Let Me Tell You This About That

The Swirl of Chaos-Jump Out!

• Delbert and Hess • Season 1 • Episode 42

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The Swirl of Chaos—Jump Out!

Join our Sunday morning chat where we discuss feeling the chaos in the world right now. News has been a literal tsunami, earth quakes, wildfires in Canada, starving kids in Gaza, a continued war in Ukraine, and politics not serving the people that are hurting.   The old show Get Smart on TV called the enemy “Chaos”—  It does us no good to stay in it’s spin.  What can help us get out of it—what helps you get out of it?  Calling a friend, resting and rejuvenating, reaching out, witnessing and listening to another.  Seeing the promise of youth.  What is one thing that you could do for someone else?  Those things make a difference in the world.  Remember friends there is more good than bad, and there are lots of helpers.  You are one of them.  Peace and Love.  Like and share.  Leave us a comment.

I am still collecting for José's cancer treatments. We are awaiting the next CT Scans that will tell you where he is after his second round of treatments. Thank you for your continued support!
https://gofund.me/e6f61999

In addition to being a podcast host, Hess is also an LCSW--if you'd like to learn more about her work as a therapist, check it out at www.jessicabollinger.com

One of her mission's is for all of our lights to shine--when we see each other and allow ourself to be seen--and we can say to the person in front of us, There You Are! the world will be an amazing place!

Delbert is a top realtor in Louisville, KY, and you can find her at Kentucky Select Properties She will help you find your home, and also help you get the most equity when you sell your house.

Her philanthropic work to continue her sister Carole and niece Meghan is Carole's Kitchen. Blessings in a Backpack helps feed the many hungry students in our schools. The instagram account is: https://www.instagram.com/caroleskitchen.nonprofit?utm_source=ig_web_button_share_sheet&igsh=ZDNlZDc0MzIxNw==




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Hess:

Welcome everybody. My name is Hess and you have joined us for the Sunday morning chat. I'm sitting in my white chair, Delbert, looking out the morning, Sunday morning here at Carriage Station Farm. Tell us what the weather report is from the green couch.

Delbert:

Oh gosh. Good morning everybody. I'm on the green couch in Louisville, Kentucky looking out my picture window. It was a beautiful sunrise this morning, the big pink swirl that we talk about and blue skies. It's just gorgeous today. Get out and enjoy it if you can. Pretty. pretty. So Hess and I normally we come up with a topic and then. then we just talked before our podcast on Sunday morning, but been so much going on in the world. Hess actually texted me last night and and called me

Hess:

Yeah. Yeah.

Delbert:

Hannah wanted to talk about, the fact that our podcast is. Is going on in a really unusual or incredible time in history, and we wanna timestamp things with our podcast talk about some of the chaos that's in the world right now. And then a line that my grandmother ma'am Dorothy, always said to me that for some reason there's some things that are spoken to you in your life that. You really hold onto whether they're good or bad? of mine are good and this one line that my mama used to say is be still, two little words. Be still. She used to say it in mass a lot. but as I got older, she said it a little more often it's a very good tool when there's chaos around you. I think sometimes our instinct is to get involved in it and really counterintuitive, and the most effective way to deal with it is just to be still for a moment and to take it in and then get your thoughts together on how you're gonna. Command it, how you're gonna deal with it. I told Hess that because there's a lot, there's a lot of chaos Hess going on in the world today.

Hess:

That's right Bert. And the first two weeks of July I was on the water on the Rideau canal with my friend Melinda. And it was a lot stiller there. That I was in touch and attuned to the weather 24 hours a day to the mosquitoes after 7:00 PM to water conditions, bathing in the lake water and then returning home like for the last two weeks. I'm back here at the farm. I'm doing great. My clients are doing great work. But I'm in touch more with the with the news. I read the local newspaper every day at breakfast and so I'm plugging in more to the news and baby, lots of it keeps spinning and spinning in my head. And Delbert you were talking about, and I think it was on Get Smart, where the enemy wasn't the enemy of Get Smart called chaos.

Delbert:

Yeah, they

Hess:

It's called chaos.

Delbert:

Yeah.

Hess:

And they depicted chaos. Like a kaleidoscope, this thing, like spun right.

Delbert:

I think the kaleidoscope more was I mean they did create chaos, the enemy. But the scenes that I remember most that had that kaleidoscope, that swirl, not the good pink swirl, like the sunrise, but a. A mind boggling swirl that was meant to confuse you, was on like HR puff and stuff. Do you remember that? Show,

Hess:

Yeah.

Delbert:

and witchy poo, she would, create the spin. It was just an effect, a special effect or a graphic, and it was just like, it was just like a pinwheel spinning. And the person that was. Being confused was stuck in that pinwheel and they'd just swirl around on the screen and you'd think, oh my goodness, I I never get stuck by witchy poo. And, but that's how it feels right now when you get up and read some of the news. We feel like we might be stuck in one of those,

Hess:

Yeah just just this week it was a real tsunami and the other waves of news of wildfires in Canada, starvation in Gaza, continued war in Ukraine, the threat that Medicare might be cut off that kids might not get their get the food they need and education will be cut

Delbert:

Yeah.

Hess:

Medicare cuts. So Delbert, I just I found myself yesterday physically exhausted and. Yesterday I had done really good physical movement. And that's something too, I've got this book I'm reading right now, the Healing Anxiety Workbook and part of it is like what you've also said a lot of times to me on these Sunday morning chats, Delbert is move, get out and move your body. And that can be a big help. And I, yesterday, Bert. I had ridden my horse in the morning and ridden up and down the hill and that is connecting and helps me ground myself.

Delbert:

Grounding. Yeah.

Hess:

Then I had a paddle up the Elkhorn Creek with some friends, and that wasn't too strenuous and that was beautiful, but Delbert, when I got home, I was exhausted and there was no physical reason for me to be exhausted. But just the chaos and the swirl of the news in my head, and it was really tiring. And I just, when I got home, I laid down and Leanne Morgan has a new Netflix series I just found out about, so I turned on Leanne on, on Netflix and then I got a text from a friend from Louisville that his son's in a tennis tournament up here in Lexington, and he was gonna be playing at five 30, a half an hour away. So I just jumped up and I went, and that was exactly what I needed. I saw friends that are close to our family, somebody that I watched grow up who my dad mentored, and then I feel like he's like a brother to me. And then his only son has taken up tennis and it was so beautiful to witness a. These spectacular shots from this little 12-year-old who spends five hours a day playing, and he loves it, and he is disciplined and he is focused and was an inspiration to me. So in the swirl of the outside world, all of those things I had on my mind. Here's this youngster who's making a difference on something that he loves. So I didn't feel exhausted anymore. I felt refreshed, and it took me out of the chaos.

Delbert:

Something that helps us when we're in chaos is just to be still for a moment. Like just to lay down and be still and get rejuvenated so you can go on to the next best thing, which is just what you needed, I saw a lot of Catholic influencers on Instagram and saw where a lot of young people from all over the world had done a pilgrimage to Rome and Pope Leo stepped out, and St. Peter Square and just said to these young people, you are the light of the world.

Hess:

Whoa.

Delbert:

Those are things just like seeing this young person. Watch play tennis. Those are things that give us hope, that, that fill our hearts, that say yes. Young people are the light of the world. We need to take care of them. It's one of the things that can ground us and help us be still be aware, but just focus on the things that we can control. Focus on what we can control and sometimes we just have to let go of the things that are out of our control. It's part of the Serenity Prayer. The prayer of St. Francis says that, so you just focus on what you can control. And part of self-care is just what we do, Hess, we call each other, we talk to each other. We talk it out in our, work it out

Hess:

Our Sunday morning chats.

Delbert:

Sunday morning chats. I had just a hectic work week with work where I hadn't been off for a solid week and just had a lot to do for my clients, and I would just only catch snippets of the news and would catch, these starving children and babies in Gaza, which is something super close to my heart with my family's charity, Carol's Kitchen. And I just couldn't stand it. I couldn't even stand watching it, and I just felt so overwhelmed with grief, and felt just so out of control and. One of the things I did yesterday, I finally had my first day off and I went to Turner's by the river and talked to my high school friends that are members with me. We had a great time. it was a beautiful day. And then we went to, kingfish on the river, and I said, I think hush puppies and staring at the river might be a form of southern meditation. I don't know. But it gave me my bounce back, and I could come home and think about Carol's kitchen. What I've got planned for this new school year for the kids here in Louisville, Kentucky, which is what I can control.

Hess:

So what I'm hearing you say, Delbert is that gave you that rest and rejuvenation.

Delbert:

Right?

Hess:

You could come back and then you focus on something that you can do.

Delbert:

Exactly. Exactly. And, when we're in chaos, really, the first thing is just to do what Mamaw Dorothy said, be still focus on what you can control, and then acknowledge and accept, like I just said. But the next thing, and we've talked so much in the past couple weeks about, imagining and then the possibilities of our imagination and how to make our dreams a reality. Same thing, really, all those tools apply really managing chaos and managing your life. Do stress reduction, which is what you and I both did yesterday, reduce your stress.

Hess:

And then out of that imagination and then being able to see possibility.

Delbert:

All those deep breaths you talk about are meditation that we talk about. I got to spread my gold light really far this morning because I was more relaxed. I was telling Hess, sometimes when I do my morning meditation this week, I was like, oh, I need to remember here and I need to remember there and all, Gaza, Israel, Iran, the Ukraine, our own country. Alligator Alcatraz. Good

Hess:

Right.

Delbert:

All these things. All these things that just distract us and. We don't even know. There's so much, How we can control it. If you take those deep breaths and you meditate my gold light spread like butter. Like butter this morning.

Hess:

Sweet. Sweet. I love it. Thanks, Bert. Like when I'm driving my boat down the road and it's a, it's, I'm, it's pretty heavy and it's big and I only go 60 miles an hour. And when I look in my side mirror and I see these big semis coming up on me, I'll start to get tense and I'll start to feel the swirl of chaos. And if I take a deep breath in and release that activates the vagus nerve, and then I relax and the truck goes by. So yeah, taking deep breaths, it helps in the chaos. Delbert something. I do that. This is just a depiction about something that's small that takes me to a moment that gives me focus is the eyedrops that I put in our Boston Terrier's eyes. Tessa. An eye because she, she had a retina detachment and had an eye removed, so we have to give her eye drops three times a day in this eye, and our alarms are set for 7:00 AM 1:00 PM 7:00 PM. And when that alarm goes off, put her on the top of the couch, get the specific eye drop, tilt her head up. I'm watching this little tiny vile and I'm watching this little drop. I turn the vile and this little drop comes out and lays right in her eye and she blinks. And just that minute focus like that is calming and centering for me. So that's an aspect of the mindfulness, a mindful practice that I do.

Delbert:

exactly. I do that with house cleaning'cause it makes me feel connected to my mom. Cleaning is almost like a little meditation for me. Any kinda little chore that you can gardening, you can get into that just calms you Just makes you hyper aware of something. Outside the outside world. Yeah.

Hess:

A, a mindful routine, just being mindful why you do that,

Delbert:

Yes,

Hess:

using the dawn, like you said, that your mom uses.

Delbert:

Yes, I hope our first sponsors Dawn Dish Washing Liquid.'cause I love it so much and my mom used it for everything and now I use it for everything. I even scrubbed my tub out with it because it's just, it just is such a good cleaning product and they, and I always think about the little ducks and the little animals that get coated by the oil spill. They can wash'em off with dawn. Because it cuts through oil and grease and it makes their, and then they run across the screen with their little fluffy feathers. Okay, I digress.

Hess:

Yeah, a yoga practice. Some people might

Delbert:

yoga is good. Yes

Hess:

a class that can take you off the grid for an hour.

Delbert:

yes. Pilates,

Hess:

Call a.

Delbert:

your friends. Call your friends. Call your family. And focus on things that you can do. And honestly, when you focus on things, you can break'em down into small, digestible items and then prioritize on the things that are really important in your life. Like I can prioritize feeding children in Jefferson County in Louisville, Kentucky.

Hess:

Delbert as we're talking and you all, this is what the Sunday morning conversations have always done for me that we've done over the past years, Delbert, and why we wanted to give it out here to the world that. Just being able to talk it out and talk with a friend. It just really helps it absolve it because it doesn't do us any good to stay in the chaos,

Delbert:

No.

Hess:

stay in that pen. Pin pinwheel of spin. It doesn't do anybody any good.

Delbert:

Yes. as a country, I think that we've gotta figure that out. Listen to each other and get out of this sw that co confusion swirl that can confusion pin will.

Hess:

Delbert, you just said the word listen. Even when you're talking with somebody, being totally present when you listen to that person is a mindful practice. And so I pulled up this poem about listening by my friend Jane Gumple Can I read it?

Delbert:

Sure.

Hess:

All right, so well as Jane Gumple is an is an Imago relationship therapist, Imago relationship therapy guys is the most wonderful relationship work that you could do. And it really teaches an intentional dialogue practice where you really listen and cross the bridge to the other person's world. And when you listen, you mirror and then you ask, is there more? And then you mirror, you're not listening to try to figure out what you're gonna say next. You're just really listening. So that's the background about Jane Gumple So here's her poem, and the poem is titled, do I Have That Right? It's a poem of sacred listening. It's not a trick of language, not a therapist tool, not a step to rush through on the way to being wise. It's the opening of a gate, a soft knocking at the door of another soul. Do I have that right? It's not just a question, it's a bow. It says, I have heard you. I'm willing to be changed by what I've heard. I will stay here long enough to hear it again. In your words, it says, you are not alone. Inside this story, I have stepped in with you not to fix or solve. To witness. Sometimes it is the first time a heart has been met without defense, and in that stillness, healing begins for in this sacred pause, this simple act of asking. We do not offer answers we offer Love Jane Gumple

Delbert:

Oh, that's beautiful.

Hess:

That's a centering thing that we can do whenever we're listening or talking to somebody, is it's just really listening. And then is there more and it's beautiful.

Delbert:

Love

Hess:

Yeah. Yeah so it could be all sorts of things that you do. The mindful practice of cleaning your house, of putting an eye drop in your dog's eyes just there watching this little boy hit this tennis ball, watching his concentration, hearing that he practices five hours a day. All the ways. Delbert, you were talking about one of the little girls at your schools that helps with the with the kitchen with Carol's kitchen or is it the back the food pantry there where she helps, she's in need of food and she's got this little sister that she takes care of? No, just this beautiful seeing someone really getting somebody.

Delbert:

I, I love that. So many of our kids that help at our pantry also use the pantry themselves. They volunteer to set the food out and and they are always, all of'em, so mindful of what their younger siblings might need. They'll pack a bag, oh, my little brother likes this. My little sister likes that. And I, it's such a beautiful thing that they're, they're taking care of their family at such a young age, just still in high school. And I'll tell you, the quickest way to heal yourself is to take care of somebody else.

Hess:

Yeah, for sure. What's one small way that you can take care of somebody else? Absolutely. That always can get us out of our funk or out of the chaos for sure.

Delbert:

It is,

Hess:

Love it.

Delbert:

do, has to have to do a little bit of housekeeping.'cause I think last week I said about Governor Beshear's housing initiative and I said billion instead of million. But he is got affordable housing incentives in Western and eastern Kentucky. But the budget is less than what I said. I wish it was a billion, but, it's 9.5 in Western Kentucky and Warren County for affordable housing. And 223 million in Eastern Kentucky where they were hit by the tornado. But

Hess:

Wow. Everything helps. Helps.

Delbert:

yes. Everything does help and to think about people homeless and struggling. It makes me I was with my friends, like I said at Turner's and we were just saying, sometimes you just have to stop and say, I'm really thankful for these four walls and these electricity and this plumbing when you see what's going on in the world and even in our own country, in our own state. Just to be thankful and with that mindfulness. To also stay focused on hope.

Hess:

Yeah,

Delbert:

that things are gonna get better. I do

Hess:

sure.

Delbert:

that there's more good in the world. I do believe that the youth of our world are the light of the world and our hope. And, I'm gonna stay focused on hope. I'm not gonna get caught in that pinwheel of chaos. I'm gonna try to be mindful and be still like Mamaw Dorothy says.

Hess:

And the signature on my email says this Delbert. Where a student asked Butler what the answer is to ending the suffering in the world, she replies, there's no single answer that will solve all of our future problems or all of our problems. There's no magic bullet. Instead, there are thousands of answers at least, and you can be one of them if you choose to be. So just the small one thing that you can do just yourself, taking yourself out of the chaos is good for the world.

Delbert:

Yes, it totally is.

Hess:

What is one thing I can do for somebody else? Where's somebody in need and how can I show up? And me showing up for that little boy to be a witness and see him and then eat dinner and sitting across. And then for me to stand up and say what I loved about how I saw him swing his racket. I he felt that he got feedback. I was there, I was a witness to him. Yeah. I love you and it always grounds me and centers me. Think about if you're feeling like you're in the chaotic swirl, take care of yourself. Be mindful. Do one small thing to jump out of it and do one small thing for somebody else. You make a difference.

Delbert:

Stay focused on hope. We love you friends.

Hess:

We love you. You all take care, peace and love.

Delbert:

Peace and love.