Let Me Tell You This About That

Unity--We are all in this together

• Hess and Delbert • Season 1 • Episode 48

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Unity—We are all in this together  Our 48th podcast!

It’s been a week where hard things have happened.  Delbert and Hess want to do a U-Turn like we talked about last week, and to move into Unity—.  We are better when we cross the bridge into the other’s world. Put good energy and love out there.  Be the sparkles on the wall—like Hess has her window covering that the light reflects rainbow colors on the wall—like Delbert’s sandals with shiny crystals that reflected sparkles around the house she was showing—Do your best to put some good energy and love out there!  You will feel better in that space!  It is all of us individually—in our differences that make life the wonderful place that it is. See it and be it!  Thanks for listening.  Give us a like, give us a review, and share this with your friends. 

I am still collecting for José's cancer treatments. This week José received radiation in his lower spine every day. We are awaiting the next CT Scans. Thank you for your continued support!
https://gofund.me/e6f61999

In addition to being a podcast host, Hess is also an LCSW--if you'd like to learn more about her work as a therapist, check it out at www.jessicabollinger.com

One of her mission's is for all of our lights to shine--when we see each other and allow ourself to be seen--and we can say to the person in front of us, There You Are! the world will be an amazing place!

Delbert is a top realtor in Louisville, KY, and you can find her at Kentucky Select Properties She will help you find your home, and also help you get the most equity when you sell your house.

Her philanthropic work to continue her sister Carole and niece Meghan is Carole's Kitchen. Blessings in a Backpack helps feed the many hungry students in our schools. The instagram account is: https://www.instagram.com/caroleskitchen.nonprofit?utm_source=ig_web_button_share_sheet&igsh=ZDNlZDc0MzIxNw==





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Hess:

Welcome everybody to let me tell you this about that. My name's Hess and I'm sitting here on the farm and Delbert, I'm not in my white chair in the bedroom. In my office was, is the room next door, which is on the east side of the house. So I have the sun, it's a little bit higher up in the sky this morning when we're talking. It's a little higher in the sky. And I have these arch windows and these, the, I have this stuff covering the windows so that when the sun comes up, comes through there, it makes rainbows on the wall. So I'm sitting here at my desk with rainbows on the wall next to me, and it's just. Beautiful. We need more rain. We need more rain. So do rain dances. It's after Labor Day, Delbert, so the pools are closed. We can have more rain now. Okay.

Delbert:

All right. Yeah. Okay. And I'm so sad about the pools being closed, but I'm Delbert as always on the green couch, looking out the big picture window. It's another beautiful day in Louisville, Kentucky. There's your unofficial weather forecast. Talking about prisms and rainbows. You know how I love sparkly shoes? And I was showing a house yesterday and I had my sparkly sandals on, and we walked into this room and just a million prisms like lit up on the wall. And the people like, whoa. And I'm like we're having a, an experience. she's what is that? And I'm like, it's my shoes. And they just burst out laughing. But anyway, it was special. It was very special.

Hess:

Your shoes made the sparkles on the wall, just the light shining off your shoes coming through the window.

Delbert:

Uhhuh. Uhhuh.

Hess:

That is cool that they, that probably made'em enjoy that house even more.

Delbert:

Yeah. Hey, it might have sold it, I don't know. Today Hess

Hess:

What do.

Delbert:

talking. We're gonna talk about unity today because boy, do we need it, right? I've had to take a little break from social media, I wanna encourage Podsters. If you go on, let's try to share things that are positive, like nature or son's soccer score or whatever it is, music, things that bring us together a good recipe, whatever. Let's, let's take a break from being divided. Let's, we wanna talk about unity today because our country and our world needs it so very bad. Okay.

Hess:

We're more alike than not alike. We're beautiful in each of our individual selves. There you are, and who you are. Adds so much to this world and makes this, that's what makes Unity. What go ahead and say what you were saying about the candles. People light at a wedding.

Delbert:

yeah. When I think about Unity, I always think about a wedding. When the two families, two, two people who belong to two different families who may have separate views, separate visions, they go up, and they light two candles and they light one. A symbol of unity, a symbol of, and unity is not. That we're all the same. In Christianity, it's about being a one body in Christ through shared faith, love, and purpose. Despite differences. It's a state of deep harmony and fellowship interdependence among believers. The key aspects are humility, love, mutual care. service and the pursuit of peace. So whatever your religious beliefs are I know that those are some, those are core things in every religion. We just happen to be raised Catholic. I just wanted to go back to a real basic thing and talk about how can we come together because we do all love our country. We love it, and that's why we're getting all up in a frenzy about it because we love it. But remember that freedom is getting up every day and going to work or going to whatever our activity is for the day. And without fear. We need to be fearless and remember that ordinary people. Who refuse to give up are what our country's built on, and in every conflict what has saved our country.

Hess:

And it is all of our individual. selves that, that contribute to that country. All of the differences it's a big pot of soup. Delbert, I'm picturing a big pot of vegetable soup and it just doesn't taste like green beans. It tastes like the melding of all of the different tastes that are in that soup.

Delbert:

Exactly. Exactly.

Hess:

Yeah.

Delbert:

Share a vegetable soup recipe on social media Or stone soup. Remember the guy that came into town and it was a scam, but everybody came out and made something together and I think it was the beginning of potluck.

Hess:

A Kentuckian poet. Author who I really love. He has a farm in Henry County, Kentucky that he farms using livestock. No tractors or anything. He says, this belong to your place by the knowledge of the others. Who are your neighbors in it. The old man, the sick and the poor. The heron who comes to fish in the creek. Yeah. Yeah. Wow. Yeah. So Unity come together with love with good intention, with like in, let me tell you, let me tell you this about that. Can I do that Delbert?

Delbert:

Hess, that's what we're here to do, tell

Hess:

Yeah.

Delbert:

about that.

Hess:

I got interested in a type of relationship work I've been trained in since 1999 now, and it's called Imago, and it was called Imago because that's the Latin word for image. That, that we're attracted to, who we're attracted to, because we're attracted by familiar love, by familiarity. But then when we get into this relationship, instead of it being in the first part of the relationship, it's symbiotic. It's kind you're in love with yourself because you feel so fully alive in the first part of the relationship, and then it flips after there's a commitment. You kinda go into this wait a second, you put your protective cage on because you realize you're being triggered that there's this other that's in the relationship with you. Okay? Because, and that's really a healthy relationship. are two fully alive, differentiated people. And it's in that relationship of the other that we really can get better with ourself too, because we and Imago teaches you these really beautiful ways. One of them is the intentional dialogue where you're crossing the bridge into the other person's world and you just suspend your world for a little bit. As you cross the bridge and the other person's the sender, you're the receiver and you mirror back what the other person says. You set aside your reactivity, you set aside thinking that you're at fault and so on, or blah, blah, blah, blah. You're just. Crossing the bridge to the other person's world and the other person's perspective. And it doesn't mean that you eliminate yours, you still have yours. It doesn't mean the other person's right you're wrong or that you're right, they're wrong. It's just another point of view. And that is, instead, it creates this unity of the differences. Of being able to have the sacred space of the between. I have goosebumps right now, Delbert when I'm talking about it. And my wife Cathy Dialogued with me when our son, Lucas, was like two or three years old, she said she was the sender and across the bridge in her world. And she said, I know you raised Catholic for 35 years. And I just would like Lucas to be exposed to other faith. And I remember in school Delbert, we did have classes and in, in our Catholic schools, discovering another faiths and

Delbert:

That's one of the things I loved about growing up Catholic in the sixties and seventies is the nuns exposed us to. All sorts of faiths. We learned a lot about the Jewish faith because Jesus was Jewish. But in high school we learned about Buddhism, Hinduism, We really took a deep dive and I love that part of our education for sure.

Hess:

Anyway, back to this dialogue with Cathy. It wasn't like all of a sudden we were gonna choose a different church, and she said, you don't have to change. You don't have to not be Catholic. I just wanna expose Lucas to something else. And that ended up leading us to a place of a mutual, church. Church that we've attended now for 23 years, the Unitarian Universalist Church. And what's cool about that, as I was thinking about unity this morning, is that. It, you don't have to believe anything to belong the Unitarian Universalist church. You could be Christian, you could be Jewish, you can be agnostic, you can be so on, you can be Buddhist and so on. It's, everybody can belong because it's about community. So the difference always is so beautiful because it creates a more interesting, beautiful community.

Delbert:

That's

Hess:

That's what.

Delbert:

that. Yeah. And you love your church. I love how much you love your church. That's beautiful.

Hess:

Yeah. So it's about unity. It's about the unity of differences. Yeah. And yeah you all that, I want to encourage you with what Delbert said, like how can you con, how can you contribute just to, to show us that we're more like than not alike now, everybody. Everybody loves good food. Share that good recipe. Everybody loves love. Share some love.

Delbert:

Today I'm thinking about what happened in Louisville this weekend is bourbon and beyond. 200,000 people come together to listen to music.

Hess:

Oh my LANs. And they had seven stages or something.

Delbert:

Yeah it's fantastic. Yeah. And it brings people from all over, they come together and listen to all these bands and celebrate all the things Kentucky has to offer bourbon and beyond. And brings a lot of commerce to Louisville. And I'm just so proud. And, it's been so beautiful and peaceful. The weather's been great. Everybody's just out there dancing together. They're not asking each other what they believe or, they all believe in the power of music and the power of being together and being united. So it's just one instance that's happened this weekend. That's, it's uniting.

Hess:

I love that. I love that example. They're all listening to the same beat, right?

Delbert:

absolutely. Absolutely.

Hess:

So we always have in the background this beautiful beat of the world and all the miracles that are going on and the miracle of people and individuals and to to just let yourself see that. Let yourself see that and be that. Love that a friend of mine posted on Facebook this morning, Priscilla. I see out there, baby. She's doing yoga at the new Gatten Park on the stage. There a whole group of people doing yoga together.

Delbert:

See, and nobody's fighting. And just like your imago, I've got a core group of friends who we're probably evenly divided in our political affiliations and the day. After the election or maybe a week or so after who voted a different way came and spent the night with me so they could visit their parents that were in an assisted living. And I just said, I just wanna listen to you. I wanna listen to why you voted the way you voted, Wanna hear you. I wanna hear you And understand.

Hess:

And so you listened, and then that friend listened to you too, right?

Delbert:

Yeah. And we didn't solve anything except one person at a time listening and understanding and saying, even though we differ, we're in the same boat together. You row this way, I'll row that way. We'll get there, we'll get there.

Hess:

Yes.

Delbert:

thinking about my mama and papa. I talk about them a lot. And I always talk about my great grandmother, Susie, who was so powerful. She ran the card table down in the basement with all the men and and everybody had a different, favorite card game, right? Some of them liked, five card draw, some of them like seven card stud, just. But Susie mixed it up and she made sure everybody's favorite game got played. So I'm thinking a lot about my grandparents right now.'Cause we've got, when you got a big family, you've got a lot of people who believe different things or and I think we'd be around the poker table playing each other's favorite game and having fellowship and camaraderie that way with dinner and Right,

Hess:

Since you're bringing up grandparents. My grandmother, my dad's mom always said, don't say anything. Don't say anything unless you have something good to say about somebody.

Delbert:

Clara? Yeah.

Hess:

Yeah. And that's my middle name, Jessica Claire. Yeah don't say anything if you don't have something good to say. Don't pollute the space. Don't pollute the space.

Delbert:

And also I think when somebody's got a real difference of opinion, I think sometimes we're thinking so hard about what we're gonna reply, we're not fully listening right? And Take a beat, take a minute. Count to 10, take a deep breath and if ten's not long enough, do it again. Because think about what you're putting out there in the atmosphere. you, when you put out good, you get good back. And

Hess:

Oh.

Delbert:

it.

Hess:

Delbert. That is the truth. If you put good out there, you get good back. If you put good out there, you get good back. So like with this Imago dialogue, you're not, you don't use the sender doesn't use criticism or blame. They're speaking from I, and that receiver is just mirroring back each thing that the person says and then ask is there more? And then after there's not more. In this intentional dialogue, you say, let me see if I've got you and you summarize what the other person says. Did I get you, did I get everything? And the person says, yes. Or they might think about something else that pops up, they might add. And then the next thing, Delbert, this is so important'cause we all wanna be gotten, is Hey, your world makes sense to me because you do a validation and you just pick out one thing that makes sense. We all need that. We all wanna feel like we make sense. And then the last part of this intentional dialogue is I can imagine all that might make you feel and you come up with whatever feelings the other person might have had. And then after you name'em all, you say, did I miss any? Did I get any wrong? And the other person could fill in what you missed. And the other person says, it's just like walking through Hawaiian waterfall. The other person feels like, oh, somebody got me. Somebody really listened. You got yeah.

Delbert:

wants to be listened to. Everybody wants to be cared about, and everybody wants to belong, right? We

Hess:

Everybody.

Delbert:

I'm thinking about what you just said about don't pollute the air. Don't put those bad vibes out there. Put out good Pods. I hope that you live your life going forward this week without fear, with love, compassion, understanding, and do your best to understand what people who don't think. like you think. Let's try to understand each other. Oh, just had to think for a second about Kentucky state emblem. It says, United, we stand, divided we fall just in that category.

Hess:

Yeah. Yeah. And more common wealth, right?

Delbert:

Yeah.

Hess:

The common, the wealth of the community is what I wanna say.

Delbert:

yes. When we all do well, we all do well, right?

Hess:

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. For sure. So y'all, our pod, it helps us put something out there in the world, these conversations. Delbert, again, thank you so much. I feel good to start my week off with our conversation and I love it. I love you and I love you pods for listening to us. We just wanna lift you up.

Delbert:

Be the best you can be. And you know what? you friends. Peace and love.

Hess:

Peace and love.