Let Me Tell You This About That

Our Tribes and Villages--

• Delbert and Hess • Season 1 • Episode 39

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Delbert and Hess have their Sunday morning chat today about what having a tribe or village in our lives does for us.  They are varied.  This week Delbert was grateful for her Kentucky Select tribe of mentors and colleagues that she works with in real estate,  grateful for her village of family, the village of friends.   Hess is on her boat, the Relation Ship on the Rideau Canal, finishing up a two week cruise with her friend Melinda.  She belongs to a tribe of people that own the same type of vessel—a Rosborough 246.  They joined up and cruised for a while with Mike and Linda on their Rosborough—the Tailwind, they met up also with Rob on his, called Sweet Pea’.   (He is a big Popeye fan.)  Hess spoke of feeling a connection—a camaraderie that happens with these boaters—feeling like she has always known them.  Our village or tribe accepts us for who we are.  It is important that they are compassionate and help raise us up.  We are better when the people around us share their knowledge and talents with us.  Who are your tribes?  Peace and Love, and please like and subscribe and share!

I am still collecting for José's cancer treatments. We are awaiting the next CT Scans that will tell you where he is after his second round of treatments. Thank you for your continued support!
https://gofund.me/e6f61999

In addition to being a podcast host, Hess is also an LCSW--if you'd like to learn more about her work as a therapist, check it out at www.jessicabollinger.com

One of her mission's is for all of our lights to shine--when we see each other and allow ourself to be seen--and we can say to the person in front of us, There You Are! the world will be an amazing place!

Delbert is a top realtor in Louisville, KY, and you can find her at Kentucky Select Properties She will help you find your home, and also help you get the most equity when you sell your house.

Her philanthropic work to continue her sister Carole and niece Meghan is Carole's Kitchen. Blessings in a Backpack helps feed the many hungry students in our schools. The instagram account is: https://www.instagram.com/caroleskitchen.nonprofit?utm_source=ig_web_button_share_sheet&igsh=ZDNlZDc0MzIxNw==




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Hess:

Everybody, thank you so much for joining in with us. My name is Hess and I'm sitting on my boat, the Relation Ship I have, my good friend Melinda with me and my dog Tyler, on this journey that we're wrapping up. We've been two weeks on cruising on the Rideau Canal in beautiful Ontario, Canada, and right now I'm sitting docked. At Davis Lock here on the Rideau and I've got my star link satellite propped up, but with the with the lawn chair to keep it straight'cause I forgot the base for it. But I'm live and here and live. Welcome, welcome to, let me tell you this about that.

Delbert:

Welcome everybody. This is Delbert. I'm live from the Green couch in Louisville, Kentucky. keeps coming in and out, it looks like. the most part, it's gonna be a beautiful day. It might rain just a little bit, but that's okay.'cause my green grass is getting a little dry. And I told Hess yesterday, I've been thinking so much about relationships in life. And one of the things I do when I get up in the morning is I always my gratitudes and I always. Am most thankful for my family and my relationships with my family and my extended family, my friends that I've had since high school and since parochial school all of my good work friends. And HEss sent me this picture of where she is and, she's just surrounded by all these boats and all this community and they're all just, enjoying the beauty being out on the water together. And I just, I said I think we should talk about our villages that we have because we have many, we form'em through school, our activities that we like to do. Sometimes we form'em through philanthropic work and, and we're so fortunate to have those great villages with us in our life. So we want you to think about that two podsters and how you form your villages and who is it you that you're so grateful for. And then a little bit of it is, sometimes we do get those toxic people in our lives and how to work on getting those people you a little bit more at bay and. And tightening. You know who we let in to our close circle.

Hess:

And when you talked about villages, instantly came into mind, this Rosborough group, my, my. The relationship is called abo and they were built initially in, up in Nova Scotia, and mine is in 1997 Rosborough. And then later in the early two thousands, they were bought by Eastern Boats and they're made in New Hampshire. But all of us together that own a boat like this. We get together and we have rendezvous, and Mike and his wife Lynn from Ottawa, have a boat, have a roseboro that they call the tailwind. And before I decided on my this shows you the benefits of a village or a tribe is before I'm, before I, I heard that the Rideau canal was just so beautiful, so I was always wanted to come up here. So before I made the trip last year, I inquiRideau. Out there to, to the universe and to, to my roseboro tribe about where would be the best places to launch my boat? Where are the best places to see? And Rob from Sweet Pea and Mike and Lynn from Tailwind, they all gave me this whole list of things to do and see and where to put in. And so it. And then we all met up we cruised a little while with Mike and Len and you and Delbert. I just felt and Melinda can attest that I feel like I, I've known these people almost my whole life. It's something about the kind of people that have a boat like this. It's not a condominium on the water. It's more like a real. Practical boat. It can be in heavy seas or it can be on smooth lake waters, but it's comfortable. There's a V berth, there's a dining berth you can sleep in. There's a nice little kitchen, a fridge. It's not huge, but it's trailerable and you can take it where you wanna go and there's this village of people that own Rosboroughs from all walks of life. But there's this commonality of this boat. And we feel like we already know each other. We're like-minded people, adventurous, spirited we don't need a lot of plush, fancy things, Delbert yesterday we were seeing what they had on their boat. They were seeing what we, I have on my boat, and they had these nice, you're gonna enjoy it down at the lake baby. They had these nice little, close hooks, but they were big and round on the end plastic. They fit around the the chrome on the boat, the bow sprint and stuff on the boat. They fit around perfectly to be able to hang your laundry up there. And she gave me a packet of it yesterday, a packet of 12 of'em yesterday before we left. And it's you learn things from them and it's share and it's just so much fun.

Delbert:

I was reading an article in Forbes magazine that just is just saying, just that surrounding yourself with the right people changes everything. And you want people around you that can mentor you and vice versa, that you can help you share your knowledge. Before we started talking recording I was just saying it's the same philosophy as in sports is to play up, play up in sports, play somebody that's better than you to make you better

Hess:

Yeah, I always played better tennis Delbert when I played with somebody better than me.

Delbert:

Yeah. You always play better'cause it makes you think. A little quicker kind of react. It ups your game. For sure. For sure. When youngest Sophie was playing basketball. She was at a very little parochial school called St. James. And there were just so few kids that they played on every, as long as you weren't too old for the team you played up, you played up on, in fourth grade, I think she played on the seventh and eighth grade team for a little bit,

Hess:

wow. Wow.

Delbert:

I. That it made'em such good players by the time they were in seventh and eighth grade, and then they would be far ahead of a team the fifth and sixth grade would come and be their bench. So it's just a really cool way of playing up and learning. I. Making yourself better. it's so true that being around the right people just makes you such a much better person. I love having mentors at work. I think about that all the time. When I first got to Kentucky Select, I was just surrounded by people. Who had been in the business for a really long time, whose advice and expertise. I just, admired and I would listen to them on the phone. I would listen to how they talk to people and how they respected people and respected their homes and the equity they had in it. And it just, it made me a better realtor and a better person just having that at my disposal or be in the office and be around all those people. I loved it. And as much as we love to be around positive people, it's good to be mindful about the negative Nellie's, the people that are not self-aware, kind of suck all the energy out of the room and have to make it all about themselves. We're around people like that sometimes. And if they're in our circle, it can really suck the life out of you.

Hess:

Yeah, so I'm on this little 25 foot boat by eight foot six inches wide. Delbert you you, how many square feet is that? 24 by eight.

Delbert:

24 by eight. Now I have to get my calculator out. It's early in the morning. Pod

Hess:

You're in housings. You're in the housing. So anyway, the point is, and the point is this, that's something that.

Delbert:

square feet. Okay.

Hess:

So I'm in 192 square feet for two weeks.

Delbert:

apartment,

Hess:

very, yeah. 190. It's like a closet, a kitchen, and a place for you to sleep. But I've told Melinda, I said, can you imagine if being on a boat this size with somebody you didn't like, but

Delbert:

can you imagine?

Hess:

I'm on this boat. I'm on this boat with Melinda, and every morning she says. Oh my gosh, it's such a beautiful morning and I love that. I love that.

Delbert:

the day with the positive energy and she's sounds like she's a person. That's the light, that's self-aware, understands that what you say and do affects other people and

Hess:

absolutely.

Delbert:

a light. And in your life. Yeah.

Hess:

yeah.

Delbert:

want those light people in our life.

Hess:

Three beautiful, three beautiful kids. Three beautiful kids that she's raised with that light. And Delbert being she was a teacher, a special education teacher. When we go through places, everybody goes hi. Hey. And they're looking at the boat. And in certain places that we've gone through little kids have been yelling, hi, and. It's so fun to hear Melinda respond to these little kids. Okay, now you gotta say bye.

Delbert:

Still teaching.

Hess:

Still teaching. Still teaching? Yeah.

Delbert:

That.

Hess:

Yeah what I hear is at Kentucky Select when you joined there, you kept your ear open to this village that surrounded you of the way that they talked and honoRideau their clients and the respect they showed on the phone and directly with their clients. And you took that on. It taught you how to do that, and I think that is so cool that. I always try to be around people that raise me up, My village at the barn. Everybody does things better than me. That's why I love being around them, because they do it better than me and I can learn how to do it

Delbert:

Exactly

Hess:

by that.

Delbert:

And when we share like that, we can all benefit from each other.'cause we all have different strengths and talents and and know a little bit and you're a curious person. You always wanna learn. And that's such a great way to be in life to always be open learning and to always. Be willing to listen to people. Another thing, go ahead.

Hess:

Along that line, Delbert, it's very important that the people that you have in your village or your tribe that they have compassion and they're really, they're willing to share what they know with others. We're celebrating Pam's birthday an equestrian at our farm this coming Tuesday. She loves lobster. She loves that lobster place in. What's that Lobster? Red Lobster. She always loves REd Lobster. So REd Lobster Tuesday, six 30 to celebrate Pam's birthday. Yay. I'm in m and then somebody responded to the person that, to the equestrian. I've always aspired to be, because Pam's the person in the barn, in the village, in the tribe, and she's always willing to share. Not like I'm better than you, but. To share her knowledge of how to wrap a leg or how to get a better leg yield or a canter apart or something, and so it's important the people that you have in your village or tribe, that they have compassion and they're will willing to share their knowledge. I love that.

Delbert:

Exactly. Be open to share. But I was just telling Hess I just was more aware of my gratitude this week. Sometimes it just is a little more clear to you and maybe the things that you do. I got to go to Lakeside with my. Oldest darling and my oldest daughter. And, just laying there at Lakeside on our rafts, talking laughing and just beautiful blue skies and Lakeside's, a beautiful place. It's an old quarry that they turned into a pool and there was a swim meet going on I said, oh, I'm so grateful for my relationships with you all and for how. How we love to be around each other, and I'm also so grateful that I'm not on that swim team.

Hess:

Now my friend Melinda will tell you a lot of stories about swimming at Lakeside'cause she grew up swimming there and how cold the water would be early in the morning, jumping in there.'cause as Delbert said, it's a rock quarry. Yeah. Yeah.

Delbert:

Unbelievable that you won't believe this, Melinda, tell Melinda that. Actually lakeside water because it's just been so hot lately. It's warm even in the deepest part of the lake. So yesterday and two more relationships. I'm thankful for two friends I've had since Sacred Heart. Was it Turner's with them yesterday floating in the pool

Hess:

Yeah.

Delbert:

and they keep pumping cold water into the pool'cause of the heat. And so Turner's, even though it's a little bit old pool it's cooler. It's a little bit more refreshing right now than Lakeside is.

Hess:

Oh wow. Wow.

Delbert:

interesting, isn't it? Yeah. I'm like I'm the temperature police. Remember when we were in Bethany, I'd go in the ocean every day and I'd say, I think it's about 67 degrees. And I'd come out and check the lifeguard chair and see if I was right. Anyway.

Hess:

I think, I think Turner's now, my, my friend Melinda's sitting in the cockpit here and she can hear you. Delbert, Turner's started off with this I would call it a village of what it wanted to create in the community when it originated. Could you say again how Turner's came about? Because it's got the ingredients of creating that.

Delbert:

It's beautiful. It started in Germany and it really was for people to have a place to exercise. They also had books there. and so it was just about having a sound mind and sound body. That's how the club was created. So when people came to America, some of these German Americans they sought out. create the same place in American, so the club's always called American Turner's and then Dash wherever it is. So I belong to American Turner's, Louisville and I always say Germans are really smart about real estate. I. The Ursuline sisters that are a German order bought that beautiful land on Lexington Road, they also bought all the land that is St. Joseph's orphanage down on Frankfurt. And then, the Louisville Turner's purchased some really beautiful land right on the Ohio River. So we're right there on, on prime real estate and. Everything that's there is really geared towards family being outdoors doing sports. There's pickleball, there's tennis, there's a big baseball field that they play softball and kickball on. There's a soccer field. I think the Louisville rugby team used to play there or played there. So they rent out the front field for football teams to practice local, like high school and grade school, football teams and soccer. And so it's just, and then the big building has a circus. so turner's means to turn, to do a flip.

Hess:

Got you.

Delbert:

That is a long way around the barn. But yeah that's how it started. It started as a village to keep people mentally and physically in good shape, which is one of the things I always for and meditate for in the morning. I just say, keep us mentally, physically, and spiritually healthy. Everybody in my family, That's so important. All you gotta have all three,

Hess:

mentally, physically, and emotionally healthy. Yep.

Delbert:

I say spiritually, but Yeah.

Hess:

Spiritually.

Delbert:

because

Hess:

Yeah.

Delbert:

I'm connecting with emotional, I think. But hey, you, do you boo Pray however you want.

Hess:

Yeah. Your spirituality is very singular. In the broad sense of the singular self, because there's this wide expanse of the universe and the world. Yeah. Yeah, so the village or. Your village or like the Barclay Village, y'all. This is something that we called ourselves a Barclay Village because we went on this retreat and it, there was nine, nine people all collectively did some Brene Brown work there. And it, and by sharing our stories, by sharing our work. We, it all connected us and we started calling ourselves the Barkley Village. And that's what our, that's what our, that's what our thread is on text. So we became a village. It's about sharing yourself. And Yeah. And like Brene Brown says it's true belonging. They were asked to change who we are. True belonging requires us to be who we are. So who we were showed up and we witnessed each other and it made us fall in love with each other, and we became a village.

Delbert:

Exactly, and it's, it just goes to show, I think we were all 66 when we did that. Little trip to Lake Barkley in January and just goes to show you that no matter your age, you can form these new relationships and meaningful, deep, meaningful villages and deep, meaningful relationships no matter what age you are. And

Hess:

Like us Delbert so the Barkley Village, we'd all gone to the same high school, but some of us were closer in high school than others. We knew each other but this weekend made us all more connected and like we've had, we talked to you all about the crisscrosses that Delbert and I have had in our lives as we were in the same grade school. Our dads, all our dads both had boat on the river. Our dad, our dads both were builders, but our parents weren't. Social friends together. And so we didn't really see each other on the river. We were on the river simultaneously. We were probably tied up to 12 Mile Island at the same time, but we never did anything together. But because of the relationships we had and my, with my cousin Dewey, we crisscross back together. So it's never I gotta say that's so important. Like Delbert said, it's never too late to establish that and to. To make those, the connections to to co-create new villages, new tribes of people that help raise you up.

Delbert:

It is so important to put yourself out there and to make connections in life and to not be afraid to meet new peoples. One. One of the, one of the things in this Psychology Today article that I read, was talking about darkness and light, the negative Nellie, then the lights that shine on you and themselves there. It's the difference between self-awareness and unaware. And it really encouraged the reader to analyze. Your friend groups, your circles. Make sure that you're not being drained by somebody that needs a constant attention or is always in dramas, always has something, crazy going on, and they always derail the conversation. It's important to analyze that in your life and make sure that you don't have any toxic people in your life. The article encouraged you if you do, to maybe seek out. At least one new friend and try to create a friendship circle. And I know that's hard, but you do have to put yourself out there with, with your activities and your life. I don't ever meet a stranger. I talk to everybody in the checkout line. I tell people I like their clothes. I tell people I like their, yesterday at Turner, some lady came up to Karen Barnett and I, we both have blonde hair and we shop together a lot. So our bathing suits were, but different colors. And she goes, are y'all twins? And we let, we said separated at birth. We're very good friends, best friends since 14 at Sacrrd Heart and love to hang out together. And she said I just have to, I thought you all were sisters. I was just anyway, she became our new friend and she sat next to us and we have a new Turner's friend. So yourself out there and try to meet new people and put yourself in the light. Put yourself in the light.

Hess:

Oh, yeah. Yeah. It just feels so good. Now, you might have, there might be you call these negative nels. There might be some people that might drain you. I'd say consciously intentionally, have a conversation, say it seems like this is always going on with you. I just wanna ask, are you open for my suggestion? Would you like any of my suggestions or do you just want me to listen? No just so just doesn't keep going around in circles where you keep getting pulled down,

Delbert:

yes. Good one. That's a true therapist. There's Yeah, that's true Most of the time my experience has been that they really don't want your opinion. That's been my experience. They really want you to listen. Because sometimes when people are, dramatic and love to monopolize the conversation. They really just being in that, like being in that little squirrel,

Hess:

i'd say Delbert they don't really like it, but it's maybe just familiar to them.

Delbert:

Yeah.

Hess:

Yeah.

Delbert:

It's familiar.

Hess:

yeah. Yeah. So if you're like that, gimme a call and let's work on it.

Delbert:

let's work on that. Hes, Hess is the person to call. She's got her info on our podcast, so work on that.

Hess:

Yeah.

Delbert:

stuff.

Hess:

LCSW that somebody like that is stuck. They're stuck in bad energy and it's it's not good for themselves.

Delbert:

And like life is too short. Life is so beautiful. Melinda says, it's a beautiful day every day when you wake up.

Hess:

Sure.

Delbert:

So lucky just to be here and be alive and enjoy the world and nature and each other. So don't get stuck. Don't get stuck on that loop. Be like Melinda.

Hess:

I know and just saying it makes you feel it. Some mornings were dark or overcast and gosh, what a beautiful, and there's a whole lot of beauty to think about with, however, the morning is

Delbert:

Absolutely. Think about going to Bethany Beach, and we got up and went to those sunrises every day. They were

Hess:

right.

Delbert:

They were all different. Some days it was rainy and foggy, right? We didn't even see the sun but we saw the cloud formation over the ocean and it was misty and foggy, and it was beautiful in its own right.

Hess:

Each one was beautiful and something that drew me back here, Delbert on my trip up here last year. I got some phenomenal sunrise pictures with the skies. And I'm not getting this, I'm not getting that same photo, but it brought me back up here again. And I said, before I came, I said, there were so many beautiful pictures I took and I show people in my office'cause I blew some up and have'em framed on the, on, on my office wall. I said I won't see that same sunrise, but I know that I'll see other kinds of beauty too. And it's been like that,

Delbert:

right.

Hess:

So like Terry always goes to sunrise every morning, even if it's overcast it's beau beautiful in its own way.

Delbert:

Yeah, that was a really, that was a really good lesson. Yeah. I love

Hess:

Okay, y'all, so this is food for thought, your tribe, your village. What's it look like to you? Where are they? Can they can be all different parts of your life. You can have different villages and tribes and the input that you have on, the input that other people have and how you can co-create new villages and tribes and be intentional and say, Hey, I wanna spend more time with you. I really enjoy your company. And like you read in that article, reach out and make a new connection.

Delbert:

Yes, every day is a new start, right? We can always improve our lives no matter how old we are. No matter where we are in life, we can reach out and make those connections. So

Hess:

Amen.

Delbert:

we gave you food for thought today, and we hope you, we got you thinking about your village and your relationships and the great ones that you want to give gratitude for, and maybe the ones that need a little work and some new ones.

Hess:

Thanks for joining us on our Sunday morning chat. We love you.

Delbert:

Peace and love. Friends, we love you.