Let Me Tell You This About That

Friends--Connection is what its about

• Hess and Delbert • Season 1 • Episode 45

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Podcast 45!  Friends-Connection, it’s what its about!

Hess heard today that “connection is the opposite of depression”.  That is something that Delbert and Hess learned last week from Jay Davidson, director of the Healing Place Recovery Center. He said “Addiction is the disease of isolation.”   Delbert and Hess talk today about friends.  Old friends, new friends.  Friendships evolve over time.  We have neighbor friends, school friends, friends from our kids when they are growing up.  Hess got 12 new friends from pickleball by running into an old friend sitting next to her at a concert.  Friends help our hearts. We can be there to listen, and a friend can be there to listen to us. Through the hard times and the good times.  Make someone’s day! Be that person that walks up and says hello!  It keeps us healthy! Thanks for listening!  We love you!

I am still collecting for José's cancer treatments. We are awaiting the next CT Scans that will tell you where he is after his second round of treatments. Thank you for your continued support!
https://gofund.me/e6f61999

In addition to being a podcast host, Hess is also an LCSW--if you'd like to learn more about her work as a therapist, check it out at www.jessicabollinger.com

One of her mission's is for all of our lights to shine--when we see each other and allow ourself to be seen--and we can say to the person in front of us, There You Are! the world will be an amazing place!

Delbert is a top realtor in Louisville, KY, and you can find her at Kentucky Select Properties She will help you find your home, and also help you get the most equity when you sell your house.

Her philanthropic work to continue her sister Carole and niece Meghan is Carole's Kitchen. Blessings in a Backpack helps feed the many hungry students in our schools. The instagram account is: https://www.instagram.com/caroleskitchen.nonprofit?utm_source=ig_web_button_share_sheet&igsh=ZDNlZDc0MzIxNw==




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Hess:

Hey everybody. Thank you so much for joining us again. This is our pod number, Delbert. Hold on. Drum roll number 45 yes, every week where you're joining us for our Sunday morning chat. My name's Hess. I'm sitting in the white chair and my bedroom looking out at the farm.

Delbert:

That is a heave hut ho as Dewy would say, 45 Wow. We're just getting so close to a year's worth of. Podcast and Hess is the one that sets it all up and edits it, and broadcasts it and does all the work. I just show up on the green couch and chit chat. So welcome. Thanks for joining us. It's always a beautiful day in Kentucky, whether you're, it's raining or shining.

Hess:

So Delbert something that's been touching me,'cause I just got back from a really cool trip. We have a group of five couples, five gay couples. We are, we're tied together because we've known each other for 20, 25 years through the work we do. We're all certified. Imago therapist, one of us in the couple. I just got back from the Sunshine Coast of Vancouver, of British Columbia. into Vancouver, British Columbia meeting this group of friends. So I thought I'd like to talk to you, Delbert, and chat about these groups and friendships

Delbert:

because we've been friends since first grade. So one of the way you have your friend groups is through school for sure, and lasting friendships. But I think an interesting thing too about old friends is how sometimes you can drift apart. You're just, you're in your life and you raising your kids, your career, whatever you're doing, and then you come back together and it's. With really good friends. It's no time has passed. And I have so many friends like that and you're one of'em. And so lots of our friends are high school friends that we have. Our Barkley village is high school. And then I have another group of friends that I was talking to you about that I've been really tight with since high school and.

Hess:

Do y'all call each other? Do you have a name for yourselves there? Delbert.

Delbert:

We used to call ourselves the Yaya Sisterhood from the book, but lately Noni and I we both live on a street that belong, that begins with the letter H and so sometimes we have an HHH, which is a happy hour on our street.

Hess:

Yeah.

Delbert:

so we just renamed our group the HHH Club. We're all, but we're going to lake Nolan, which we do all the time and

Hess:

So one of you has a camp down there at Nolan Lake.

Delbert:

right. Kathy's got a lake house and a nice dock and a boat and it's just a great time to go down and, just relax, reconnect chat, be out on the water. And then we all, we take turns cooking just like we all do. But I was saying Hess, gosh, we're so lucky in Kentucky because a lot of our activities and friendships and groups and family things revolve around the water because we have so many beautiful lakes and rivers here.

Hess:

So about this group that I was just with, Delbert, we call ourselves the couples camp. And Maya Kollman, about 14 years ago she proposed like a group of us getting together and she put a bunch of different names out and four, four other couples, including my wife, Cathy, and I all said, yeah, let's do it. Thumbs up. Coming up with a date and a time. So we would meet from Thursday till Monday and my dad and stepmom had have a beautiful lake house down at Barkley Lake, and that's where we, that's where we started and that's where we held about a 11 of our couples camps there. And Susie, after my dad passed a couple years ago, the lake house was sold a year ago, March. And we couldn't go there anymore. So last year we went to New Jersey to Maya and Barb's Place. They have a backyard pool, so that gave us a place to sit around and chat. And she had enough space for all of us to be there at her house. There were some allergies involved which made it disconcerting for one couple. They stayed somewhere else because of that, and that can be hard. then this year the Canadian couple from Vancouver, because of what's going on now, they were afraid to come south across the border. And we said, okay, let's go up there. And they. All flew in to Vancouver and stayed one night at their house and then took the took two of their cars. She brought a van from a relative, and we took the van and another car. There were 10, 10 people total, and drove to the ferry and took this beautiful ferry, 45 minutes to Langley British Columbia, and then had about an hour drive

Delbert:

Wow.

Hess:

place. It's a place called Madeira Beach and, oh, just this house, Delbert. Can I tell you this about that,

Delbert:

me this about that.

Hess:

Tamara was a little bit, Now this was a wild story too, is one of Tamara, she's a therapist. One of her clients said yeah, I'll be gone that week. I'm going to the Sunshine Coast. Oh, where are you going? Madeira Beach. Oh, really? We're, we're we're gonna be going there. These she stayed in the same house that Tamara rented Renon, two weeks prior. Two weeks prior. Is that crazy? Or what?

Delbert:

Wow.

Hess:

Anyway, so when she got back, she said Tamara the house doesn't have a living room. And so Tamara thought, oh my gosh, there's no like living room space. Wow. There was a kitchen with a big table at it, and there was five bedrooms. And Tamara was like, y'all, I don't know. But when we got there, Delbert, there's this huge back patio that looks down on the water and it's just such a gorgeous view and a beautiful outdoor kitchen and a fireplace outside. So it was like perfect because that's the living space and I told them I'd rather be outside than in. And so this place is like perfect.

Delbert:

Yes. I prefer to sit outside. I get ya. I can, yeah.

Hess:

So anyway, yeah. Attraction to the water. So that's been a theme for our group and for our lives, Delbert, that we talked about being raised on the river that we're we gotta be around water.

Delbert:

Exactly. I met when I was in New York with one of my darlings. I met a couple from Chicago and they said, wow, you're from Kentucky. We've never met anybody from Kentucky before. What are you all you know, do? Are you all she goes, I think about Kentucky and think you all might be really into like hunting or something like that. And I said, no. I said, we grew up on the river we're most people that I'm friends with in, in my family, we're all about the water. People in Kentucky love boating and love fishing and I'm sure there's people who like to hunt and stuff too,'cause there's lots of land. But she was very surprised that people loved boating in Kentucky.

Hess:

Yeah, we have the Ohio River running across the whole north border from all the way to the east of Kentucky, Ashland, Kentucky, all the way down. All the way down to Cape Gerardo, in Missouri at the Western Kentucky point of Kentucky, that Ohio River. Runs that well, it runs I guess that's the Mississippi River down there by Cape Gerardo. But it goes all the way to, through Paducah and on past in west Kentucky.

Delbert:

We have eight, I think eight major rivers. And then we've got all together with all the bigger lakes and rivers. I think it's 65 lakes and rivers. So

Hess:

Wow.

Delbert:

lot of beautiful water, lot of land. And so one of our ways that we connect is on the water. Like we said. I'm getting ready to go to Lake Nolan with my ya Yas. My Yaya sisterhood my seven core friends from high school. And we do that, we try to do it two or three times a year and same.

Hess:

two or two or three times a year you go to No, to Lake Nolan.

Delbert:

Yeah. Yeah. And it's just so nice. And actually we even go in the winter, just sit out and look at them. The trees and the mountains around the lake, so it's just gorgeous and even if it's raining or snowing, it's just really nice to be there. It's like being on the lake and the mountains in the winter. So How do you pos we wondered all these different ways that we have friends and all these connections that we have. Let us know how you connect with people, who your friends are, where your friend groups are, what you all like to do, how you connect and stay connected to each other,

Hess:

Delbert when your daughters were young, I mean you had a lot of friends probably through, through their friends and parents of their friends. Is that right?

Delbert:

I did have friends from their school and their activities and things, and it's one of the things where you grow apart and then you'll see each other. It's no time has passed. My, my biggest friend groups right now are my work friends, which I was thinking they were new friends, but then I remembered that I've known'em for 21 years. So I was like, they're not that new. But just today I went to lots of pasta and I love that store very much. And there's a lady in there that we both love the salmon. She works there and we love the blackened salmon. And I said, Hey, salmon friend, when I was checking out. So she's just my salmon friend.

Hess:

Yeah. Yeah. That's cool. That's cool. And Delbert, I'm in a concert like four years ago. My, one of my, one of my friends from a parent of my son's best friend, Ian Lee Walton, she introduced me to this pickleball and I started going to Frankfort and playing pickleball. I'm at a concert about four years ago. Alicia Keys at Riverfront Riverbend in Cincinnati, and with the place sit seats like, I don't know. or 12,000, 8,000 or so, and we're, I'm sitting in this seat and the girl next to me had attended St. Peter Claver the same time that I was attending St. Peter Claver Catholic Church up here. And and anyway, she says, Hey Jess do you play pickleball? And I go. As a matter of fact, I am. And she said we play pickleball over here at our subdivision Meadowthorp. There's a bunch of us that live in Meadowthorp and there's a couple tennis courts. Why don't you join us sometime? So Delbert, I'm so blessed in the past three, four years that I have 12 new good friends and it's so beautiful. It's so amazing because. We share things that are going on in our life, the good times, the hard times, and so forth. And it just feels good to be to have new friends that you make at, I'm 67 years old that making new friends

Delbert:

still making new friends

Hess:

good.

Delbert:

and tell everybody about your friend that you all were all there for today. That's the great thing about me.

Hess:

One of the, one of the gals that plays pickleball, which knew her, she plays in this famous, she plays in this famous band up here in Lexington. The real world string band. She was the piano player for them. I'd been watching them for 35 or 40 years. And then here she is, she's on this pickleball in this pickleball group. But her sister had been sick for a long time that lives out in Tucson, Arizona. And she just texted us today that her sister passed, and more. And we're all able to be there for her, be there for the ups and the downs of her sister's journey too. Which is something,

Delbert:

it's a beautiful thing to witness and that's, that is what friendship's all about, being there for the ups and the downs and the good and the bad, and it feels good to be there for somebody, but it feels so good when people are there for you too. So such a nice two-way street.

Hess:

Yeah, for sure. We've always got something new to share, some new news, and we're also able to help each other during some of these harder times that we're experiencing. our nation, we're able to discuss and help each other and let each other know what things they're doing and we can do to feel like we're making a contribution. Yeah.

Delbert:

It's important to make contributions in really small ways.

Hess:

Yeah so this, these friendship things the friendship groups and new friendship people, like you're talking about your pasta your pasta friend your blackened salmon buddy. You know that we can learn these people's names and know more about'em. Even a singular person that we're meeting. Just today.

Delbert:

Exactly. And I should do that. I should do that. Really do enjoy making friends wherever I go to the grocery, or I really do to engage with people and tell'em I like their outfit or their shoes or their sunglasses or whatever it is, or, and I think it just, it lifts me up to, to see somebody smile and to make'em feel good.

Hess:

I always call people out by their name at Kroger's, hey, Mackenzie, how's your day going today? Or, I was walking into the paint store the other day and I said, is today gonna be a great day or what, yeah. always, my mom's always chatted up people in the checkout lines and she always modeled that for me. Nobody's a stranger, right?

Delbert:

Oh, yes. We are so fortunate. Our moms were like that. My dad was like that. And my grandparents were like that. Very chatty.

Hess:

Yeah. And one of, one, somebody that I have a great affinity for, because she's real chatty, never meets a stranger, is my friend Bonnie that's in this couples group with us. And once Bonnie and her wife Darcy went with us to The Bahamas. Bonnie might not be too good about being, directions and stuff. And we walk around on the island and there's a lot of different paths and it was her first time there. And and anyway, we run into people that say, oh, you are with Bonnie. Oh, okay. So you're staying at Bonnie's house.

Delbert:

Oh, that makes a lot of sense with me. I love Bonnie. I'm fortunate that Hess introduced me to her friends too.

Hess:

Yeah.

Delbert:

And yeah, I love Bonnie.

Hess:

so some of those people that mentor me to be just like an ambassador to, to open

Delbert:

need to get better about names. I really do. I like that you go in the store and say, hi, Mackenzie. Or, yeah, that's good. I need, yeah, I need to be better about that.

Hess:

And sometimes when it's a name I've never heard of, I'll say, Hey, where'd you get your name? Tell me the story. That's fun.

Delbert:

That is great. I love that.

Hess:

Yeah. Yeah. And know everybody, oh I'm listening to the Let them, book

Delbert:

Yeah.

Hess:

and she has a couple chapters about friends in there and be the first person to walk up to somebody and say, Hey, I just moved into the neighborhood. Hey, and be the one to walk up there first, like Bonnie does.

Delbert:

That's hard to do. I'm trying to tell my darlings to do that. They're teenagers and that's not so easy to do sometimes when you're young. I, I think if you can break through and try to be friendly, you'd be so surprised at how good it makes people feel. And I do think that we grew up in a time where there just were no strangers. I think we were talking about how growing up on my street, we used to invite all the neighbors over, charge'em money to get into this talent show that we put on, and then we charge'em money to get out, but my dad would say, the kids made a dollar 25 with their town show, and I, gave away$20 worth of booze, trying to get the neighbors to stay, serving cocktails. But they would all come over and sit on the patio and talk about the day. And back then you could talk about politics without getting in a fight. You just, it was just banter. It was, how's the day going, what's going on in the world? And, and then, we would say, excuse us. Yes, we're gonna perform. Now we'd stand up on top of the picnic table and sing some see you later, alligator or something like that. My dad was a disc jockey and he also sold records back in the 1950s and early sixties and worked at WKLO. Not really as a disc jockey, but back in the newsroom. And every once in a while he'd substitute, but he ended up with this huge 45 rec record collection and we would play him all the time and put shows on with him. It was so fun.

Hess:

Delbert, I never knew that about your dad.

Delbert:

You didn't know that about Big Stan before he got his real estate license. Yeah, and he loved music. So just a another real connector. He'd come home after work and sit in the. Living room and play his albums and his music. And that's why my song for the Barkley Village was a show tune. We love show tunes. Yeah. And, a lot of orchestra stuff. So yeah. And that's another way that we connect, right? Through music growing up, we'd go to concerts. Gosh, we had the best fans growing up. What was your first concert? Hess.

Hess:

Delbert, I think it might have been Al Green

Delbert:

Whoa.

Hess:

I forget the name of the gal from Sacred Heart I went with, but I thought when I went in and it was down at the ex exhibition center. And when we went in, thought I thought Al Green was walking in when I was,'cause all, there were all these different groups of people walking in with like formal dresses and tuxedos and stuff like that. And I thought, wow.

Delbert:

like, this must be him with his entourage.

Hess:

Yeah,

Delbert:

They were doing it right. Oh my gosh.

Hess:

up for him. Yeah. Yeah. Just love al Green.

Delbert:

I love him too. Dewey and I went to Joe Bauer, Dewey's dad took us to see Jesus Christ Superstar at the Brown when we were in eighth grade.

Hess:

Wow.

Delbert:

So if that doesn't count as a concert, then I also went with Dewey to see ZZ Top when we were a freshman. Yeah,

Hess:

When you were the next year, you

Delbert:

next year, freshman in high school went to ZZ Top at the Louisville Gardens. Yeah.

Hess:

Yeah. Yeah. I shared this story this past week with my couples camp people, is I have a, I have my ticket st stuffed for Elton John. It was$6.

Delbert:

my gosh.

Hess:

And this guy that I would ride around in the car with, he had an Austin, he had

Delbert:

Austin Healy.

Hess:

Yeah, he had some kinda sports car. I didn't like him too much but I liked the car and I liked driving around in the country and he said, Hey, do you wanna go to, do you wanna go to the Elton John concert with me? I have second row seats. And I go, sure. And anyway we were in the second row of Section B on the floor of Freedom Hall and there was a whole section of a in front of us, but I just took my. I just took my camera up to the front, next to the stage, and I got a picture of Elton John smiling at me,

Delbert:

Oh my gosh.

Hess:

Yeah,

Delbert:

What a great memory. What a great memory. And that's the other great thing about hanging out with friends. You can rehash your memories, talk about things you did together. So beautiful. Life is so beautiful. So many ways to enjoy it. And we wonder like podsters, what your favorite way is to make friends to, to enjoy your friends. How do you hang out? What do you do? Do you cook food together? Do you go to concerts?

Hess:

Yeah, so what we did with our couples camp is each couple will make a dinner one night, and Cathy and I used that nice barbecue grill outside that place up there in British Columbia and did our burgers and our baked fries. And then. It's really fun. Each couple making a dinner and we go, oh my God, this is so good. This is the best one yet. And then the next night, oh my gosh, this is so good. This is the best

Delbert:

Wow, you all are all good cooks. My, my dinner that I'm cooking tomorrow night is coming from lots of pasta. I got homemade pasta noodles from there and some homemade sauce. And I got some amisu and some little cannolis.

Hess:

Delicious, delicious.

Delbert:

Yeah. But, I said when I was checking out and they were slicing my bread, they have homemade bread that they slice for you. And I said I don't cook, but you all do.

Hess:

Yeah, you get to use the talent of

Delbert:

Yeah,

Hess:

form in

Delbert:

we gotta, yeah, We gotta rely on each other. We know. I'm like, tell me what you want me to bring.'cause you all know I can shop for it.

Hess:

Delbert the when we got together a year ago, March with the Barkley Village to do our little Brene Brown retreat at Lake Barkley. Karen from our high school was with that group and she's this magic chef and she's affiliated with the chef school in France. And so that's broadened me to, I'm gonna go with another friend of ours Mary Carol, to France next month to to go to Karen's chef school.

Delbert:

And that's another way to connect with people and you're get just do new things. Try a new class, try to cook. Who knows when I retire I might try to learn how to cook. Gardening clubs. I did take a flower arranging class with the Sacred Heart alumni when I was still on the board there, and that was so fun. The lady from Susan's florist did a flower arranging class. That was really just, so just try new things, friends, and, in these hard times, I think it's so important to find your joy. Find your group. Find your village or villages, if you're fortunate, you've got lots of friend groups, but you know what? You only need one good friend that listens to you and is there for you.

Hess:

Yeah. And in, in volunteering someplace, you can meet new people and new friends and doing philanthropy. So that's a cool place.

Delbert:

Yes. Oh my goodness.

Hess:

afraid, somebody needs you.

Delbert:

Yes. I have so many. I just thought about that. I was just a blessings and a backpack today. I have my Blessings friends and my Carol's kitchens friends. Yes. So fun. Life is so good. There's so many things you can do. Get out there and be part of it. That's really what friends do. They get you up off the couch. They get you out there and doing things and experiencing things and laughing and loving life.

Hess:

exactly. So think about that and go somewhere new and say hello to somebody. And just start.

Delbert:

somebody's day.

Hess:

Yeah, thanks for joining us today on our Sunday morning chat. We love you all and it talking with you, Delbert always makes me feel better, so hopefully you all listen in that you might feel a little bit of sunshine in your heart. I always do after I talk to Delbert. So

Delbert:

Right back and one of my favorite things to say is, we love you friends because you are our friends and we love you. Have a great week, peace and love.

Hess:

Peace and love.