Let Me Tell You This About That

Be a Helper, It Makes Life Better!

• Delbert and Hess • Season 1 • Episode 37

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In this week’s Sunday conversation, Delbert and Hess reflect on the helpers of the world.  Hess has had quite the list of things on the farm that needed to be repaired the last 6 weeks—her geothermal furnace, the brakes on her boat trailer, and then this week, the well pump on the farm and other components needed replaced.  Delbert made the point that helpers can get good feelings by helping—an endorphin rush by helping, and also by figuring out solutions to problems. Helpers come in all sizes. There are the police, the nurses, firefighters who of course are helpers. Delbert also appreciates the lifeguards at Turner pool and all the helpers that cleaned it up after it was flooded by the river this spring.  She also appreciates how good it feels to walk in her neighborhood Trader Joe’s.  All the people there are so helpful and friendly.  Hess really loves the connections she has with the people she depends on to keep everything running at the farm.  She respects their abilities and knowledge.  She loves them as people.   Hess and Delbert also bring up the point that it’s important to ask for help.  It gives others a gift to be able to help.  Edie Windsor needed help to fight for the legal rights of her marriage to her wife Thea, and Robbie Kaplan, took her case.   Mr. Roger’s says there are three key’s to being an ultimate success: “Number one, be kind; Number two, be kind, and Number three, be kind.” 


Update on my friend José and his cancer treatments. After the first rounds of chemo, after new scans--the good news is that the tumor in the colon has shrunk, but they have increased in his liver. His oncologist has increasd the power of the chemo to help irradicate it elsewhere. Thank you so much for your support to Jose!
https://gofund.me/e6f61999

In addition to being a podcast host, Hess is also an LCSW--if you'd like to learn more about her work as a therapist, check it out at www.jessicabollinger.com

One of her mission's is for all of our lights to shine--when we see each other and allow ourself to be seen--and we can say to the person in front of us, There You Are! the world will be an amazing place!

Delbert is a realtor in Louisville, KY, and you can find her at Kentucky Select Properties

Her philanthropic work to continue her sister Carole and niece Meghan is Carole's Kitchen. Blessings in a Backpack helps feed the many hungry students in our schools. The instagram account is: https://www.instagram.com/caroleskitchen.nonprofit?utm_source=ig_web_button_share_sheet&igsh=ZDNlZDc0MzIxNw==
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Hess:

Hey you all, thanks so much for tuning in. We so appreciate you. We so appreciate you joining our weekly conversation. Maybe with this conversation could help raise you up a little bit. It always raises Delbert and I up. My name's Hess and I'm sitting in the white chair by my bedroom window looking out at the farm.

Delbert:

And I'm Delbert. Good morning from Louisville, Kentucky. It is a beautiful sunny morning. It's supposed to rain again today, but I am on the green couch just soaking it all in, all the sunshine in. And talking to Hess and you all this morning, I hope you've had a great week. Hess has had a great week, but she's also had a lot of things that she needed help with on the farm in her world. And so it inspired us to talk about the helpers that are out there in the world, Hess tell everybody a little bit about all the things that happened with you in the past week, but actually six weeks maybe to.

Hess:

Our AC went out. We have geothermal furnace, and got the right people able to slide a new one in there. It's just, I'm I've had a whole lot of stuff go down and need to be fixed and it's, I'm just touched, there's a problem, but there's somebody that can show up that's so good at what needs to be done. fix it. And so I, let's see what all is going on that geothermal furnace. I didn't have brakes on my boat trailer. And I'm about to haul up to Canada. And my guy that cha changes the wheel bearings. He goes, you don't have any brake fluid in your cylinder. And I'm like, what? And he goes, you gotta leak somewhere. It ends up the guy that's with him. He can do brakes. He gets it all fixed with the proper stuff to do it. That's not gonna get, get hurt by water,'cause you gotta dip that trailer all the way back into the water and sometimes it's salt water. Anyway, that and the water here at the farm, we have well water folks and it's wonderful. Good taste in well water. And it's 25 gallons per minute that it produces. It's only 65 feet deep. There was not city water here. At 44 70 old Frankfort Pike. I'm telling y'all where I live, but there wasn't any water out here from the city. I'm in the west end, west side of Fayette County. we dug a well, anyway, my water was coming in and out and I had this wonderful guy, Mike I have him in my phone as Mike Water. Another guy that works with him is Woody Water, and another guy that works with him is Tim Water. And they all showed up. And Mike was, Mike had his, like his Sherlock Holmes hat on just over a four day period. He get this fixed and then all of a sudden that turned on the water and there's no water. Then he fixed that. Anyway, there's a lot of components of well water, like bladder tank pressure, pump pressure switch, blah, blah, blah, blah. So anyway that's all done. It just. I'm lucky that economically I can pay for these fixes and these people deserve the money that they get for their talent to be able to fix stuff. So that, that kind of is what it's about for me. Delbert is just feeling blessed by the people that can show up in my life and do what needs to be done because they have the talent and treasure to do it.

Delbert:

Exactly, and listening about your boat and the farm and the well and your geo. It's a lot of headache for sure, but you're so fortunate, you're so fortunate and then double blessed to have these. Wonderful helpers that come and help you on your farm.

Hess:

Yeah, and I wanna say a little bit more this about that Delbert, its connection. The relationships that these people know that they're gonna get paid for their services that I really admire and respect them. They feel it. It's about relationship that makes that that, that helps all of this happen. And I go back to a week ago Friday. When I got to tour with Victor, who has Roaring Brook recovery services here in Lexington, Victor and one of his associates went with me to tour the Healing place. Up in Louisville. That's just such an amazing place. Like a 60, 70% success rate. It's a long-term peer-driven facility. And the helpers are people that were in addiction, peer led. There's no bullshit. I know the story. I know you might be lying. You gotta show up here. I showed up here. This was my struggle. And it, and they're all helpers. Every individual person will end up being one of the helpers.

Delbert:

That's a beautiful part about that program and there's just so many different helpers in so many different ways and so many different parts of our lives. I love the Healing Place, and I love your connection to it and your family's devotion to it, and just all the people that it truly helps and how once they get into recovery, like you said, they become the helpers and that empowers them. There's something that I looked up when I was thinking about. Talking about this today, that's called a helper's high. And it's just natural endorphins that you get when you help someone. And that's why doing service work or doing something to help others when you're down is such good rehabilitation because you just get this natural high and this endorphin from. Helping people and probably the guys that were working on your well and your brakes, they get a little bit of a rush from being appreciated by you, but also, being the detective and solving all these problems. I'm thinking about trader Joe's, when I go in there, I feel like I'm doing something so healthy for myself. Oh my gosh. Yeah, so this is real life here. We've got a an alert, we've got an Amber alert, so we'll go ahead and say that endangered adult Megan Kromer 33, missing from Rock Castle County, Kentucky. Since this morning at 5:51 AM she's. 5 7, 2 30 pounds. Brown hair, blue eyes. They are unsure of what she was wearing at the time, but she may be in a black 2016 Nissan Altima with Kentucky plates. N three three eight. Call 9 1 1. Do not approach. Let's all be on the lookout for that sweet person. Let's be a helper for her.

Hess:

Wow. This is something else how Megan Kromer she needs, she. She needs some helpers. Wow. What a serendipitous moment here. Delbert. This big alert happen on our phones,

Delbert:

Right.

Hess:

you all heard that in the background. So your phone was lighting up simultaneously. It's like bouncing off. Satellites, way out in space, And she needs some help.

Delbert:

Wow. And the helper's big and small. When I first think about it, I think about the emergency workers, the policemen, the firemen, the doctors, the nurses, all these people that are that we really relate to as helpers. I. And, but gosh, in so many other ways, I was just getting ready to say when I go to Trader Joe's, I'm automatically in a good mood because everybody there is so eager to help you. They're so polite, they're so happy, they're so happy to work there. And it just creates this, I love a vibe. It just creates this wonderful good vibe. It makes you feel, you're buying this organic produce and all this organic, dairy products and things and good homemade breads and things, and you're just feeling so good about yourself and then the people there are making you feel so good. That's just what we want in the world with all the despair right now, with all the wars and all the things that are going on in this world right now. We need to really think about the good and help lift each other up. Think about all the good in this world. And one of the things that I'm thankful for is lifeguards at Turner's.'cause I went swimming yesterday and the workers at Trader Joe's, that's two things I did yesterday that made me really thankful. For those people in my life. And and that's very lighthearted and, in comparison to brakes and not having access to water or air conditioning. And then of course, in comparison to what's going on with poor Megan Kromer, we just hope she's found right, right away. All these different levels of things, right? All these different levels of things and helpers is All important.

Hess:

What about this system, Delbert, that immediately, she's missing at 5 56 this morning immediately. This can get spread out to everybody. That's Showing up a long time ago and being able to put this system in place.

Delbert:

Exactly. Exactly. I sure hope they find her soon.

Hess:

Delbert and also we can't discredit the little things that we can do that help. Go ahead and tell our podsters you, our last pod you were gonna go out in the heat to to work the grill, the Blackstone Grill at Turner's. Was.

Delbert:

that was a small thing, but I did last Sunday I did, I worked, the grill at Turner's had so much fun. And it's super casual. We're just making burgers and hot dogs and brats. And then we've got a little section where we don't let any of the meat touch where we have veggie burgers and we have a special spatula for that. And it was so stinking hot. I had a big bandana that I'd soaked in ice around my neck and. The other girl that was working with me, I said, now if you need to go jump in the pool and come back, and so we gave each other brakes to go cool off and you could jump in the pool and get cooled off. And by the time you walked back to the station, you were dry. It's just so hot out right now.

Hess:

Funny. So you Hey, you need a break. You go jump in that pool. But you were also saying, Hey, I'm gonna do the same

Delbert:

Heck yeah. Yeah. Yesterday I had a really rough day at work. I had some things go wrong and and I just went down to Turner's and looked at the river and and jumped in the pool and I thought, I. I'm so lucky. I'm so fortunate. Life is good. I can do this. And I'm famous for, keeping a bathing suit and afloat and things like that in my car in the summer because my job is very stressful and I'm so thankful for being able to take little brakes like that. So yeah, shout out to everybody that worked hard at Turner's to get everything open this summer. We were under water just a month ago.

Hess:

Yeah, all those helpers that helped

Delbert:

Yeah. My goodness. All volunteers. Yeah.

Hess:

How far up did the water get there? At Turner's

Delbert:

It, the snack bar, which is set for pretty far back from the river was completely, that's got our bathrooms and shower rooms and our snack bar that was completely under water.

Hess:

completely all the way up past the roof.

Delbert:

Yeah, and you couldn't even access the road. So it took a while for people to get there, to start doing things. But eventually, once the river recedes enough, you can get in there with waiters and people had to walk in, people had to walk in to start doing stuff, but our lifeguard chairs got washed away and all of our pool chairs got washed away. So we've got all, it's beautiful, we've got all new red umbrellas, we've got all new. Lounge chairs and lifeguard chairs. Usually part of the opening is painting the lifeguard chairs, and I'm like we don't have to paint the lifeguard chairs this year.

Hess:

Lifeguard chairs might be floating past Memphis right now or

Delbert:

They might be. They might be. Can you imagine all that floating down the river, goodness sake. And anyway, I'm very thankful for people who are just. In a good mindset, in a positive frame of mind.'cause you're keeping that positive vibe going in the universe is very important. Mr. Rogers said, of course, look for the helpers, the people that are always there to help you. But I love this quote. He says, if you want to achieve ultimate success, number one, always be kind. Number two, always be kind. Number three, always be kind.

Hess:

Ultimate success.

Delbert:

success really is just to be kind.

Hess:

Absolutely. And then you send out that atmosphere that you're living in too, and it feels a whole lot better.

Delbert:

Yeah, exactly.

Hess:

It's win-win. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So if, oh, Mike water had showed up here and I'm just so pissed and angry and pissed and

Delbert:

right.

Hess:

And I'm like, here, it's again, you didn't fix it. Yes you would. But, now I'm like, Hey man, thank you so much. Yeah, I know you're going to do it. Thank you so much. I'm down there FaceTiming him at 10 30 in, at night showing him the pressure switch, and just, I, there would've been no good if I hadn't been kind

Delbert:

Attitude is everything. Exactly. And I.

Hess:

is the altitude in which you live.

Delbert:

Exactly and knowing when we need help. You know that quote that says, you can do anything you set your mind to for sure, but you can't do everything. You just can't. And you gotta ask for help. And that's hard for me sometimes'cause I'm a multitasker and I try to feel, because, I do live alone. I try to feel super empowered, by doing things. And sometimes I'll fix something and I'll say, yes, aha. But yeah, I can't do everything and I've gotta remember that.

Hess:

Sometimes you can't get that smoke detector put up there,

Delbert:

Dang it. Sometimes I can't get the smoke detector put up and it's very important.

Hess:

Yeah. So that a hundred percent. Now we came back from our Bethany Beach trip and I got some stuff from Beth Hamer some things I say now, like a hundred percent,

Delbert:

a hundred percent trust and believe. Love it. And Terry says, trust but verify, which I love. Yeah.

Hess:

But verify.

Delbert:

And being in the gold light, that was a good big takeaway from the trip being in the gold light of protection. We would do that and send out a big gold light to the whole wide world when we were on the beach in the morning.

Hess:

So another thing, Beth. Beth, thing Beth says is point taken. So point taken point. Taken Delbert and pos you got to be able to know. That it's a, you give somebody a gift when you ask for help Show up and do something for

Delbert:

You're helping their endorphins. Right on. Yeah.

Hess:

It circles back to Bert is notice, feel, be with the feeling, and then take the next best step. And the next best step might be able to, might be saying, Hey, I need some help.

Delbert:

And you wanted to talk about, wanted to circle back since it's still June on Pride month, last podcast. You had something to say about that.

Hess:

Something about that. Remember it was the Edith Windsor case that helped take down doma. And DOMA was the Defense of Marriage Act that had been put in place and it prevented gay rights in gay marriage. Edith Windsor and Thea. They were a same-sex couple and they were residing in New York. And their marriage had been recognized by the state of New York in 2008. And when Thea died in 2009, she left her entire estate to Windsor. Now what's pretty cool is these women, men, they were right on, they were really good in all the work they did. One of them was like one of the initial IBM programmers and stuff like that. Crazy. Thea left her entire estate to her wife. Edith and Edith sought to claim the federal estate tax exemption for the surviving sp spouses, but she was barred because of that doma. So she was seeking a refund. She had to pay something like. in estate taxes or something that in a regular hetero marriage, it would've just been passed through. She went Let's see. She went to a bunch of of different advocates. She went to several gay right advocacy groups to try to represent her, but nobody would take her case. And then finally she was re-referred to Roberta Kaplan. That's Robbie Kaplan. And Robbie was a partner at the law firm, Paul Weiss. Fricking wanted and Garrison and Robbie recalls when I heard her story, when I heard Edith's story, it took me about five seconds, maybe less, to agree to represent her. just amazing that Robbie shows up and is a helper. And I wouldn't be sitting here right now being married since this happened. And being with my partner for 30 years and married for as long as it was legal. I wouldn't be sitting here right now married. If it wasn't for Robbie taking that case saying, yes I'll do it.

Delbert:

A big helper. Thanks, Robbie.

Hess:

Still doing more to do great things. She represented Delbert, the Lee Carroll that filed sexual assault and defamation case against Trump, and she won.

Delbert:

Oh E. Jean, Carol.

Hess:

E Yeah, E. Jean Carroll. And Trump owes her like$85 million and it's being accrued 9% interest every day. And E. Jean says, I'm gonna use this money for good stuff. I'm gonna use it for everything. He hates climate change, gay rights, and all kinds of stuff. It just spreads. When you help somebody, it spreads Even if you're, even if you're, even if you're working at a store, your smile, it spreads. comes in the door.

Delbert:

We're grateful for all the helpers and all the people doing their very best every single day.

Hess:

Amen. Amen to that. just good stuff. Be kind. Be kind. Be kind. I love that.

Delbert:

Yeah, that's all you need to know.

Hess:

That's all you need to know. So what else can we say? Just it's a gift and it's beautiful and all these individuals one cool thing Mike has Woody Waters sun with him. And they're just laughing and teasing each other and they're just, it's just

Delbert:

Having a good time while they're working on that. That's part of what it's all about too. And you gotta laugh through it, right? You gotta laugh through it.

Hess:

Yeah Mike gets this other plumber to repack. This all started a week ago on Sunday where I had two little valves leaking in the bathroom and we were trying to tighten them down. They're just like those valves that you have at a waterfall, a hose, but they're the pipes that bringing water to the barn anyway. okay, just try to tighten them down. But they were still leaking. Anyway, that's how it all started. But, and then domino from there anyway, any who? Mike Water called one of his, one of his buddies, another plumber. He says, yeah, a plumber. Be better just to pack those. So of course I had two toilets that needed to be fixed too. Delbert when the plumber came. So I meet the plumber and I say, I'm just gonna pay him cash.'cause he's coming late on a. Late in the day, and I'm just gonna pay him cash. I have some cash in my pocket. And he's down there fixing the pipe in the barn and then fixing that toilet. And I tell him about, I said, you wouldn't really mind to come up and do that toilet up at the house, would you? And he goes, no, will. So then he comes up to the house, and then I'm walking out with him and I go, oh, you didn't park up here? He goes, no, I'm a hiker. I've walked the whole Appalachian trail and he telling

Delbert:

Wow.

Hess:

these.

Delbert:

Oh, that's so cool.

Hess:

He's telling me all his stories of the hike, the white mountains and climbing out Mount Washington. And then you couldn't see above your past, your hand. And he's telling me all these stories and I'm listening and everybody's got a story and it's of the helpers have stories and you're, and just it was it enriched me here and his hiking stories. So he's no, heck, I can walk down to the barn. I could walk up to the house from there. I'm a hiker.

Delbert:

The hiker. Love it. Love it.

Hess:

The gift, yeah, the gift. You gave that gal saying, yeah, take a break. Go jump in the pool. Yeah. Sweet.

Delbert:

I am listening to his story and we all wanna be heard, right? We just all wanna be heard. We wanna feel good Pos, we love you so much. We wanna leave you on a note of Be kind. Be kind to other people in this world, and be kind to yourself.

Hess:

It's kinda like your thing with real estate, Bert, right? Bert is a fantastic real estate agent. It, the most important thing about real estate is the most important thing about being in the world is be kind.

Delbert:

Exactly. And if you're in Kentucky or our neighboring states, please be on the lookout for

Hess:

Yes. Yeah.

Delbert:

that black Nissan from that alert all.

Hess:

Call 9 1 1. Hey, we love you. Thanks for tuning in. Please like share, send it to a friend you might, might like to listen to it. Peace and love.

Delbert:

We love you friends. Peace and love.