find a song every year at Easter and I dance, I choreograph a dance to that in my Easter Bunny costume. And that just brings me such joy. But I, if there's music playing in a restaurant, I just walk in dancing and and I don't even, I'm not even conscious of it. So I hate that, kids lose that inability to just be them, be their true self because it's so important for you.

Hess:

I, that, that natural state is their ability

Delbert:

Yeah, it is natural. Yeah.

Hess:

they gain inability to own it and be it. And you know what? Nobody's really watching.

Delbert:

Nobody is,

Hess:

You gotta dance like nobody's watching. You gotta sing.

Delbert:

Because you know what? Nobody really is watching you. They're watching themselves. They're too worried about themselves, and so that's the thing I don't suck at. I suck at like being mature.'cause I think I've always been seven inside my brain. I'm immature. I am. I'm like a little kid when I look in the mirror I'm like, holy cow. How did that happen? I.

Hess:

your own self-judgment thinking that you're immature.

Delbert:

I'm so young. How did that old lady show up? Oh my goodness.

Hess:

but I, when I'm looking at the stage and I'm seeing the Delbert show, I see that's your essence. Is that, that joyful, youthfulness, I.

Delbert:

Oh thank you.

Hess:

Yeah. If we're, we don't wanna be our ourself critic right up there when we're in our life playing our own role, being a critic of ourself is no good. Reading the critic review in the paper of ourself is no good.'cause Delbert, if I'm thinking somebody's judging me. I'm trying. I'm trying to think about what's going on in their own head. I can't think about what's going on in their own head. I have no idea what's going on in their head.

Delbert:

Yeah, you got, in life you just gotta live it. You gotta get out of your own head and you certainly gotta get outta other people's heads. And I did this little cheerleading move when I was showing a house one day.'cause I got so excited about how perfect it was for my. Client, I just went, yay. And just did just struck like a kind of victory pose. And and my client just kinda looked at me weird and I was like, oh, I'm sorry. I'm still a cheerleader inside my own brain. And that cracked him up. So just don't worry. People aren't judging you as hard as you think.

Hess:

No. No. So Bert the Shamrock. What helps you be in all of those spaces without self-judgment and being fully in your role? What helps you?

Delbert:

I try to practice patience with myself and forgiveness. Like I try to just let myself go, let go of the negativity, forgive myself and others for things. I think that's important. I, and I'm trying to maintain doing healthy things that are good for myself because if you're feeding in healthy input. Healthy foods, healthy lifestyle you're inputting good. So I'm trying to, I'm trying to do that. I'm not, and that's one of the things that I'm trying to be better at, but could, potentially be on my, I suck it list. And then, yeah, just showing up as my authentic self, just showing up for myself and for other people authentically.

Hess:

Yeah. Cool. what I gotta say is, if we don't make mistakes, we're not learning anything, we're gonna,

Delbert:

Exactly.

Hess:

make a mistake when we're concentrating hard at something, we're gonna make a mistake. When we're not focusing, we're gonna make a mistake, we're gonna make a mistake. If we've really researched it, we're gonna make a mistake. If We read up a lot about and research it. We're gonna make a mistake and we don't research it. We're gonna make a mistake when we're tired. We're gonna make a mistake when we're alert. So it's in the mistakes. Every mistake that we make, that we learn something, yeah.

Delbert:

Absolutely. Absolutely. And one of the other things I'm trying to get better at in my life, because I'm a multitasker and I'm a, like I said, when I'm working, I'm also, thinking about community stuff and I'm really trying to get more focused on one thing at a time and to ask for help. I don't have to do it all. I'm a mom. I'm the oldest grandchild. I'm the oldest child. I'm, I've been a mom since I was, I've had a baby on my hip since I was like, four. And I have to learn that there are other people that can do things and to ask for help. And I love my office at Kentucky Select because I, have all these people that can help me. And I. I need to do that more in my own personal life. That was a good, that's a good training ground because there all these different departments that can help me, and I need to think of that more in my own life. How about you, Hess? Are you, do you ask for help? Do you, are you a.

Hess:

We. I haven't in my life, but I am so dependent on the intelligence of everybody around me. I love to attract people that are more intelligent friends, that are smarter, that I can learn something from people that I work with that are smarter and can do it better than me. what I try to do. I'm reading a really cool book right now, Delbert, I got a, I went down a wormhole, I saw Warren Buffet was resigning and I don't know how he's in his eighties and he is gonna let a CEO kind of take over whatever role he has and was talking about. He's got three kids. So then I go kinda looking at who his kids are and one of his children, Peter Buffet, went into music and he wrote a book. Life is what you make it. It was released in 2010, so I got a copy of it in what you're just talking about. He just referred to, in one point of the book is like a movie. When you look at, when you look at a whole movie and then you watch the credits run, there's hundreds of people. That had something to do with that movie. And in every single one of those parts of those people that had something to do with that movie, they were working independently on what they are good at, on

Delbert:

Right.

Hess:

what their, what, their part of what they needed to do for the movie.

Delbert:

How perfect is that we don't have to do everything right?

Hess:

No. And so a movie can't be made without a bunch of help.

Delbert:

Exactly.

Hess:

hundreds of people. Yeah.

Delbert:

That's beautiful. And you actually sent me that book and I got it last night when I came home from work and I sat down outside and read the foreword and it is beautiful. Thank you so much. And it remind, he was really just honoring his parents and, and people saying, you're so normal, but I thought about that first little leaf of my trinity, honoring my ancestors and my family as part of that first trinity, right? He's honoring his parents. And when you stay connected to people who knew them or who have a memory, of you as a young person, then you're honoring all those ancestors.

Hess:

What I love today, Delbert, is like at the beginning of our Unitarian Church service, we honor the ground the Native Americans were. I love how there's a lot of places in our world right now where they honor. The people that came way before us before, before the white man came and settled, the white man came and stole. But I love that. We're going even further back.

Delbert:

That's beautiful. Oh, I love that. I love your church and I love how you love your church and you have all these communities and your is it your soul study that you all I.

Hess:

Once a month we have a topic and we study different things. It's, we're given a little list of stories or projects that we can do for that topic. But going back, Going back to in your movie that you are playing, let's go back to what Delbert started talking about at first. Is you're playing your lead role and what we're talking about is you being able to play that lead role the best that you can because that's your contribution.

Delbert:

Exactly. Get the best you know script. Get the best supporting characters. Get all the best people like that movie that's rolling all the credits. Surround yourself with good people. I. I tell my kids that a lot. I try to surround myself with good people. One of the reasons I chose the company that I'm at is because everyone, I love everyone there. They're all good people doing the right thing, the next right thing. And when you surround yourself with a good cast, surround yourself with good people, because that's what your life movie will become, what you're surrounding yourself with.

Hess:

And adjustments in the in wherever you need to be able to write the story the way that you want it to be,

Delbert:

You can recast, you can rewrite put in new episodes. You've got the control. You've got the control. So we wanted you all to. Out there listening to just take inventory and kind of decide how you're writing that movie of your life and what, who you've got showing up for you, but mainly how you're showing up for yourself.

Hess:

Yes, that's what you're in charge of. and no self-judgment. Don't worry if you think anybody's judging you because you're judging if they're judging or not. Don't be doing that and best you can, the next step that you need to take and there's always gonna be a lot of mistakes and welcome them because that's a way to learn.

Delbert:

For sure, and I hope wherever you are listening, it's a beautiful day like it is here. Get outside.

Hess:

we're lucky to be in Kentucky right now. The weather's really nice and it's warmed up and it's just just awesome. Just awesome.

Delbert:

It is. I got a quote for you today, Hess from Daniel Boone.

Hess:

All right.

Delbert:

It says Heaven is a Kentucky kind of place.

Hess:

Wow.

Delbert:

It's a short one, folks. You can quit listening and go outside.

Hess:

Yeah. Whether you're in Kentucky or not, find the heaven in wherever you're, wherever you are right now, and take charge.

Delbert:

Ah, I love that. That's beautiful. That could be a quote Hess.

Hess:

I love you all. Thank y'all so much for joining. I'm Hess, let me tell you this about that. Please subscribe, share. This is, we have a conversation every Sunday. It kinda like straightens out our week. Gives us something to look forward to in the week ahead and let's go.

Delbert:

Let's go. Let's make next week the best week ever. Peace and love. We love you friends.