Let Me Tell You This About That

Pride Month! Be Proud and Own Who You Are!

• Hess and Delbert • Season 1 • Episode 36

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Hess and Delbert invite you to the celebration of Pride Month.  They both share their own experiences of their life, having been born in 1958.  Hess talks about the Stonewall riot that created a shift towards gay rights.  There is a National Monument in Christoper Park in NYC in its commemoration.  You don’t know what you don’t know, so Hess talks about how confusing it was to her, not to see any representation in her childhood with who she was.  It made her difficult for her to even know who she was because nothing was ever mirrored back.  In NYC it was against the law to serve a homosexual a drink. The gay bars back then in the city were run by the mafia, and things were kept hidden.   There were something like 10,000 rights that were not given to a gay person or couple.   In these days, as rights have expanded, it is important as Delbert says, that “We have to keep moving forward!”  We need to acknowledge and celebrate the differences.  Delbert and Hess love our Governor Andy Beshear because he takes the side of the LGBTQ+.  This is the way that the real Jesus Christ loves.  Celebrate the diversity—it is where the magic is!  Peace and Love.

Update on my friend José and his cancer treatments. After the first rounds of chemo, after new scans--the good news is that the tumor in the colon has shrunk, but they have increased in his liver. His oncologist has increasd the power of the chemo to help irradicate it elsewhere. Thank you so much for your support to Jose!
https://gofund.me/e6f61999

In addition to being a podcast host, Hess is also an LCSW--if you'd like to learn more about her work as a therapist, check it out at www.jessicabollinger.com

One of her mission's is for all of our lights to shine--when we see each other and allow ourself to be seen--and we can say to the person in front of us, There You Are! the world will be an amazing place!

Delbert is a realtor in Louisville, KY, and you can find her at Kentucky Select Properties

Her philanthropic work to continue her sister Carole and niece Meghan is Carole's Kitchen. Blessings in a Backpack helps feed the many hungry students in our schools. The instagram account is: https://www.instagram.com/caroleskitchen.nonprofit?utm_source=ig_web_button_share_sheet&igsh=ZDNlZDc0MzIxNw==
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Hess:

Hey welcome everybody to let me tell you this about that. My name's Hess. I'm sitting in my white chair in my bedroom, looking out at the farm, watching purple. Martins fly around the yard.

Delbert:

Good morning and happy pride. This is Delbert once again on the green couch looking out my picture window. It is a beautiful day in Louisville, Kentucky. I'm excited to go down to the river today. I'm gonna. Go to Turner's, my swim club. And on Sundays we have a potluck and people volunteer to work the grill. So I'm gonna work the grill today. It's one of those Blackstones. It's super fun. And but for right now, Hess and I since it's June, we wanted to talk to you about Pride.

Hess:

Yeah, we I got my pride flag down at the end of the driveway by the road. And nobody's taking it down, so that's a good thing. My Black Lives Matter signs got taken down like five different times, but they, my Black Lives Matter signs been up for five months, so that's a cool thing. I love that. I love it.

Delbert:

That's good.

Hess:

Yeah.

Delbert:

what? I had my little pride flag. I need to look for that'cause you put it in my flower pot last year after we went to the Pride parade. I need to look for that'cause I saved it.

Hess:

So here we are in Kentucky and it's Pride Month, and yesterday was Pride Day in Louisville. And tell us what you all do. Pride Day, Louisville Delbert.

Delbert:

Here we have just a really spectacular parade. You and I went to it last year. I missed it this year because I had to work. and darn it, I said I hadn't seen the news yet, but I did see one picture of some of my friends at the Pride Parade and they had the Pink Pony Club, so I missed that. My favorite song, dang it. But we have just the most wonderful parade and lots of, the big companies here in Louisville participate and have wonderful floats and then ends up on the waterfront down downtown by the river. And they have a concert and they have all sorts of booths with food. And a lot of people in the L-G-B-T-Q community ha have booths and sell their wares and just, it's just a, it's a day long festival. That's really wonderful.

Hess:

And who sang last year at the at the

Delbert:

dang. And we didn't get tickets in time. Chapel Rone, who sings Pink Pony Club. She's my favorite. I love her. Anyway.

Hess:

Amen. Here in Lexington. Our festival is next Saturday, the 28th, and we have this big wide expanse where it's gonna be this year on Oliver Lewis way, which is right next to where, which is right downtown Delbert. We don't do a parade, but we always have a representation of. Diversity of gay diversity of LGBTQ plus in the 4th of July parade that we have. And a few years ago, our boat was one of the entries for that 4th of July parade. And Bert, you came up with one of your darlings and helped paint banners that we. We that we put along the boat and we put different people on the boat and flags and wave and stuff like that. And that's really cool'cause the parades are awesome. And going to that parade with you last year in Louisville, it's huge. And you have all of the businesses like ge, Kentucky, utilities, all these businesses involved with their diversification, real estate agencies, schools, all these groups. It's so fabulous.

Delbert:

A lot of the hospitals and my daughter where she works Baptist, they participate. So it really is the whole community, all the businesses and All the students coming together to celebrate pride. So it is, it's a beautiful thing. Hess, you and I have been friends, as we tell everybody since first grade. And growing up when we grew up people weren't able to express themselves. The way that people are able to express themselves now and we gotta keep that going. We can't let our. LGBTQ community lose any more rights? We've gotta keep moving this forward. But, tell everybody a little bit about your experience and

Hess:

Okay. In my experience, I was born in 1958. In my experience, I never saw representation that connected, that was a match for what I was thinking or feeling inside. I. I from the get go my, the, I played, I my mom gave me a Mary Alexander Doll and I put it up on the, I said, I don't even know if I said thank you. I just put it up on the fireplace and got back down on the floor and played with my trucks and cars and the car wash that I got for this little toy car wash that I got for Christmas. And. My mom, bless her. She'd buy me high tops, she'd buy me an army uniform, cowboy hat, football uniform. She supported me that way. So that was cool. That was cool. And I just, I didn't have anybody that I was watching on TV that represented me and as, I don't ha I don't know anybody that's gay at all. And. Then we go into high school and Bert, you and I are together grade school through high school and sitting around the cafeteria at Sacred Heart. It was the, at the tables, everybody was talking about who they were dating. Somebody from Trinity or somebody from Sacred, somebody from St. X. Those were two all boys schools and some would branch out in Wagner or Atherton. I didn't, I, I didn't have anything to share about that. I think I insulated myself some by by just staying at home a lot. Not going out on the weekends if I felt like I was supposed to go out. And so if I went out on a Friday night, I'd say, okay, I got that over with. I'm home now. There just wasn't this attraction. And go to college. I'm not really dating, I invited somebody in high school to the senior prom, right? I'm supposed to pretend. And being in backseats of cars where you get set up on dates and being, having yourself, like having your body violated and stuff in backseats at drive-ins. I remember that. Late grade school when I went to go visit a friend down in Florida. So now I'm sorry, I'm getting into the Me Too movement. Is, but all of it is something that,

Delbert:

me. I loved making out, but okay. You keep going

Hess:

okay. So it, it all didn't feel good. And yeah and so I go to college, still don't still don't feel any attraction. I've got crushes along the way with girls. And I'm not gonna share who all my crushes were because I never told them who I had a crush on. Okay. Yeah. So some of them were classmates,

Delbert:

We don't wanna surprise them on our podcast. Yeah.

Hess:

some of them were classmates. And yeah go to college, not really dating. Anyway, I date somebody that I feel like I can settle with. That's I don't know. It's cute and all that, but anyway.

Delbert:

It a guy or a girl.

Hess:

It's a guy.

Delbert:

Wow. Hess Revelation. I

Hess:

Revelation.

Delbert:

dated a guy. Okay.

Hess:

Yeah. This is the person I rode the bicycle with across the country.

Delbert:

Okay.

Hess:

Yeah. And so I'm running my fruit market and this girl comes in the fruit market and I just feel like there's, and the way that this girl's looking at me and the way I'm looking at this girl. So that was my entry to owning my identity. And then this person was a drug addict kind of person and totally opposite me. And just a, just a tri and a dive to say. Okay, this is what feels right for me. This is what this makes sense. This feels like a match. And, as I moved along with a little healthier relationship, sharing who I was with the people that knew me. Delbert, it was so refreshing because I was love for me. Everybody already knew me for a long time and they said we don't care if you're gay, and. Just we love you. And I, it was a, it was a dry, Delbert when everybody already knew and I didn't have anybody to tell because every time I told somebody it just felt like an affirmation that I was still loved. And I ran outta people to tell,'cause everybody knew. When I told my folks, I guess I told my folks we're near the end, they said, don't wanna talk about it. Don't. And my parents are divorced, so I told each one separately. Don't talk about it. Don't need to talk about it. And my dad thought it was maybe a phase that I'd go through and talk to me. I don't know. He, we were riding up a chairlift in Steamboat Springs.

Delbert:

This is as good as time, as any, yeah. Okay.

Hess:

Yeah. So we love you, but we don't love all of you. Yeah. And I love what Glennon Doyle said one time when she came into her love with. With her partner with her wife that, Hey I don't want you on my island. If you don't accept the whole island. Hey, don't, I don't even want you to cross the bridge. Yeah. But you like being such a good friend of you. Don't you have no idea? Because we don't know what we don't know. I don't know what it's like to be in black skin. We don't know what we don't know. You don't know what it was like for me?

Delbert:

And

Hess:

just.

Delbert:

and I hate that prohibited you from fully being alive during those, do you know what I mean? Like fully engaging and feeling part of everything. I really, I hate that.

Hess:

You touched on Adelbert because it wasn't like full aliveness.

Delbert:

It wasn't your f you weren't fully alive. And, I've had people tell me, my high school experience was not that fun. And I say, oh my God, I was having so much fun. thought everybody was having as much fun as me. And, in my immature high school mind, I'm like, come on everybody. And, only in my adult life am I realizing, that I had people who were struggling, and I hate Know that, and that I didn't, I wasn't more help.

Hess:

Yeah. And also, I got in relationship with somebody. I was attracted to somebody. I think the commonality was she wanted to be a parent and it's something that was a missing tile on my ceiling. And we parented together and I was not the biological mother. Then she leaves with this child when he's three and a half, and that was such a blow. I had no legal right and that was just crazy because I was a primary caregiver. Took this person to court and so on, and that's all a long story, but devastating and just that's when we were trying to get rights and rights of our relationship, there was something like 10,000 rights that, that some a gay person didn't have that a heterosexual person had. Just crazy how many things, big and small that you don't have a right to. So now, yeah, I've been in relationship with Cathy, my wife, for 30 years. We adopted our son Lucas. He's gonna be 26. He's gonna be 26 in September.

Delbert:

both had, not any longer'cause he's an adult, but you both had equal rights.

Hess:

No. So

Delbert:

oh.

Hess:

let me. Let me tell you this, about that to do adoption. Back in back in 99, 2000 that I talked to a social worker and just we, Cathy and I decided to adopt from Guatemala. Love, love Hispanic people. Love, love Hispanic people. Talking to a social worker, she said why are you why are you why are you choosing Guatemala? Oh, and another thing, Bert, I did not share with the social worker that Cathy and I are partners because I was scared that we wouldn't be able to, yeah, and also you weren't allowed to do, to adopt as same sex couples. We, you weren't allowed to adopt internationally. You're not allowed to adopt domestically then. And so I was the only person on our paperwork. And when Sandy Hamilton, the social worker, came to inspect the home to make sure we didn't have poison underneath the sink and stuff, and then we had a fire extinguisher. I I put away a few pictures. Of just us as a couple. Isn't that something?

Delbert:

Wow.

Hess:

But while I'm sitting with her, because who I am, it it, you can't hide who I am. She was telling me about some other folk that we know here in Lexington that she was the social worker for, and she said, and I'm not gonna say any names, but it's a lesbian couple and she said. You just seem so grounded and so with it, you just seem like you have it, you have your life together so much just like blah, blah, blah. And I smiled because blah, blah, blah. They're gay. And, it makes me think just humorously, like sometimes a relationship, all it might need is a, is another woman or somebody was telling me about how tough their relationship is and I'm saying like, maybe you need to be with a woman and you wouldn't have these problems, but communication. Anyway when Sandy's at the house, I don't tell her I'm in relationship with Cathy, and the adoption goes through, she calls on September 24th. It's a healthy baby boy. Born September 4th. We're elated, so excited. And anyway, it wasn't until the Supreme Court. Cathy went with me to Guatemala. Cathy's been a co-parent the whole way, a hundred percent. She's holding Lucas on the veranda in Guatemala City. We just got him that afternoon. She's looking into his eyes. He's looking into her eyes. She's got him on her knee staring at, and she says, if I was rich, I'd have eight of these.

Delbert:

Oh.

Hess:

So she was totally, she totally in is loved being a mom. Loved being a mom to Lucas. Anyway, it wasn't until the Supreme Court made the verdict that there could be gay marriage or gay marriages could be honored that that Cathy was, and we went through, we got married and she was able to have legal rights. So Lucas is about 14 years old when that happens.

Delbert:

Okay.

Hess:

Yeah. Yeah. But that made me feel so much more at ease. And of course I had all the legal doc documents done and hard conversations with my brother and sister that if something happens to me, you can't just, we swoop in here and take Lucas.'cause you're quote unquote. Next Tokin Kath, Cathy's a full fledged parent. And back then Delbert, if Cathy did adopt Lucas before we got gay marriage rights, if she did adopt Lucas. I would have to give up my rights so it wasn't gonna be equal. Yeah.

Delbert:

Wow.

Hess:

Yeah.

Delbert:

Look at all the rights, just in that one little story that human beings deserve to have. All humans. And when Hess and I decided to talk about this, I I said, for sure you need to tell your story and. Coming at it as a as a straight person. I'm just gonna share a little story Hess. Has this wonderful couple that's friends of hers that came into town and went to the, one of the Sacred Heart State Championships with us. And I had just never met'em, but I was in the back walking with one of'em and she was telling me how she and her wife fell in love and married we just ended up holding hands. And I said, I just wanna tell you, that is just beautiful and I love. That you're married and I love your relationship. And she said, you're the only straight Catholic that's ever said that to me. And I just said I'm gonna keep being that straight Catholic. wanna tell people that Jesus Christ loved everyone. He did not judge anyone. We're all to be judged equally and loved equally. And anyone that. Says they're a Christian and wants to take the rights away of any individual because they don't understand. I'm here to tell you right this minute, that's not Christ-like,

Hess:

Not at all. Not at all.

Delbert:

it ain't easy being Catholic, we get a lot of bad press and rightfully the true teaching to just love everyone. As you love yourself. I stick with that and I really hope that our new Pope Leo comes out and goes even further. in regards to the L-G-B-T-Q community than Pope Francis did. I love Pope Francis. He was older. We need to go further in, in blessing and acknowledging these. These marriages and just let everyone get married in the church if that's their faith of choice. Let's lift everybody up and support everybody. I think. I think we're on the right side of history when it comes to immigration. That's beautiful. I love it. love everybody. let's include everybody in the fold.

Hess:

It. Not being able to see, be seen or be acknowledged that like when we are, when we're working towards our gay rights. Now let me say this about that and give you all a little historical context because I think it was the end of June in June 28th, 1969, it was the Stonewall uprising and back then in, in New York City. You couldn't serve a gay person alcohol you you were arrested for wearing fewer than three articles of clothing that match your sex serving alcohol beverages to homosexuals were pro prohibited from married men and women who lived homosexual, and that's what a lot of people did. Just while you're supposed to get married and you get married, but you're not full all in because you, it's not a match. You don't. But you might really love this person, but it's not your sexual orientation. So many people married a across their gender but not their true sexual identity. So anyway,

Delbert:

fully alive, as we said about you in high school and college not

Hess:

right?

Delbert:

alive.

Hess:

So they're they're living their lives in secret. These couples and blackmail was a constant threat to these couples. And so discrimination and fear, they were just tools to isolate people when homosexual, so homosexuality was hidden, and I was just at the beautiful healing place in Louisville on Friday, touring it with Jay Davidson, and of course he says again, that, that addiction is. Is being isolated. So isolation having so isolation's always bad. It causes it's true addiction. When you're separate. So isolating homosexuality, having us be in a closet, not being able to be ourself, our full life self. It's not healthy. It's not healthy. So after the Stonewall uprising early, this one morning when the bar got raided and it got raided frequently. The people pushed back in the bar and it was a long slug fest. And over there in Christopher Park, across the street liberate Christopher Street, everybody was yelling. And there was also, this is a byproduct. The youth who gathered at Christopher Park, some of them homeless with little social capital, right? They challenged the police, linked arms, formed a blockade. Youth would be kicked out of their families because they were gay, because of who they are and their sexuality. And one of my partners was afraid to come out because she was a school teacher back then when I was in early relationship. And so the Stonewall happened in I think that's probably why gay Pride Month is, in June, I remember some of our past presidents who would light up the outside of the White House with all the colored lights. Wasn't that cool to see?

Delbert:

I love that and I

Hess:

Beautiful.

Delbert:

governor takes up for young L-G-B-T-Q community, even though we're really Republican, heavy in the rest of our government. And I love that he said his why was being a Christian, I love that. If

Hess:

Right.

Delbert:

your why

Hess:

yeah,

Delbert:

to come to an understanding Exactly.

Hess:

yeah. And Cathy and I in my certification and what I do for my individuals and couples is we do a Getting the Love You Want workshop. And many of my colleagues would give a straight workshop. They give a gay workshop. I. The Getting The Love You Want Workshop that Cathy and I attended in 1997, Helen Andrews in the Maggie Valley of North Carolina. I always put that on there. At the Chattahoochee Ranch, she has always given the Getting the Love You Want Workshop for all couples, gay or straight, because she thought it was good for straight people to be around gay people and just to see that we're people and we're in relationship just like you are.

Delbert:

to that. Amen to that. I

Hess:

Yeah.

Delbert:

why they separated because surely we're all human beings. We have the same kinds of struggles, we all Same kind of struggle.

Hess:

but Delbert, it goes back to, can you feel safe?

Delbert:

Ah.

Hess:

So we talked about assimilation that we don't always have to all be the same. We're accepted for who we are. Black people can be accepted for who black people are and their diversity and their greatness. They don't have to be just like white people for sure. And gay people don't have to be just like straight people in their relationship.

Delbert:

Exactly.

Hess:

we don't, we assimilation. No, we, we need to still see color. We still need to be able to see diversity and talk about diversity and to learn about diversity. Not be all alike.

Delbert:

Yes. Be a boring world if we were all alike. For

Hess:

Absolutely.

Delbert:

For sure.

Hess:

So what Stonewall, what? What happened with Stonewall? And there's a national monument there to Delbert and there's the statues in the Christopher Park. It's so cool. You'll have to see that when you go back up with one of your darlings or with whoever. So by the time of Stonewall, there might have been like 60 gay groups in all of the United States, and then a year later there were 1500 gay groups, and then two years later. As the extent the accounts could be made, there was at least like 2,500. So that's the impact of Stonewall and it's increased. Manyfold and now it, now we have this designated month, pride month and one of my friends down at the barn, Jocelyn, she said, seeing the gay pride flag out at the end of the driveway when she came in and I had a, I had a. Pride shirt on. She goes, my first gay pride parade was Washington DC and it was just the funnest thing in the world. She said, I've never been around. She said, and it was a long time ago, she said, and it was the happiest, funnest people I've ever been around in my whole life. And it is. It is because it's full aliveness. Be who you are,

Delbert:

Yes,

Hess:

love who you are.

Delbert:

that's a good, that's a good one. Just love who you are. Love yourself.

Hess:

Yeah.

Delbert:

in all your aliveness?

Hess:

Yeah. And in your heterosexuality, just think about that, Bert. How if you own who you are, it's so different than other people's heterosexuality, they're all, it's all different.

Delbert:

Absolutely.

Hess:

Yeah. Love it. I'm you just pump me up with some good energy there.

Delbert:

Oh, good. Good.

Hess:

I don't need to have caffeine.

Delbert:

Oh and I have to back off of it at a certain point in the morning because I say, oh, I can't have one more cup of coffee. Nobody will be able to stand me.'Cause I'm kinda, chatty So do you have any quotes for today or are we just gonna leave people on? Let's go out there and live our lives. Fully alive. Fully alive,

Hess:

Everybody. Exactly. Anyway, yes that Stonewall riot is almost equal to like the March on Selma and the Seneca Falls. Okay. All of these rights, own your right as an individual. I always say to people, there you are because you, you are different than anybody. Own it. Regal it, have fun. Dancing it, singing it, playing it. Delbert, I love you. You're individuality, you're little fire thing that you do in your backyard. Lightened colored paper and all of the individual things that you all might do. Listeners that as you own it, be it, share it. Love it.

Delbert:

Be alike. There you are. We see you. It's a worldwide movement. Folks, look it up on Instagram. We got t-shirts and welcome mats. Hess has got such a creative mind and she does all the setup for this podcast and all the editing and broadcasts it on all our platforms. So please and share and listen. A lot of hard work goes into it and I just am gonna. Get off here and go get ready to work the grill at Turner's while Hess does all the hard work.

Hess:

Have fun baby. Hey put some ice packs on your neck or something because.

Delbert:

I'm gonna take a little baby cooler that I got at Kroger for a dollar. It's five years old, but it's like still does not leak and it's awesome. I'm gonna pack a bunch of ice in there for my shift for sure.

Hess:

Okay, y'all. Peace and love. We love you all.