Let Me Tell You This About That

Possibility--Your Reframe

• Hess and Delbert • Season 1 • Episode 49

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Possibility—You Reframe  #49!

Delbert and Hess have a Sunday afternoon chat today.  Hess just got back from boating with a friend on Dale Hollow Lake.  They are “lit up” and excited today to talk about Possibility. After Hess finished college—her Dad asked her what she was going to do, and when she told him she wanted to start a fruit market in Lexington, he responded, “Look into it.”   That was such a positive open response, Hess looked into it, and opened up that summer. Naive is NOT a negative, naive means you have the energy not stifled by negative experiences.  Her truck broke down on the Kentucky River Bridge returning from market and she handled it when it happened.  There is less worry. Delbert did a reframe from tragedy of her sister and nieces death and made Caroles Kitchen, serving youth hunger. Father Greg Boyle in LA with his Homeboy Industries sees the possibilities in the gang members, he gives them a new place to belong, work and learn. The teacher reframes acceptance to her students.  Connection and the “WE” moves us from US and THEM and gives a sense of greater good for the whole.   

Listen up—We love you, thanks for joining us.

I am still collecting for José's cancer treatments. This week José received radiation in his lower spine every day. We are awaiting the next CT Scans. Thank you for your continued support!
https://gofund.me/e6f61999

In addition to being a podcast host, Hess is also an LCSW--if you'd like to learn more about her work as a therapist, check it out at www.jessicabollinger.com

One of her mission's is for all of our lights to shine--when we see each other and allow ourself to be seen--and we can say to the person in front of us, There You Are! the world will be an amazing place!

Delbert is a top realtor in Louisville, KY, and you can find her at Kentucky Select Properties She will help you find your home, and also help you get the most equity when you sell your house.

Her philanthropic work to continue her sister Carole and niece Meghan is Carole's Kitchen. Blessings in a Backpack helps feed the many hungry students in our schools. The instagram account is: https://www.instagram.com/caroleskitchen.nonprofit?utm_source=ig_web_button_share_sheet&igsh=ZDNlZDc0MzIxNw==





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Hess:

Hey everybody, this is Hess and I'm sitting in the white chair and I'm so glad that you joined us on, let me tell you this about that,

Delbert:

Hey everybody, it's me, Delbert. I'm on the green couch. As always, it is a beautiful day in Louisville, Kentucky. Hess your rain dance did work. It did rain today.

Hess:

And we're gonna get more rain. We're gonna get more rain.

Delbert:

It's beautiful. The grass is greening up a little bit. But we still had some sunshine and we're actually talking to each other a little later today because Hess had a fantastic trip to Dale Hollow Lake.

Hess:

Yeah, my friend Cathie Velata and I took the relation ship, my boat and trailered on down to Dale Hollow Lake and spent Friday night and Saturday night on the hook. Different coves and swam bunches of times during the day. Delbert, you would've loved that. The reason Dale Hollow Delbert, now Dale Hollow is down in the central Kentucky on the southern border. So like half of it's in Kentucky, half of it's in Tennessee. my brother-in-law, Frank, he and my sister used to have used to share a houseboat down there with Bebe Arnold for years. And I had been down there, a few times many years ago, and it's just a beautiful lake. So I'm back and it's later on in the afternoon. It was a great trip. I'm all energized and all excited to talk about our topic today,

Delbert:

Yes, go ahead and start off Hess,'cause you're super energized and you've got a lot to say. You said.

Hess:

Oh, I always have a lot to say. I'm reading the book right now. The Art of Possibility I don't know where it was. I saw it, but this is like one of the top five books that you must read in your life is by Rosamund Stones Zander, she is a psychologist and she's married to Benjamin Zander and he is a maestro for the Boston Philharmonic. their book, the Art of Possibility is a fantastic book about being able to turn things around, reframe'em. And look for the positive. The I, the issue I have folks is in its 59th printing. 59th. Wow. Yeah. Yeah. It was first published in by Penguin Books in 2000. Oh. It was first published by Harvard Business School. Press 2000 Publishing Penguin Books. 2002, a great book, the Art of Possibility and Delbert, just, we touch on this a lot and it's. I've told you all out there that when I graduated high school, dad looked at my resume and he says, what are you gonna do? It looks like you're just a free spirit. Because I put in there that I'd ridden a bicycle across the country because I wanted to show that's why I didn't work. And that might show that I've got some determination and when, when my dad asked me, what are you gonna do? What are you gonna do? And I said I think Lexington needs a fruit market. And my dad says look into it. What a way to, what a way to, reframe and give a possible, give a possibility to something. Look into it. It wasn't a, it wasn't a fist down on the table. No. Or are you crazy? It was like look into it.

Delbert:

Exactly right. Yeah. And you came up with a business plan for that.

Hess:

I don't even know if I came up with a business plan, Delbert, but another thing I was thinking about when I was driving is the I was young. I was just outta college. I was 22 years old, and was, what do you, what's the word? When you're just young and you don't know better.

Delbert:

Yeah,

Hess:

like,

Delbert:

a little naive, but you're also very positive and you haven't been, maybe pushed down by the world. You're full of hope. You've got dreams and you've got all that stamina. And sometimes or maybe most of the time that's better than a business plan.

Hess:

Naive doesn't mean that you're stupid. Naive means I didn't know that my, my truck might break down on the Kentucky River Bridge, so I never worried about it And then I handled it.

Delbert:

Because you know what, honestly, there's not really anything that you can't handle that comes about if you use your imagination and that was a quote from Mel Robbins. I just listened to her. Eight things that you should tell yourself in the morning and, your record for surviving. The storms of life is a hundred percent right now, right? We've Everything

Hess:

sure. Yeah. I think in my office it used to be here on my thermometer in my bedroom, but I moved it to my office of trying to fight the storm dance in the rain.

Delbert:

And shift the sales. Like adjust, adjust the story that you sent me about the teacher who had the little girl in her classroom who had cancer and the kids made fun of her because she had no hair. She rewrote the rules of her classroom, right? She shifted the sails and she shaved her head right.

Hess:

So the story is, and this is in the Art of Possibility, where the teacher reframed it. This little girl, the kids in her class, I think she was in second grade, she had leukemia and she had just undergone treatment and she lost her hair. So she's had this scarf, the kids pull her little scarf off and she's so embarrassed. She goes home, the kids are all laughing. She says, mom, I never wanna go to school again. I never wanna go to school. And her mom said, look. You gotta go to school, it'll only be a short time your hair grow back. So there, and the next morning in school, the teacher comes in and just, she greets the children in the same way that she usually does. And she says, welcome children. She takes off her coat and hangs it up and she takes off her scarf and she shaved her head and. The students just looked like, whoa. And the, and then the students ended up asking their parents if they could shave their head or cut their hair short and many of them did. And so the teacher reframed it all. It was just some nervousness and this fear of this our little classmate looked so different that the children were reacting and when the teacher reframed it that this is okay. There's nothing to fear here. Look, I have a shaved head. It reframed it.

Delbert:

It's beautiful. It's a great example of being the architect of your life and of your day, right? She just rewrote it.

Hess:

One of my, one of my clients is talking about holding her little nephew that just got born and just how the world just stands still when she's holding this little. This little month old baby and looking into this baby's eyes and I said, isn't it just fascinating? You could get lost in that here this little child is total possibility, is what I said. It's not been affected by anything on the outside. It's just this wonderful little being so new to the world, endless possibility.

Delbert:

It's true. I the book that you sent me on The Art of Possibility reminded me of a book I read a long time ago about the the seven oh shoot. The Seven Habits of Highly Successful People.

Hess:

Okay.

Delbert:

our convoy. Yeah. He he says that you do these seven things, which is really just what the teacher did. You're proactive. You begin with the end in mind. First things first. Think win-win. And I always say that in real estate. I tell my clients, when we sell your house, I want you to feel like you're coming out on top, but I want you to treat the buyer like they're coming out on top. And that's really how, that's, it makes everything, every transaction beautiful. If people can stick to that. And the other thing is, I think, and this is what the teacher was trying to teach her class, seek to understand, not to be understood. I love that. And that reminds me of the prayer of St. Francis of a sissy. It is in giving that we receive and pardoning that we are pardoned. And we heard that so much as kids, but gosh, it's hard to remember sometimes,

Hess:

what you need. Give what you

Delbert:

And so if we seek to understand, if we go into the day saying, let me understand this problem, not let me get my point across right. Let not, let me, that'll come. If you understand the situation, you might have a better outcome of people understanding where you're coming from. Once you really know what's going on. And that's like your imago, right? It's like

Hess:

a

Delbert:

right

Hess:

other person's

Delbert:

Lemme hear what you're, where you're coming from. Let me listen to what you're saying and then start the conversation from there, from your angle.

Hess:

right? And then it becomes more of a real we instead of, I need to convince you Or you need to convince me.

Delbert:

Exactly. I hear what you're saying. Here's probably what we need to do. Let's circle the wagons,

Hess:

and then Delbert. If it's a we, then it's not an us and a them.

Delbert:

Which is, one of the things that we're trying to prevent. In our podcast, right? We want it to be us. When we're talking to people, we don't want to take sides,

Hess:

yeah. We don't have to say what We're in.

Delbert:

There's too much of that going on right now in This minute.

Hess:

Did you finish your list? Was that seven Dilbert? I wasn't

Delbert:

I'm sorry, then synergize and sharpen the tool. And one of the things also that was a takeaway from that, that my broker always said was successful people make a list of what they're gonna do the next day at night. And that way you go to sleep confident that you've got tomorrow covered. And then you can wake up and you can say, oh my gosh, I feel so confident. It's gonna be a great day. I am gonna get all this done. And you just set yourself up for a great day.

Hess:

Delbert. Was that all seven?

Delbert:

Yes.

Hess:

Okay. Delbert. You start your day with kind of a meditation and with your gold light that you put around the people that you love. And put a put out there into the world. And so that's starting the day with a real PO positive. When you do your Goldie Hawn stretch you start your day the feeling of positivity that this is gonna be a great day, good things are gonna happen.

Delbert:

Exactly. Exactly. And when you believe that and you tell yourself that good things happen, you have a good energy around yourself and. It's like my energy that I wanna spread to other people, but it's also my armor. It makes me feel strong and confident.

Hess:

That's a key right there. Delbert, is if we do that, if we give that out, it makes us stronger. It makes us more resilient and. Not as scared or fearful. So we are better, I, our ourselves personally, are better when we go to the, we.

Delbert:

Exactly. And there's no amount, of energy that you give away when you give away good energy and good positive thoughts. There's no shortage of it. In fact, when you do it, it actually fuels you even more. So you're just building up all this, it's almost like a locomotion, like a steam engine, right? Like a locomotive. Locomotion is a dance anyway. Yeah.

Hess:

it do the locomotion.

Delbert:

And so anyway I think, people sometimes feel oh, if I give energy to this or give, that per, I'm taking away from myself, and it's really not true. It really is in giving that you receive. Really, if you can just redirect your thoughts or rewrite your day, and when you're trying to be the architect of your life, start with a day. Start with writing that day out.

Hess:

Yeah. You are responsible for reframing, starting a new structure.

Delbert:

exactly?

Hess:

So there's a big thing now about freedom of speech. So okay, let's go Freedom of speech. Let's turn it, let's make it all freedom of speech. Let's go it. I wanna give back to the Art of Possibility. This fantastic book. The Steps to the We Practice then, are these it's less than your seven. Okay. I think it's only three Tell the, we tell the we story, the story of the unseen threads that connect us all. The story of possibility. Tell it, tell how you picture it, how it's gonna be. I know Delbert your you'll, your family and text you back or something in the morning and say, I feel the circle. They feel it

Delbert:

Yeah. Yeah,

Hess:

Yeah. And then, and we gotta be quiet and we gotta listen. Look for that emerging entity of how we are more like than not alike. And what, and then in the third say, okay, what do we want to have happen here? What's best for us? All of each of us, and all of us? What's our next step? There's no party line there. What's better for all of the, all of us here in the United States? What's better for all of us in this world?

Delbert:

And what's that saying? There's no justice for any of us unless there is justice for all of us.

Hess:

I love how you remember those things.

Delbert:

I love what you're saying about the, when you sent me just a few pages of that book, it got me really excited about possibilities. So I do need to read that. That sounds really good.

Hess:

Yeah. I've read some of Gregory Boyle's, gr Father, Gregory Boyle's

Delbert:

wow. Talk with him.

Hess:

Yes. Father Gregory Boyle was living in Los Angeles in the deep part of the gang state there, and he saw the possibility of. the people that are in gangs, they want connection, they want family. And he sees he sees all of them. He doesn't judge they are by who they were in a gang. He sees them, he sees their essence, he sees their heart. I'm just gonna read off some of his quotes. This is from tattoos on the heart that the power of boundless compassion. A compassion that can stand in awe of what the poor have to carry, rather than stand in judgment of how they carry it. Yeah. Look at awe, look at somebody in awe of how they've been able to handle something versus judging them how they do it. Another one is close both eyes. And see close both eyes and see with the other one, then we are no longer saddled by the burden of our persistent judgements. Our ceaseless withholding our constant exclusion. Our sphere has widened and we find ourselves quite unexpectedly in a new, expansive location, in a place of endless acceptance and infinite love.

Delbert:

That's beautiful. I love him.

Hess:

Kindness is the only strength there is. Yeah. And it boils down to kinship. And he says, if there is a fundamental challenge within these stories, it's simply to change our lurking suspicion that some lives matter less than other lives.

Delbert:

Oh wow. Perfect.

Hess:

Yeah. Yeah. Like one lady, she wanted to go volunteer. I know. I have a whole lot I can give to, to, to those members. To those people in your group. I know I have a whole lot to give and he says, when you feel like you can come and volunteer know that you have a lot you can receive, then call me back.

Delbert:

Perfect. Oh my goodness. Oh my goodness. Yes.

Hess:

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Delbert:

St. Francis in,

Hess:

So Delbert,

Delbert:

right? Is he a Jesuit or a Franciscan? I couldn't remember.

Hess:

he's Jesuit. Delbert. Delbert. I just gave the example of the fruit market. Can you tell, can you give me a way that you reframe something to possibility?

Delbert:

I guess the biggest one is, my sister and my niece dying and, taking all that despair It into service, turning it into service with Carol's kitchen. And I feel a real kinship with Father Gregory. I follow him and I've read about him and I love what he does. Something I always say I filled this kinship with him because I have these kids that have told me before, and I'm not serving by any stretch as many people as he is, but there have been kids who've told me, that I helped'em stay in school and they, they graduated from high school

Hess:

I love that.

Delbert:

And I think the more education you get. The better chance you have of staying outta trouble and making your life better. A lot of these kids come from families who didn't finish high school, have no thought about their child going to college. And some of them breakthrough and they do. They go to trade school, they go to college or they're working on there's a health. Program at Seneca high school here. And a lot of Wagner High School has one as well where kids can go ahead and get started, in a health career, in a career, for hospitals or medical services, offices, whatever. But it gives

Hess:

that.

Delbert:

jumpstart into a career. I just feel like sometimes maybe I help somebody not go to prison, but if they get there, like Father Gregory helps get'em out That system of that churn. It's just lack of education, nutrition, love, that's all it is. And I'm going back to what Jay said when he was on our podcast about the healing place,

Hess:

yes.

Delbert:

Addicts don't have a connection. There's no connection. And as human beings, that's what we're, that's what we're searching for. We wanna belong, we wanna connect. We want to see our life and possibilities, but on a much smaller scale, I have to say. Reframing something I think is, when you write down what you wanna do in your day and you put a little extra post-it on that day, that plan and you put something that you wanna do for your dream, right? Like you and I write, we'll journal, we'll work on our books, right? Just give it a little time in your day for something that you're dreaming about, a possibility of doing not. And so in that way, you're not just being an architect of your day, you're being an architect of your future and your dreams and your possibilities.

Hess:

Love that. I love that. Ariana Rodriguez is our Miss Kentucky and she is from Bardstown, Kentucky, and she lived out of a car

Delbert:

Oh.

Hess:

a year or so. Yes. And she's reframed her life. And she is represents kids that are in foster care and does things for kids in PO foster care and does a podcast and has foster kids on talking about their experiences.

Delbert:

And what do they wanna belong, they wanna be loved,

Hess:

be long, they wanna stay connected. Yeah.

Delbert:

succeed in this life. Yeah, absolutely. I have to tell you something, Hess.

Hess:

Tell me Dilbert.

Delbert:

We're always bragging about our class of 1976, and we've talked about it a lot. One of the gals that was at my lunch table at Sacred Heart, Nikki fawbush she married her high school sweetheart and they were just so in love their whole lives, had three kids and grandkids and she passed last week. And,

Hess:

oh.

Delbert:

I went to her funeral with Warsh and Barnett. We had a lot of Karens in our class, so we call'em by their last names. And we sat in church together at St. Bernadette. And it's always very spiritual to be with people that you grew up with, and, the grandson told a story about how in love Johnny and Nikki were they dated from freshman year all the way to the end of high school and got married young. Yeah. And he said that one Christmas, it was like midnight and there'd been a million people in the house. They served two meals there. All these presents they were unwrapping. And I might not be telling it exactly right. But. It's like midnight and there's a song playing and he looks up next to the tree and there's his grandparents dancing together by the tree,

Hess:

Wow.

Delbert:

So tired from the day, but had that minute, to share with each other. And, in that church. You could feel her love for those children and her husband and those grandchildren, and I'm not kidding you, you could really feel her spirit in that church. It's light it, like I'm telling you, the positive light that we try to send out in the world, she was completely lighting up that church with her spirit.

Hess:

Wow.

Delbert:

beautiful.

Hess:

it. Love

Delbert:

And so even after we die, we can be the architects of our legacy as well.

Hess:

That goes on.

Delbert:

It goes on. You live your life so well and love so many people and touch so many people, you're also setting yourself up for, eternity and your legacy Being that light even after you die. Yeah.

Hess:

Delbert, I love it. Podsters love you and this art of possibility. Reframing and making possible things to happen, positive things to happen. Think about how you can do that. Think about how you can do a turnaround. Cathy's truck started acting up. She was able to turn around and come home and she flipped it around and said, I'm glad it happened before I got. Too far away from home,

Delbert:

exactly,

Hess:

even if something adverse happens. I'm glad because of this and how you can reframe it.

Delbert:

and I'll tell you one more thing.

Hess:

Tell me one more thing.

Delbert:

We've done a lot of quotes today, but sometimes we forget'em. So we're catching up. I'm gonna give you one more quote that I wanna leave people on. We went to Sacred Heart. We were educated by the Ursuline sister St. Angela, Marise was the founder of the Ursuline Order, and she said, live in Harmony United together in one heart and one will. Love each other people. We love you friends.

Hess:

Yes. Yeah. Okay. We'll talk again with you all soon. Thanks so much for joining us. Please and share peace and love.