Let Me Tell You This About That

Honor the Hard and Make a U-Turn toward Love

• Hess and Delbert • Season 1 • Episode 46

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Podcast 46!  Honor the Hard and Make a  U-turn towards Love

Hess and Delbert commiserate about the news headlines of the week.  People starving in Gaza, another school shooting, ICE holding people without cause.  It is tough and hard.  One of their classmates from Sacred Heart was the mother of the Minnesota shooter.  Their compassion goes out to her.  Hess finds solace in the words and wisdom of Buddhist practitioner Tara Brach.  “Don’t be dismayed by the brokenness of the world, all things break. And all things can be mended not with time as they say but with intention. So go, love intentionally, unconditionally.  Honor the hard.”  Delbert tells another story of her Papaw who on Labor Day made joy happen by thinking of a new paradigm.  Let’s go!  Let’s move to compassion and connection and weave a new world!  Peace and Love, and thanks for listening.

I am still collecting for José's cancer treatments. We are awaiting the next CT Scans that will tell you where he is after his second round of treatments. Thank you for your continued support!
https://gofund.me/e6f61999

In addition to being a podcast host, Hess is also an LCSW--if you'd like to learn more about her work as a therapist, check it out at www.jessicabollinger.com

One of her mission's is for all of our lights to shine--when we see each other and allow ourself to be seen--and we can say to the person in front of us, There You Are! the world will be an amazing place!

Delbert is a top realtor in Louisville, KY, and you can find her at Kentucky Select Properties She will help you find your home, and also help you get the most equity when you sell your house.

Her philanthropic work to continue her sister Carole and niece Meghan is Carole's Kitchen. Blessings in a Backpack helps feed the many hungry students in our schools. The instagram account is: https://www.instagram.com/caroleskitchen.nonprofit?utm_source=ig_web_button_share_sheet&igsh=ZDNlZDc0MzIxNw==




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Hess:

Hey you all. Thanks for joining us for our 46 podcast to let me tell you this about that. My name is Hess and I'm sitting in the white chair in my bedroom looking out the window to blue sky with little soft white clouds and the grass is still a hint of green. We need more rain. Come on rain. I'm doing rain dance.

Delbert:

I hope the rain dance doesn't take effect until after Monday HEss,'cause I'm trying to splash out a summer. I'm hitting all my pools this Labor Day weekend, so I'm I'm mourning the end of summer a little bit. And I'm here again. It's me, Delbert from the green couch. Oh my goodness. It was the most beautiful sunrise this morning. It was a pink swirl and just gorgeous day. I'm gonna go to Lakeside today with some of my Kentucky Select friends, and I went to Turner's yesterday with some of my Sacred Heart friends. But also, and so that's how I'm celebrating end of summer with Joy, but I was talking to Hess earlier this week and, i've got a lot on my heart this week. A lot of sadness. I continue to grieve about starvation in Gaza. This week was another horrible shooting in Minneapolis, Minnesota, and first and foremost, those children are on my heart. Went down a rabbit hole. To look at ways to help. And I donated to the Sandy Hook Promise Common Sense gun laws, and then I started looking at some of the children who survived. There's a little girl named Sophia Forchas I hope I'm saying her name right. It's F-O-R-C-H-A-S. And she's still in critical condition. There are a lot of GoFundMe's for a lot of the children that are still in the hospital there, if You wanna help. But we also do a lot of bragging about being from the class of 1976 at Sacred Heart Academy here in Louisville. And of our class members Mary Grace, it was her daughter that was the shooter. And have a lot of sadness on our heart this week, but we wanna say, Mary Grace, we're sending you love

Hess (2):

Yes.

Delbert:

and

Hess (2):

Yeah.

Delbert:

And that's all we can say.'cause we don't know what happened And we're, anybody that's making judgements, you, we're taught Hess and I grew up in the Catholic church and Christ tells us not to judge people. Let's save that. We don't even know. We don't even know what this family went through. So Mary Grace, we're sending you love.

Hess (2):

Mary Grace, we love you. We can't imagine what you're going through. We love you. And as a mom of two sons, I know I haven't done, we, we all it's, no we do the best we can and we know, and I know that you've done the best you can. We love you and ah. We're here to support you, send you love and peace. Delbert, I see the headlines today, like Gaza needs 500 trucks coming in with food every day. And they're getting, Israel is throwing gunfire at all the places where the food's being delivered and so on, and they're not getting near enough trucks coming in with food. There's been 150 children die of starvation there. Mothers can't. Can no longer nurse their little babies. And other headlines. Just looking at the Guardian newspaper this morning that people are being held in ice without bail. There's a firefighter that was on track for legal status. He was arrested close to the border. RFK, the head of our health for the United States says he's gonna fix a vaccine program by canceling compensation for people with injuries. That was one of the headlines. Pride Crosswalks are being erased. 500 workers at Voice of America are being laid off. And if our children aren't supported and loved and fed and taken care of. And given what they need, like just the pride crosswalk that who we are needs to be erased. Tho those are things that affect the mental stability of our children. And Robin was not in her right place when this happened. And we're gonna create more of those kind of things of acting out if we don't support people who they are and give them. All the support that they need and the mental health that they need and the rights that they deserve, and to be able to be seen and valued. We all have value. And so that comes back to what you said before, that we can't go to the place, to other, to blame somebody and to other somebody that never, ever helps solve anything.

Delbert:

Or to blame a group of people, and so when we talked about, this heavy topic this week. We also talked about, how do we turn that, how do we make a U-turn out of all of these headlines and all this that's going on in the world? How do we make a U-turn to our true selves? Because God designed us for joy. You were created to live in this world in your true form, which is joyful. Successful. Yeah,

Hess (2):

Yeah.

Delbert:

Fully alive is how you were designed. And so Hess has this wonderful meditation that she did and a tool. Do you wanna tell everybody about that Hass?

Hess (2):

I really I love Tara Brach. She's a Buddhist meditator philosopher psychotherapist. She gives a story in one of her recent podcasts that we can't forget this belonging, this full aliveness. That's our natural state, this belonging to our inner life, to this earth, to each other. She says that in this podcast and this conditioning of having to blame somebody else to this bad othering. It, it doesn't work. It doesn't it, it doesn't move to anything positive. So she tells this story in this, in her podcast about this, this fable that it's the it's about the human searching for truth, and it lies in a cave nearby, and we don't always find it because we are so distracted by the trance, by the anxiety, by the reactivity, and by the speed of these times. Inside the cave, there's an old woman weaving the most beautiful garment ever imagined. But now, and then she has to pause and go to the back of the cave and stir this huge pot of seeds that hold all the seeds of the earth. And if they're not stirred, the seeds will burn, and life itself vanishes. So while she's away, while she's in the back of the cave. A black dog slips in and unravels her weaving thread by thread until only chaos remains. And when she returns, she pauses, but it's not an anger. She comes into stillness, into presence, into deep inner listening, and then she picks up a thread. And in that thread, she envisions an even more beautiful garment, one that didn't exist before the unraveling. This is possibility. And the elders say, don't curse the dog, don't curse the dog. And she means if nothing fell apart, nothing new could be imagined. The old woman is the world, the dreaming force of the world. Imagining itself into something new and better. So yeah, we are in a dark night of the soul, and that's that's how we can turn something hard into something good. And I ask you Podsters, I asked Delbert if it would be okay if I highlighted this and it's Delberts story. When her sister was killed and her daughter and the neighbor daughter, when they were killed by the woman that was high on opioids that morning when they were on their way to school. That you all did hit that hard spot of that hard surface of despair, of loss. And you all sat with that and were with that. And then some of the positive outcomes that came out of that, of those deaths was that you were able to go after the doctor that prescribed all of those opioid medications for this woman. You went after him, he lost his license. You all went after the three pharmacies that, that, gave this woman these these prescriptions. And also a law was changed in West Virginia so that there's even tracking of when somebody gets prescriptions for narcotics so that someone can't keep doing that. So there is something. This some and Delbert, when you all talk about all of these times, you went back and forth as a family in this car and the restaurant that you would go to and the hotel you would stay at for all of these trials over the years. And it was a slug and it was a heave hut hoe, but the joy that you found in the people there and the connections that you made in the people there and the certain waiter or waitress or the people in the hotel. All of that was all turned, to this love, to this expansion of love and then these positive things that resulted so that more people aren't harmed by this narcotic.

Delbert:

You. Yeah, I, there was something that we talked about and and it's about, sorrow, fear, all of and all of those negative feelings that we can feel. And when we peel'em back right underneath there, we're sorrowful, we're fearful because we care. And when you unwrap that, that's compassion. and that's part of the U-turn, right? Because then you take that care and compassion and you turn it into good. And that's where you find your joy. That's where you turn to joy.

Hess (2):

Right.

Delbert:

hope I said that the right way.'Cause Hess is the one that told me that. And I I hold onto that all the time and it's how I've dealt with things in my own life. I've tried to do what we say at Carol's kitchen was we turned tragedy into legacy. And that is the only way I know. I believe that you can move forward a life that's fully alive and acknowledging the past, but moving forward in joy and compassion.

Hess (2):

And as we've spoken, the opposite of depression is connection and it's moving from that hard. Place into connection, into love, and I tell all my clients that if you're feeling any anxiety, if you're feeling depression, it feels bad. And that's dis-ease. Lack of ease. Ease is our natural state. Joyful liveness is our natural state, and that's being able to make the U-turn back to that. Tara goes on about talking more about this trance of bad othering, cursing the black dog that unraveled the quilt, right? That, that, that can fuel, that fuels our division. And the more that we're divided, the more we're disconnected, and the more we're disconnected, the more we move into lack of ease and moving away from joy, moving away from connection. Moving us more into addiction, isolation. Yeah. So we have to be free from blame and the practice of that. You turning inward with kindness to transform that anger, fear, and grief, and into care. And having that balance of I've heard it from Brene also and Tara quotes it, of having a strong back, but a soft front. And to cultivate the courage and tenderness in times of violence and hard times, we have to see the suffering beneath the harmful actions and allow us to meet others. Then with compassion, to have compassion for this black dog, to have compassion. There's something about this person that hurt so much. This person really can't feel good about themself if they're always criticizing and blaming someone else. And I tell my clients this that Blame and criticism, it comes out from discomfort and pain. There's discomfort and pain coming from this person. There's discomfort and pain coming from somebody that wants to take secret service away from Kamala Harris. Kamala Harris is about to start her book tour of her book, I think is something called like 181 days. That's how many days she had after she was nominated to be president for her tour. She's gonna be on the road and to not have her secret service. It's kinda saying, I don't care about you. I don't care if somebody bad comes up. I don't want you protected from bad people and. That's not good. So I just, I'm turning to compassion and love to somebody that feels so uneasy, that's in so much discomfort and pain that wants to put bad things out to other people. I wanna send love and put to your gold light out to anybody stopping all those trucks from going in to to take food to Gaza. Yeah. Hoo.

Delbert:

Ooh.

Hess (2):

Yeah, so the Broken World, Delbert, it waits for the light that's in you. That's the U-turn. Find the light in you.

Delbert:

All right. Shine a light in that crack of the broken world.

Hess (2):

Don't be dismayed by all the brokenness of the world. All things break and all things can be mended. Not with time, as they say, but with intention. So go love intentionally and unconditionally.

Delbert:

I have a funny story if we wanna, I Charlie story, about Labor Day. I went out to, dinner with my Aunt Katie, who just turned 83 for her birthday and she said, here's what I remember about Labor Day Mama Dorothy, as I've always told you all could make anything out of anything. And she made my mom Doty, my Aunt Judy and my Aunt Katie, these little outfits to be in this Labor Day parade,

Hess (2):

yeah.

Delbert:

And just pulling this from that, to create something. And of course my Aunt Katie said they were really cute and but then they found out last minute that they, if you wanted to be in this parade, you had to have these majorette boots. And they did not have money for three pairs of majorette boots. But Papa Charlie being Papa Charlie, he. Had just gotten some money from their landlady to put gutters on the house, put new gutters on the house. And so he just couldn't stand to see the kids disappointed. So he took that money he bought'em majorette boots and surprised them. And she said, you just don't know how joyful were to march in that parade with our majorette boots. She said, and then. Papa went out and found some scrap gutters I learned how to solder. We put'em all together soldered them and I learned how to solder'cause I love to help him. So Aunt Katie learned how to solder and they, they worked it out both ways, but that was his creativity, his love, his joy that, from all the sorrow that he saw in World War II and all the things we've talked about, that's how he would turn things around. And he did those types of things his whole life. always thinking about family, thinking about how to make people joyful and how to make'em laugh

Hess (2):

Yeah. Yeah.

Delbert:

that's my Labor Day story about Papa Charlie.

Hess (2):

I love that. I love that. I love that. And all the stuff we've heard in our pod about Papa Charlie I was making up in my mind as I was listening that he was gonna take the gutters and make little tops of boots to put over.

Delbert:

He could have probably done that. He could have.

Hess (2):

Would've.

Delbert:

but yeah, but they got the gutters, they still got the gutters. They weren't New, but,

Hess (2):

And they still got the parade. They got the parade.

Delbert:

to be in the parade. And that's what they remember,

Hess (2):

yeah. Yeah.

Delbert:

That he fulfilled that sweet little dream of theirs, and that's what we do for our kids. We just. try to turn everything that they wanna do into a reality, however hard it is, and.

Hess (2):

And I wanna, I'm gonna go back to physiologically, biologically in our body. Delbert, what joy is. Okay. And it's the neurobiology of it. And we have neurotransmitters, we have a few of'em that promote pos positive feelings, and those are called dopamine, serotonin, oxytocin, and endorphins. And the good news is that many changes to our lives can increase those neurotransmitter levels. For example, cuddling. Cuddling someone can release oxytocin. So how we could increase those. And I was listening to another podcast the Huberman Lab about. How we can get more dopamine. And we really, he was, they were doing the analyzation like, okay, you get this much dopamine from a cigarette, or you get this much dopamine from a blah, blah, blah. You actually get more dopamine when you're doing something difficult that you love. It's not about, climbing the wall and being able to touch the bell. It's the climbing the wall that's hard. Doing something that's difficult that you enjoy that releases the most dopamine. Now exercise re releases dopamine, but if you don't like to exercise, it doesn't release the same kind of dopamine. Okay? So you have to work at something that you love. And that's been something I've really discovered in my life that anything around us. That that we feel the most proud of or get the most joy from. It's'cause we had to work hard at it, we had to work hard at it. Your, your practice and my practice, in my twenty-six year practice of becoming a licensed clinical social worker, I've tried to learn everything I can that's gonna help my clients the most. And when my clients get up and smile and they say, thank you so much, I just feel so much better. I say, I just be thankful for the people that discovered this modality, that I've learned. And it's people, it's growing and learning. The most that we can and growing it into something. So just like your the way that you've worked with your clients, both selling, buying, and in their everyday life, whatever they're going through with their life, you're connected to them. That's what's made you a good real realtor. Delbert, the daily, it's the daily toil.

Delbert:

it is, and you're a wonderful therapist. I'm so thankful for therapist,

Hess (2):

yeah. It's sometimes we do need some medication. You all that, that you might need some medication. There might be some bad chemistry in your brain. You just need the appropriate medication to bump you up so that you can be at a level. To where you can reach for that joy. And I I suggest to some of my clients that need medication to go get there's some places you can get some genetic testing to find out exactly what medication's gonna be best for you. So that's a cool thing. Now, Delbert, that they can do genetic testing and go into your DNA to see what's gonna be best. That's cool.

Delbert:

That

Hess (2):

cool. Yeah.

Delbert:

we want all of you out there pods to live in your joy, be your best selves To head into this, end of the year, we're going to transition into fall soon, the harvest time of the year and gather Brought us and think about it. I wanted to do a little bit of housekeeping.

Hess (2):

Yes.

Delbert:

My cousin Tony Smith always listens, so shout out to Tony. Tony wanted to tell us that the confluence of the Ohio and Mississippi is actually in Cairo, Illinois. He's been there. It looks like a beautiful place on the map, and now it's become a bucket list for me. So thank you Tony. He's he's the son of my aunt Katie, so you know how much more awesome can you be? He actually, that was made famous in the novel Huckleberry Finn. That's why he went there. I think so.

Hess (2):

Awesome. Awesome. Yeah.

Delbert:

So we hope you all go out and have a wonderful Labor Day weekend, finish out summer, and live in your joy, live in your true self.

Hess (2):

Yeah. Yep. Jump in that pool. The last time before they drain at Delbert.

Delbert:

You know that I'm going to.

Hess (2):

Yeah. Yeah. So peace and love. We love you all and we can do this. We're here in this together.

Delbert:

We love you friends. Peace and love.