Let Me Tell You This About That

Run Towards It!

• Hess and Delbert • Season 1 • Episode 47

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Episode 47!  Run Towards It!

Hess and Delbert were inspired this week by the passing of the mother of one of their classmates from Sacred Heart.  Maureen Walker was a musician, a teacher and a family counselor in Louisville Kentucky—also she was Delberts senior year cheerleading coach. She had a private practice in Louisville for 40 years.  She would see a need, and fill it.  It is what all of us must do. One step at a time. We take what we have experienced, oftentimes something that is very difficult, and we move forward to a change that would be better for others.  We feel the fear and run towards it. What can be done different? How can things be improved?  Our experiences are important, they guide us to the next best step.  Peace and Love, we believe in you, we hear you!  Run towards it!

I am still collecting for José's cancer treatments. We are awaiting the next CT Scans that will tell you where he is after his second round of treatments. Thank you for your continued support!
https://gofund.me/e6f61999

In addition to being a podcast host, Hess is also an LCSW--if you'd like to learn more about her work as a therapist, check it out at www.jessicabollinger.com

One of her mission's is for all of our lights to shine--when we see each other and allow ourself to be seen--and we can say to the person in front of us, There You Are! the world will be an amazing place!

Delbert is a top realtor in Louisville, KY, and you can find her at Kentucky Select Properties She will help you find your home, and also help you get the most equity when you sell your house.

Her philanthropic work to continue her sister Carole and niece Meghan is Carole's Kitchen. Blessings in a Backpack helps feed the many hungry students in our schools. The instagram account is: https://www.instagram.com/caroleskitchen.nonprofit?utm_source=ig_web_button_share_sheet&igsh=ZDNlZDc0MzIxNw==




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Hess:

Hey, thank you so much for joining us to, let me tell you this about that. My name is Hess. I'm in Lexington, Kentucky, sitting in a white chair at my bedroom window. Looking out the window, Delbert, and it's a, it's like a blue sky. With little soft white clouds and there's more faint of green. The green's a little stronger because Thursday morning we had a nice rain all morning long. It had been like six weeks since we'd had rain, and so things are starting to green up a little more. That's where I am Delbert.

Delbert:

Good morning podsters. I'm as always on the green couch looking out the big picture window. And this morning when I woke up, it was little gray overcast here in Louisville, Kentucky, and I went and put my coffee on and. I came back out to look, there was a little bit of pink and purple shining through little swirl coming out, and now it is a, it's gray and blue, but there's patches of that beautiful golden sunshine through. So there's the weather forecast from Louisville, Kentucky, the unofficial. I think it's gonna be a great day and as I say, I always think it's gonna be a great day today, we had a life event again with a friend from Sacred Heart Academy. One of our friends that was part of the 1976 basketball team Colleen Walker was the manager her mom passed. This past week, and I was fortunate. I, she was my cheerleading coach at Sacred Heart and I got to to her funeral. I knew Colleen, she was the class behind us and she's also worked with me in real estate. And then her younger sister, Shannon, was in my sister Carole's class at Sacred Heart. Just this, an extraordinary woman that was her mother, Maureen Walker. Many people and Louisville know her. She was a. A therapist, family counselor for many years, but also before that, a teacher mathematics. She also helped form the curriculum for Jefferson County Public Schools for mathematics. She just had a brilliant mind and I think one of the things I said to Colleen was, she was a Renaissance woman. She was just this incredible person. So today, talking about ordinary people extraordinary things. Is Our inspiration and then important your job is, has, you're being a therapist, a counselor, psychologist, psychiatrist, that how important roles are in our lives.

Hess:

Yeah, so ordinary people doing. Doing really positive things that, that Colleen said they wouldn't go anywhere in Louisville. They'd be at Cunningham's restaurant and people would come up and say, Maureen, you saved my life. Maureen. You saved our family. And what I just I dove in. Delbert in, in, in Mor Maureen's obituary. It says that she was born in 37, married in 58, and in 1970 she was divorced. And in getting divorced in the Catholic church was not common. My parents divorced like in 1974. I didn't know anybody else in my class whose parents were divorced, but Maureen, she had the courage and she forged a new path for herself and her two daughters who survive her and. She forged this new, forged this path. She was an educator. She was into music. She was a gifted teacher, natural leader. And when she was working Delbert, when she would work with students, she would see that something's going on. They're coming from some kind of home. And this child that's in her class, this child that's in front of her, this student, she would know that things aren't well, things aren't good. This in this student's life, which makes this student show up in this way. Just like you with food. If a child doesn't have food in their stomach, how are they gonna study? If a child has chaos in their home how can they study? She went back to school and she ended up getting, going into a certain type of. Therapy work and which was the Bowen Family System theory. She was schooled and educated in Georgetown outside Washington DC and she studied this Bowen Family Systems theory, which would help strengthen this whole family and help the dynamics. It just wasn't this one student that needed things thrown at them. It was changing things in their home and new dynamics in the home. So it was amazing what all she did and Delbert when we were talking earlier, it's kind like you go along in your life. And then you see a need that needs to be filled, and then you take some steps towards that and take some more steps forward. And then you're on this new path where you're gonna do something and help somebody.

Delbert:

It is she noticed a need in her students when she was teaching high school and just did a deeper dive into that. And educated herself this. I think it's so interesting I looked up the Bowen Family Center and that's where contributions go in memory of Maureen because she just believes so much in it. the Bowen Center for the Study of Family. And it's a whole theory that this Dr. Murray Bowen developed. And it is about the family as an emotional unit. So it's about the whole thing. When something, and we all know that when something affects one of us, it affects all of us. Sometimes there's this person that's controlling things in the family because of whatever's going on with them and how do we stay together, support that person and continue to be a good functioning unit,

Hess:

yeah it goes in and finds where the unhealthy dynamics are.

Delbert:

right,

Hess:

and helps that which then can Ali eliminate any of that triangulation that can go on. And so you get a healthier, more open communication and all the relationship there in the family.

Delbert:

So always teaching her whole life. I'll tell you. A funny story about how I met her and she was just this force, right? She was just a force of nature. She probably would've been a concert, performer, she was such a great musician and played the piano her whole life. And walked to school every day in Portland. That's a neighborhood in Louisville, down by the river. And played the organ at St. Cecilia's Church every day. Which I can just see her doing that. She was such a force of nature. But Sacred Heart, we never had a cheerleading coach. Like the teams all had a coach and it was always Bunny, right? Bunny Doherty coached everything, at Sacred Heart, but we did our own thing. We were just like. We would make up our cheers and, and so when it came time for a pompom routine that year, 19 75, 76 season, we did our pompom routine to ZZ tops looking for some tush and we premiered it Trinity High School Gym Against Assumption, our Arch Rival Assumption High School. and we've got our backspace in the. The audience, and that song comes on and we're like shaking our booties. And I remember all the nuns came to the really big games, so they're all sitting in the front and they're like, I think they need a cheerleading coach. Yeah. Yes. And so she came in she did it. She coached the JV and the varsity.'cause her youngest daughter, Shannon, was on the JV just came in and completely transformed us. We went from being a ragtag bunch to, she had us, won district, then we went to regional. We came in second in regional, so we didn't get to go to state, but that we just transformed. She had us doing double sessions and being really precision and straight and, and she just whipped us into shape. So she was just such a force of nature. She took us from, looking for some tush to the way to come and run her up in regionals. And I just, and so from that relationship, every time I saw her I always she'd be in a restaurant. I would just go up and say, Hey, Ms. Walker, how are you? She was, you were just attracted to her. And my Aunt Katie, when she got divorced, went to Maureen as the counselor. And she, we sat together in church at her funeral and Katie said, she saved my life. I'm sitting here in church and telling you she saved my life.

Hess:

Wow.

Delbert:

what an incredible. Incredible person and we're telling you this story pods'cause we wanna inspire you to the most extraordinary person that you can be. Whatever life throws you, think about how you can transform it,

Hess:

When you see a need run to it.

Delbert:

right? Run.

Hess:

Yeah. And it's because of what you've gone through, that you are gonna feel the energy that something needs to happen here. So I'll speak for myself. Delbert, a child of divorce. I think my mom might, you might say she's even still bitter that she's, that my dad divorced her up to this day. And. I was in something that happened to me. Something happened to me comparable to that a separation and a child was involved and it really hurt me so much that a child was put in this situation. So I went back to school at 36. I thought to myself, I wanna help couples so that children don't get put in the middle. So it's because of something that happened to me that made me wanna run towards what can I do to help other people? We had a, we had a boarder at the farm here. Joanne Bell, one of the smartest people I know I've ever met, she'd read about seven newspapers a day. She was a professor of social work at uk and she said, let's sit down and let's talk. And then she asked me like, what do you see you wanna do? And I told her, I said, I wanna see myself working with couples so that kids don't get put in the middle of relationship problems. And she says, okay. And she said I think going. To the Master's of Social Work program would be the quickest way for you to get there and that, and so then I went and applied for a Master's of social work and got in and finished that. And then you can study what you need to study to fine tune your skills. But yeah. And so that's what I, that's what I got into. And'cause I saw a need. And Delbert, you told me a story the other day, if you wouldn't mind me repeating. Is that because of what you went through with your sister in the accident? You, you were in a car with your nephew, Jonathan

Delbert:

No Christopher

Hess:

Christopher. Excuse me.

Delbert:

That's.

Hess:

Yeah. Christopher, you were in the car with Christopher Carole's son, and you were driving along the road, you saw a van down in the gully all flipped over down there and Christopher looked at you and what did he say?

Delbert:

He said, us being who we are and what we've been through he said, we've gotta, we've gotta get out and towards that.

Hess:

Yeah.

Delbert:

you're right. And we parked, pulled the car over and and we had a pizza too. So we knew our pizza was gonna get cold. We got out. And towards the van and it was empty, and we were so relieved that was just a vacant car that had an accident and the people were safe. But I just thought how brave he was to remind me you run towards it. Don't run away from it. Run words that when you can be a helper. Don't put yourself in harm's way, but you've gotta be. Ready to run towards your fears, right? The things that scare you the most. Car accidents give me trauma no matter if they're just minor or major, because that's how Carol Meghan passed. I have to be willing to face that and run towards it And and then, just carrying out Carole's mission. To feed people. She was passionate about being families, being around the table and not all families are fortunate enough to be around the table. Like Ms. Walker kept her girls tight, she kept them around the table. And I try to do that with my darlings and my children and my son-in-law. Keep'em tight, keep'em around the table, but out to other people and try to help them stay around the table.

Hess:

So it, it seems like that's how ordinary people do un-ordinary things and move towards the greatness. Just one little step at a time where you see a need and in Maureen's life how she said from every little step with some adaptation to seeing something that needed to be done. And she do it. And then she'd do that well, and then she'd see the next thing that would need to be done. When she taught math she created the whole system that mathematics was the whole mathematics structure or something like that for Jefferson County Public Schools. She didn't just go into a class and teach math. She saw something that could be different.

Delbert:

Exactly. Yeah. It's so beautiful. What a beautiful way to live your life. full force. Just I see it as just living your life and always pushing forward and full force. Yeah. And so we just wanted to talk to you pods about this today so we could tell you, go for it. Go for it. Live your life in full force. Become extraordinary, and think about the obstacles that are in your way right now. could actually be a possibility that are actually maybe just an opportunity waiting for you to open it up and go at it full force. Run towards it.

Hess:

And that's the way positive change happens. And it's good for, it's good for more than just you. It's good for a lot of people when you see something that could be made better. Yeah, and so it was Delbert. I called Colleen. Colleen was the manager of our basketball team, and seeing where Colleen is now in her life, it makes so much sense that as a high school student, she became the manager of our state basketball team because she's just so businesslike and just this,

Delbert:

so organized. Yeah.

Hess:

Organized. It was so fun hearing about her life. I wanted to know more about her mom and more about Colleen's life. And she said her mom, they, that there, there needed to be a book written. There's so many, there's so many Maureen's, Maureen Iss that, that her mom would say. And I was like tell me some of them. And she says one of'em is like, when you say something, she'd say, I hear ya. And and she said she'd say that to us so much. We go and then what? I hear you. And then what, and you said your aunt Katie says, I hear you. And

Delbert:

yes. From

Hess:

maybe she got.

Delbert:

She says it. And I never said anything afterwards because I was just so glad to be heard. So that's how business like Colleen is. She just wants to know the next step, and I'm just satisfied knowing. Oh, good. I'm heard. Oh, that's good enough for me. Okay. I

Hess:

Yeah but just your Aunt Katie and hey Aunt Katie. I know you listen to these that Aunt Katie picked up from the work she did

Delbert:

Oh yeah.

Hess:

that

Delbert:

yeah,

Hess:

passed that on. She says, you.

Delbert:

Yeah. She says it to me. I hear you. And and I say it to people too, so it just spreads like wild f goodness, fire,

Hess:

Yeah,

Delbert:

not a wild flower, but it could spread like a wild flower.

Hess:

let's say that it spreads more like a wild flower than a.

Delbert:

Fire. Fire. Yeah. That's even we made up a new saying. It's better. But yeah, I say it too because I do think it's important that people know that they're heard and I guess the next step is just whatever life presents us, I'll help you tackle it together. We're just human beings helping each other out. the

Hess:

Yeah.

Delbert:

and we say this all the time, just doing the next right thing, the next right thing.

Hess:

Yeah. Even though it might be tough, and then sometimes you gotta feel the fear and then you gotta run towards your fear, run towards that van, run towards.

Delbert:

Towards that family counseling, because what'll keep you together. And think about, Ms. Walker, I think about, she reminds me so much of my great-grandmother, Susie, and no, but we didn't call her mama or grandmother or anything. We just called her Susie. Boom, she ran things. And back in the 1930s when my great-grandfather died the priest came to her house and told her she could not raise four children on her own, that she needed to let him take'em to. An orphanage and Susie

Hess:

Okay,

Delbert:

Yeah.

Hess:

on. Hold on a second. This is a really important story. Listen up. So your great-grandmother's name is Susie, and she's such a force, y'all called her Susie and her children. She lost her husband. How did she lose her husband?

Delbert:

Harry, he just had some kind of congenital heart, condition that they didn't know about. And he was a meter reader for LG and e, that's our local power company, Louisville Gas and Electric. And he was just out working one day. And and he had a heart attack and died, at work just unexpectedly. And she so profoundly sad. They were very in love and Susie was very sad. When the priest came to her house and told her that her kids had to go to an orphanage, she told'em to get out. And she held onto those kids tight. And it just reminds me so much of Ms. Walker, she just, said, this may be the norm, but it's not my norm. And I'm gonna, I'm gonna do what I know and my heart is right, not what people are telling me to do. But when I know my heart is right, I'm gonna hold onto these children, I'm gonna work, I'm gonna make it work somehow. And she took in laundry and she cleaned houses and eventually I think she got a job at either Brown Foreman or Reynolds Tobacco. I think she worked at both, but I can't remember which factory job she got. That was a breakthrough. Got made more money come in for them once the Little older, but, and. She was just that strong force that reminded us, keep your family tight, keep it tight, Have to do to keep everybody. And I always think, when I think about that story, I think about, if my grandmother had not grown up with that strong sense of self, how different my life would be. I, she used to say, for the grace of God, go, I, and I think I said that yesterday or last week, about our friend Mary Grace. They're for the grace Go. I, yes. Strong role models. So important to hold onto them, hold onto those lessons and be the force in life that, that they were.

Hess:

Amen to all that. Delbert. Amen to your great-grandmother, Susie. So awesome. A, as I'm looking at Maureen's obituary she went on to get trained in, at Georgetown University in DC and became a clinical member of the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy, and she became a Kentucky Board Certified Marriage and Family Therapist, and her license number was seven. She was the seventh.

Delbert:

Oh wow.

Hess:

Yeah. Yeah. So then she retired from public school teaching and opened her own private practice Walker Counseling services, and she served the Louisville community for more than 40 years, and she became, her office, became a refuge and a healing, and a, in growth for individuals, couples and family, families, navigating their deepest struggles. Yeah. Yeah. So she took her ability to help. Others access their inner strength. And it was her being, her belief that healing is always possible. So then that spreads, and I've done it in the same, in same in my practice. Delbert, I'm like. I telling my couples like all the positives, and that sometimes I'm the only one holding that and I'm the only one seeing that.'cause they're like in a trench and they're reactive. I up here and I say, okay, this is what I see. And I hold the best things of both of them and how they are together. Sometimes I just hold that and when they can't see it. Yeah.

Delbert:

You're running down in the trench showing'em what they got. That's right. You're running towards it

Hess:

Yeah. Uhhuh. Uhhuh. Yeah. Yeah. So something that was on the, you went to the service and on the program was the rules of being human. This is one of the many articles that Maureen would share with everybody. So these are 11 rules for being human, and it was written by Robert Lewis house. And so this was something that was important enough that Maureen always went back to it, that they thought it was important to put on the program for her funeral. And the first one, let's read'em, Delbert. That sound good?

Delbert:

Let's do

Hess:

11. Okay,

Delbert:

love that there's not 10. I love that there's 11.

Hess:

11 rules of being human. Number one, you will receive a body. You may like it or hate it, but it will be yours for this entire period, this time around.

Delbert:

Number two, you will learn lessons. You are enrolled in a full-time informal school called Life. Each day in this school, you will have the opportunity to learn lessons. You may like the lessons or you may think them irreverent and stupid.

Hess:

Number three, there are no mistakes, only lessons. Growth is a process of trial and error Experimentation. The failed experiments are as much a part of this process as the experiment that ultimately works.

Delbert:

Number four, a lesson is repeated until learned. Boy, ain't that the truth. A lesson will be presented to you in various forms, until you learn it and when you've learned it, you'll go on to the next lesson.

Hess:

Number five, learning lessons does not end. There is no part of life that does not contain its lessons. If you are alive, there are lessons to be learned.

Delbert:

Amen. Keep learning. There is no better than here. When your there has become here, will simply obtain another there and that will again look better. Than here.

Hess:

Grass is always greener, right?

Delbert:

Oh yeah.

Hess:

Number seven, others are merely mirrors of you. You cannot love or hate something about another person unless it reflects something you love or hate about yourself.

Delbert:

a good one. Number eight, what you make of life is up to you. You have all the tools and resources you need. What you do with them is up to you. The choice is yours,

Hess:

Number nine. Your answers lie inside you. The answers to life's questions lie inside you. All you need to do is look, listen, and trust.

Delbert:

number 10. You will forget all of this. Must be the questions they give you in heaven right before you're born.

Hess:

Number 11. You can remember it whenever you want.

Delbert:

Yeah. Awesome. Love it.

Hess:

Yeah,

Delbert:

it. Yeah. That was a very emotional day for me. And Colleen and Shannon, if you're listening, such a beautiful job. They wrote letters to their moms that they, to their mom that they read, and we love you. We love you both.

Hess:

Yeah. Pretty crowded. Church dolbert.

Delbert:

Oh, yeah. Yeah.

Hess:

Yeah.

Delbert:

Epiphany, the church that Father Flynn started.

Hess:

Oh yeah.

Delbert:

It's all, it's a beautiful. Glass, church all, and you can just see nature all around you when you're in this church. You're just surrounded by nature. And they found the land for that church on the Feast of the Epiphany, just the Louisville history for you. Okay.

Hess:

Yeah. Yeah. I got a quote, Delbert, and it's

Delbert:

Good.

Hess:

it's I took it from the Maria Shriver Sunday page this morning and I thought, okay, this is good. It's by Emily Dickinson.

Delbert:

I love her.

Hess:

Hope is the thing with feathers that perches in the soul and sings the tune without the words and never stops at all.

Delbert:

Whoa.

Hess:

Yeah,

Delbert:

That's a great one. That's a great one. Friends, we love you and we want you to

Hess:

and.

Delbert:

this week extraordinary. Go out there and be the best you can be. Just face everything full on full force.

Hess:

Run towards it. Run towards it. We love you, peace and love and talk to y'all next week.

Delbert:

Peace and love.