Let Me Tell You This About That

Living in the beautiful circles of Life

• Jessica Bollinger • Season 1 • Episode 33

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Out of perfection nothing can be made. Every process involves breaking something up. The earth must be broken to bring forth life. If the seed does not die there is no plant. Bread results from the death of wheat. Life lives on lives. Our own life lives on the acts of other people. If you are lifeworthy, you can take it.

  -- Joseph Cambell

In this episode, Delbert and Hess share their recent experiences of noticing the circles. The circles that begin, even in the face of some thing hard, even the tragedy of death.  We do the next best thing, one step at a time. 16 years later, Delbert finds herself back in the same Texas Roadhouse where she sat stunned after her sister and nieces' death, now she returns and is tingling.  She is being greeted by Taquan who just graduated, and how he was an integral part of Caroles Kitchen at his Seneca High School.  We take the seeds that come our way, and we plant them, and even though circumstances happen, they will take hold.  

Update on my friend José and his cancer treatments. After the first rounds of chemo, after new scans--the good news is that the tumor in the colon has shrunk, but they have increased in his liver. His oncologist has increasd the power of the chemo to help irradicate it elsewhere. Thank you so much for your support to Jose!
https://gofund.me/e6f61999

In addition to being a podcast host, Hess is also an LCSW--if you'd like to learn more about her work as a therapist, check it out at www.jessicabollinger.com

One of her mission's is for all of our lights to shine--when we see each other and allow ourself to be seen--and we can say to the person in front of us, There You Are! the world will be an amazing place!

Delbert is a realtor in Louisville, KY, and you can find her at Kentucky Select Properties

Her philanthropic work to continue her sister Carole and niece Meghan is Carole's Kitchen. Blessings in a Backpack helps feed the many hungry students in our schools. The instagram account is: https://www.instagram.com/caroleskitchen.nonprofit?utm_source=ig_web_button_share_sheet&igsh=ZDNlZDc0MzIxNw==
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Hess:

Hey, this is Hess. Thank you all so much for tuning in to let me tell you this about that.

Delbert:

Hey, good morning everybody. This is Delbert. I'm back on the green couch today. Looking out my big picture window. It's a little overcast right now in Louisville, Kentucky today, but I think the sun's gonna come out. It's supposed to be a beautiful day, and it's supposed to warm up this week.

Hess:

Yeah.

Delbert:

forecast that was free.

Hess:

I am Hess and I'm talking to you all from Lexington, Kentucky. I'm on the white chair in my office looking out my window at the horses out in the fields. And I'm happy to be here and these conversations started five or six or seven years ago with Delbert and I on Sunday morning. So thank you so much for joining us. Maybe in our conversation you can relate to some things that we talk about and think about those in your own life. And we'd like to talk to you this morning about some circles we've been experiencing. Elton John in his movie quotes in one of his songs. What was the name? The Lion King.

Delbert:

Lion King, the Disney movie. I love that movie so much, and love the whole circle of life. So read that Elton John song.

Hess:

It's the circle of life, and it moves us all through despair and hope through faith in love. So we find our place on the path unwinding Elton John.

Delbert:

The circle of life, and so as we talk about like our circles, I'm super hyper aware of. in my life and my niece Lizzie teases me.'cause I say, now that's circular. That just came right back around. And she teases me, every she'll look at me and she go, that's circular. I've got almost like a buy one, get one and a half or two for free today. Circle story HEss, full circle one's a big one. then there's just two little ones inside of that. And we were talking with you all about this retreat that we're getting ready to go on with our Barkley Village the first little start of a story is that we have a friend who was gonna plan a nice dinner for people who had food insecurity. a chef and she was gonna make this really nice dinner. She had ordered all these linens and crystal and China and silverware. She was gonna just give them a really nice experience and for whatever reason, I can't remember what it was, she was telling us about it at our last retreat. It got canceled at the last minute and she didn't get to do it. So I've always had that in the back of my mind how sweet that was to wanna do that and that, I work in food insecurity. So we're reading this book the Gift of Imperfection by Brene Brown, and we're getting ready. We're gonna leave a week from today. I'm so excited. A week from today we'll actually be there. We'll be. Headed up the Chesapeake Bay towards Bethany Beach. I'm so excited. with that in mind, first part of my story in the big circle is that, as I started a pantry at Seneca High School as part of Carol's Kitchens mission Getting ready for the very last pantry day of the school year, we had a very large amount of pasta, sauce and pasta. And so I told my friend Bob, I'm like, whatever the recipe of the month is, it's gotta be Italian. he's yeah. So he made this great chicken Parmesan to put over a bed of noodles and all the kids got the recipe and he had, he brought like a. Fresh Caesar salad and I'm like, this is, you know what, this has gotta be a sit down. So I asked permission from the counselor if we could let them sit down and enjoy that. Usually they've just got maybe like a walking burrito, burrito bowl or soup or something, chicken noodle soup. So she said, yes, it's the second to last day of school they can sit. So I bought these. Kind of disposable, from the dollar store, red and white check tablecloths. And I put fruit in the middle as a centerpiece. And my friend Patty that started the pantry with me, she set it with. Silverware napkins. And it wasn't as grand as our friend, but I dedicated that to her. This little, just like a shared experience. And the kids sat down and ate their recipe of the month and they got to shop for their groceries before they went home and.

Hess:

and you had the tables all arranged, in a big like a Big U or something like that.

Delbert:

Like they were at a little banquet hall or something. Yeah. wedding. We set'em in a Big U so they could all see each other talked about, what do you like about the pantry? What are some fresh new things you'd like to see next year? And, how was your school year? Just those little things. And they just got to sit and we just got to have community for about 20 minutes. So I. Let the group know. Yesterday I just said, Hey, I wanted you to know that I dedicated this to you, and it's a small way, but it was an experience and she liked that. So we'll talk

Hess:

I want, and I want you to repeat when y'all ask, Hey, what do y'all wanna see for next year? You were trying to get feedback from them. What do you wanna see for next year? And this one gal said, I wanna see you.

Delbert:

I said, no, she's one of my little sweethearts and she's a junior this year, and she just said, I just wanna see you. Is that sweet?

Hess:

So sweet.

Delbert:

I, I love'em all and I've gotten really close to, I talked to you a little bit about the outside pantry Taquan is, such the sweetest, sweetest young man. He plays football and basketball and his mom is a single mom that works at the school. And at the end of our little Italian dinner, she came up to me and gave me an invitation to his graduation. And I said, I'll be there. I'm gonna show up. You know that 90% of life is showing up and,

Hess:

okay. And more to say about that is going to Western has a scholarship to Western and. TE also talked a whole lot to your niece who graduated from Western, and she helped and gave them some ideas about that school or something too.

Delbert:

Right? As much as we were talking about, recap the year, what do we wanna see? Yeah, Taquan got to talk about some places on campus and what he was studying, and listen to Lizzie volunteered. that last pantry. She was, she just graduated from WKU, so that was wonderful. Yes, they

Hess:

Okay.

Delbert:

talk and commiserate about Western Kentucky University. And so I'm getting ready to go to the graduation and it's a work day running a little teeny bit late and. What you don't know about Jefferson County Public Schools here in Louisville is that, there's so many high schools, such a big school district that they have to take over kind of the fairgrounds. Louisville and there's all these different wings and auditoriums and they have, maybe three or four graduations going on, staggered, like one at four, one at four 30, and the parking is just crazy out at the fairground. So get there and I'm running a little bit late'cause it's in the afternoon and I'm coming from work and I just see red cap and gowns. I I'm, that's my location. Seneca's colors are red and gold and I'm just like booking it to this one auditorium where I see all these red caps and gowns and I get in there, whew. I made it. And so is the class valedictorian. I'm like, wow, I'm not that late. How did I miss'em all going down the aisle? They're already on the speaker, but I sit down next to this man and his baby The speaker spoke about gift of imperfection.

Hess:

And this is a student.

Delbert:

This a student. I'm like, and I'm listening to this speech, just going, th I've never met this kid at school. This kid, wow. He's saying, don't reach for that perfect life. Don't want to be so perfect that you don't try anything, because when you try and when you fall and get yourself up, that is the stuff that makes you stronger and better. You are not your failures that does not describe you, but they will make you a better person and push you forward and keep you going towards that goal. So don't. Nobody's life is like it is on Facebook or on Instagram or any kind of social media. It's real, it's raw. You gotta get in there. And I'm like, oh my goodness. He's talking about the book. This is like the most amazing high school speech I've ever heard in my life. And then he says, so Butler class of 2025. And I say,'cause I'm so surprised I'm in the wrong place. I say loud a little bit, Butler, and the guy next to me goes. Butler and the baby goes Butler, and they're, yeah, they're just looking at me and I say, oh gosh I feel like I should I should have been here to hear that speech. It was amazing. And I'm doing something similar in my life, but I really need to get to Seneca's graduation. And so luckily I did sit in the right spot.'cause that guy knew where Seneca was graduating. He pointed me. So now I'm booking it. I'm leaving Butler. I'm glad I heard the speech'cause it's, and it's so inspiring. And I'm running and I'm running and I, Ooh, I get to Seneca

Hess:

You you get your. All finally to the broadband arena part of.

Delbert:

Yeah. And I don't miss Taquan. And so the principal, when it's his turn to get his diploma, he calls his mom up to the stage and she gets to present his diploma to him. He just walked across that stage just beaming and just bear hugs his mother. So I did not miss that. oh, it was just beautiful. She's just done this wonderful job with this young person and his heart is just golden. Like I said, he built the outdoor pantry when he was a freshman. And we got, finally got it installed his sophomore year and he stocked it. It was his project every year to stock it and keep it for any emergencies people had over the weekend. And,

Hess:

Okay, so outdoor pantry what are you talking about there? That's

Delbert:

back to it. I'll circle back to it so I don't get the story mixed up. Okay. So he did stock the outdoor pan for emergencies and. Anything that's people might have over, over the weekend where they need hygiene and food hygiene products. So the graduation's over, and of course there's millions of people out at the fairgrounds. I lose sight of Taquan and his mom, okay? And I'm like, goodness, I'm never gonna, I had a little card for him and I really wanted to. See them and congratulate them and tell'em what a great moment it was. So I waited and looked through the crowd for about a half hour, couldn't find them. So finally I just start walking back to my car and I parked in front of this big yellow Ferris wheel. I'm like big yellow Ferris wheel, big yellow Ferris wheel. You know how big that parking lot is. And I'm like. In five, but I know there was a big yellow fear when I finally get my car and I text her and I say, just gonna have to, meet you all somewhere and give you this card. I'm sorry I missed you all, but I was here. I want you to know I witnessed, I was a witness to this and she text me back a few minutes later and she says, we're going to Texas Roadhouse in St. Matthews. And without even thinking, I said, you know what? I live close to there. I'm just gonna meet you there. gonna meet you there, and as I pull into the parking lot, my whole body starts tingling.

Hess:

Wow.

Delbert:

I haven't been to that Texas Roadhouse since Carole and. Megan died. And what happened when Jeff called me on the phone that day that they passed away, he said, I need to tell you something, but I don't wanna tell you why you're driving. Can you pull over? And I pulled into the shopping center. And he told me. And then I got really distraught and I was conscious but blacked out for a minute and I couldn't remember anybody's phone number. was just walking around Shelbyville Road and

Hess:

So you got out. You got out of your car.

Delbert:

out of my car. Yeah I didn't wanna drive and I was just walking down this really busy street in Louisville. And I finally found my friend Stewart's phone number in my phone and called him and he worked in St. Matthew's. I knew he was close by, so said, okay. I said, I don't even know where I am. He said, I want you to look up and whatever whatever kind of store I want you to walk in there and I'm gonna come get you. And I said, I see a Texas Roadhouse. I'm gonna walk in there. And it was early. It was, like 11 or a little bit after 11, and they were just getting ready for lunch. was in there. And I just walked in and I said, I just need to sit here and wait for my friend. And they were so nice. All the servers were so nice. And I sat there and Stewart came and got me. And then, I went on to. Be able to just get centered and call my family and tell everybody what was going on. And I never went back into that restaurant ever again. That was 16 years ago, and suddenly I just spontaneously agreed to go back there. So I parked my car in that same parking lot from 16 years ago, and I go into the restaurant and here

Hess:

Wow.

Delbert:

Taquan. to the hostess stand to greet me, he walks around that restaurant corner just gives me this big bear hug. And it felt like Carol and Meghan hugging me. Really did. And so that was my big circle of the week. The, I just felt wow, this whole world collided. Together was something that I started for Carolyn, Meghan, how amazing it was to just see this young man all the way through how important he was to the pantry. I always say he, he made the pantry cool he, he was, Joe cool, like Snoopy played all the sports. He was kind, he was sweet. He joked around with all the kids when they were shopping at the pantry and

Hess:

he made everybody feel at ease and it was okay.

Delbert:

like it was okay to be there. It was cool to be there'cause he was there, just this big, huge gigantic circle. Within it, those two smaller circles of completing that little dinner for our friend in our Barkley village. And then just the little circle of seeing that speaker was meant to see that speaker. not Miss Quan's graduation. And it just made me more excited about the book that we're reading and so looking forward to our retreat. And so there's my circle of the week. What a week I had. Goodness, I'm

Hess:

Whoa. So you said as soon as you walked into that restaurant, you're you were tingling.

Delbert:

Oh yeah. And I tingled for a really long time afterwards. I couldn't fall asleep that night because so many wonderful things had happened. I just had that last dinner of the school year. I'd gone to graduation and witnessed that, and then witnessed this amazing speech and I just. I don't think I fell asleep until about one o'clock in the morning, but it was good. It was just, I was reliving all the good

Hess:

wow.

Delbert:

I always say there's story has a story within it too. And last night you and I were talking you are like, sometimes you think you're just in a straight line and you're just going from A to B and all of a sudden you look around and you are in a circle and you might be just closing it up. It might be a big one like me with Carol's Kitchen and Megan and Taquan. Or it might be just a little bitty one.

Hess:

Yeah. Yeah, and Joseph Campbell wrote out of perfection, nothing can be made. So there we go. The gifts of imperfection right

Delbert:

Yes.

Hess:

perfection. Nothing can be made. Every process involves breaking something up. The earth must be broken to bring forth life. If the seed does not die, there is no plant bread results from the death of wheat. Life lives on lives our own life lives on the acts of other people. If you are life worthy, you can take it. Joseph Campbell. So our friend who planned a special meal, I. For the people without homes, street people people that had never been able to sit at a table with white cloth. That's what she wanted to give them. She wanted to give them this good food that she made and the special meal and have them sit in a special place to be able. That they deserve, as anybody else deserves to eat like this. And she gave you that seed Delbert, but her seed it unfortunately, by some things out of her control. It didn't happen. But you took the seed and you planted it. You have the Italian table set up, the Italian tablecloth set up on the tables at Seneca and giving all of these kids chicken Parmesan and they can all sit together and commune together, and talk together and be together and eat together and say what they want to see together. That they have a voice. They deserve all of that. So you took that and you transferred it to, to, to this other place you let it live on By the act of our friend with that seed, right?

Delbert:

She planted that idea in my head and it took a little while. It's been, long ago were we at Barclay Village and heard that story?

Hess:

Yeah. Year and a half ago.

Delbert:

A little while. I'll tell you about the outdoor pantry real quick. Tycon built it like a big, huge red barn, And it had these plexiglass flaps on the top two shelves. It was three shelves deep, long. the top two have plexiglass that kind of Velcro shut, so little animals and stuff can't get in. The top two tier have little to-go silverware and salt and pepper in one little area. And then another little bin, it's got hygiene products that you can grab and go, like toothpaste mouthwash wipes, shampoo and body wash, little containers of that. And then it's also got, easy open cans of ravioli. Stew. It's got soups, it's got vegetables canned fruit, and it's got like tuna and canned chicken breasts. So it's just got, like a little, if you're having sort of an emergency, you could actually make a little meal out of what's out there. You could get a grab and go and have ravioli or stew or soup or something and you've got the little utensils. We did have some homeless people that were on the other side of the football field on the campus at Seneca, and I think they used it quite a bit. And I think Taek Kwon noticed them saw them and wanted to make sure. And then there are kids who, it's right by the gym too. There's kids that are coming out of practice that are hungry and. And needs stuff. So anyway, that was our outdoor pantry and it still lives on, even though he's graduated we've got one of the alumni's gonna stock it for the summer,

Hess:

wow. Wow. What a, what an amazing young fellow, huh?

Delbert:

Oh, he is, he's just a bright light. He really is. Bolt. Yeah.

Hess:

Yeah. Just no matter what age or time of our life we're at that we can be a bright light and give some light out. Wow. And when I think in my mind about a circle, where does it start? Where does it end? It doesn't so even though something bad might happen, it's the beginning of. It's the start of something new, even though as you're driving down Shelbyville Road, that, that late morning, that fateful day, that your sister and niece and the little neighbor girl died in that car accident, that wasn't the end, that was the beginning of something new that you didn't know yet. But look, this whole circle came around and you go back into. Texas Roadhouse tingling where you are and with all of this stuff that's happened 16 years ago.

Delbert:

And we talk a lot about, doing the next best thing, the next right thing. In your life when you have disappointment, it's so hard to get back up. But I promise you, if you do and you just keep doing the next right thing, beautiful things will happen. You will get a flower. Out of that seed, you will, Will almost water it, but you will get something fruitful from that imperfect that happened. create beauty out of it.

Hess:

Yeah, so beautiful. So beautiful. Our little Boston Terrier last year fell downstairs'cause her cataracts were getting worse. And this past March she fell down another set of stairs. Because her cataracts are getting worse. And our vet and midway, Dr. Nancy McGregor referred us to Dr. Tolar in Louisville. That's an eye specialist for animals and horses. And Tessa had her cataracts removed about seven weeks ago and was recovering from that. And then unfortunately on her right eye. I noticed some swelling. I noticed some watering. I take her to Dr. Nancy on a Saturday. And Dr. Nancy gives us some painkiller for, we take her on Monday to Dr. Tolar and she's gotten a retina detachment in that right eye. And then as the week proceeds, she gets a she gets a bad ulcer on that eye. So Delbert last week her eye was taken out so it won't cause her any pain. And I've known horses to have their eye out and they can still compete and do well in life. And I've known some dogs but never had a dog with their eye out. And anyway with this eye removed, Tessa won't have any more pain and she'll adapt. She already has adapted to be able to just see out of one eye. And my niece BZ is coming to horse camp this coming week, and we always borrow a pony. For her for horse cam. And I called our friend Martha Johnson. And Martha says, yeah we'll get her a good pony. So I touched base with Martha about going to pick up the pony yesterday on Saturday. Like yesterday afternoon and Martha touched base and said, are you gonna be able to, do you think you're gonna be here? Like you said, around three 30. And I just called her and said, it's gonna be just a little bit later than that. Would that work? Oh yeah. It'll work. It'll work. And this Pony is the best pony. His name's Hopscotch. We use him in the hunt field. He's really good with ladies and kids. He is just perfect. And he got his eye taken out two years ago. He is missing his left eye.

Delbert:

Not be Hopscotch. Got his eye taken out like Testa. They're gonna be two peas in a pot. How old is BZ now?

Hess:

B'S eight.

Delbert:

Oh, perfect.

Hess:

Yeah.

Delbert:

wow. A week you're gonna have.

Hess:

For sure. For sure. And it's just, I go, Delbert, here's another circle.

Delbert:

I know,

Hess:

Here's another circle.

Delbert:

My goodness. So great. Life is so beautiful.

Hess:

Yeah. Yeah. Looking forward to it.

Delbert:

You gotta let it be beautiful. So when does BZ get there? I.

Hess:

BZ's gonna come today at three o'clock and we're gonna have a great week together and be, and I'm gonna practice these guideposts that we're gonna work on at the barley Village retreat. I'm gonna do a, do these guideposts with BZ also.'cause you're never too young to learn how to live wholeheartedly. Right.

Delbert:

It's about, oh, I and I love that living wholeheartedly. Yes. Beautiful. I can't

Hess:

Yeah.

Delbert:

I'm so excited. I can't wait to hear about your horse camp with BZ the week. I love that you make this special time with your niece. So

Hess:

Yeah. And we'll talk to you again next week as we're about to embark on our trip to Bethany Beach for our retreat. We love you all so much and think about circles that have come back for you people that have reentered your life or these special new connections made from these other connections. And it's it's so serendipitous and so beautiful. I just love it.

Delbert:

Have a great week, friends. We hope all your circles are beautiful. And remember, we love you, and love.

Hess:

And they will become beautiful. Just be patient. Love you all.